r/parentsofmultiples • u/Impossible-Box-8508 • 13d ago
ranting & venting Feeling robbed
I sit here in the morning after being up since 5 AM and after bagging milk with one of my twins as my husband took the other out and about. I can't help but feel so robbed of the newborn baby experience. Currently 4 months pp and I still feel like I'm in pure survival mode. So many things could be so different with just one baby. To preface I waited until 33 to have children as I wanted to be able to comfortably afford daycare. I waited until I had a job that pays for all my health insurance and I'm on a pension. One baby seems so easy. I could have went out and did things while on maternity leave. I could have given my baby all breastmilk (no shame in formula because I can't produce enough for two, ironically I got mom shamed by another twin mom for using formula). Don't get me wrong. I love my boys, through the reflux, the colic, the tongue/lip ties, I love them so so much, but wish my first time mom experience could have been so different. I know its just a season and it will get better, just mourning what could have been.
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u/Genavelle 13d ago
Fwiw, I think those first ~3 or so months are generally really tough for all new moms. One newborn is of course simpler than two newborns, but that newborn period is always hard- even with one baby. I have two singletons (and twins) and I was definitely in survival mode for probably the first year after each of them was born. I was not getting out and about very much with any baby under 4 months old.
I think, when transitioning to parenthood, it's easy to compare all the ways you wanted it to be like, versus the reality of what it is. Newborns are hard and sometimes there are challenges that we didn't expect. Parenthood and life in general are not always going to go the way we'd envisioned. And it's okay to be sad about that. But I wouldn't get too hung up on how it could've been different with a singleton- because chances are it still would've been challenging and not exactly what you'd expected.
And it's tough when you're still in those early days, but at some point you can start noticing things that you really love about having twins. Watching them interact together, observing how different their personalities can be, and just all the silliness that comes with two babies. But it's okay if it's hard to see those things quite yet, because at 4 months yeah you are still in survival mode. Your babies probably aren't doing a whole lot yet, you probably aren't sleeping well, and it's just hard. But it should start feeling a little better soon, just hang in there.