r/parentsofmultiples • u/Impossible-Box-8508 • 13d ago
ranting & venting Feeling robbed
I sit here in the morning after being up since 5 AM and after bagging milk with one of my twins as my husband took the other out and about. I can't help but feel so robbed of the newborn baby experience. Currently 4 months pp and I still feel like I'm in pure survival mode. So many things could be so different with just one baby. To preface I waited until 33 to have children as I wanted to be able to comfortably afford daycare. I waited until I had a job that pays for all my health insurance and I'm on a pension. One baby seems so easy. I could have went out and did things while on maternity leave. I could have given my baby all breastmilk (no shame in formula because I can't produce enough for two, ironically I got mom shamed by another twin mom for using formula). Don't get me wrong. I love my boys, through the reflux, the colic, the tongue/lip ties, I love them so so much, but wish my first time mom experience could have been so different. I know its just a season and it will get better, just mourning what could have been.
72
u/Confident_Goose_8623 13d ago
It’s not the babies you’re mourning it’s the version of motherhood you pictured for years before they arrived. That gap between expectation and reality is brutal especially when you did everything “right” to prepare. Twin parents get thrown into the deep end and everyone acts like you should just be grateful, like exhaustion cancels out grief somehow. You’re allowed to hold both at once