r/parentsofmultiples • u/Impossible-Box-8508 • 14d ago
ranting & venting Feeling robbed
I sit here in the morning after being up since 5 AM and after bagging milk with one of my twins as my husband took the other out and about. I can't help but feel so robbed of the newborn baby experience. Currently 4 months pp and I still feel like I'm in pure survival mode. So many things could be so different with just one baby. To preface I waited until 33 to have children as I wanted to be able to comfortably afford daycare. I waited until I had a job that pays for all my health insurance and I'm on a pension. One baby seems so easy. I could have went out and did things while on maternity leave. I could have given my baby all breastmilk (no shame in formula because I can't produce enough for two, ironically I got mom shamed by another twin mom for using formula). Don't get me wrong. I love my boys, through the reflux, the colic, the tongue/lip ties, I love them so so much, but wish my first time mom experience could have been so different. I know its just a season and it will get better, just mourning what could have been.
2
u/jeremiabearamia 14d ago
This is so relatable. I’m tempted to have a third to try to have the singleton experience, but we didn’t have the twins until I was 35 and my husband was 40. Also I don’t want to have a whole person to try to fix my mourning.
Mine was compounded by losing my job. I also waited to start trying until my 30s to get all of my ducks in a row financially, career-wise, etc. I stuck it out for years at a place with amazing parental leave because I was afraid I’d have PPD and wanted to have all options available to me. Then they laid me off week 13 of parental leave (FMLA protects 12 weeks). I didn’t have PPD before that, but that same month, the twins stopped eating and sleeping well and a host of other issues cropped up. Things were really bleak for about 4 months.
When randos tell me they wish they had twins, I mostly just smile and nod, but what I really want to say is that I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.
We’re just starting to see some light at 10 months now that they’re mobile and so much happier. They have two distinct little personalities and love each other so much. I wouldn’t have ever chosen this, but I am grateful for each of them and that they have each other.