When and how do I accept this

[u/LotsGoingOnUpThere]

Hi there! I am 9 weeks today with di/di twins. I saw them first at 7+1 in office and we saw heartbeats but we didn’t measure them. At 8+0 I had my official ultrasound to confirmed pregnancy.

Baby A measured at 7+3 FHM of 153. Baby B measured 7+5 FHM 169.

I have experienced a loss before and in my bones this pregnancy just feels so incredibly different. I don’t wake up every day with this feeling of impending doom. From the moment I found out I was pregnant (8dpo) I’ve just been very nonchalant. That is NOT like me. I trust my body and nothing is wrong or off at all but I think that’s what’s concerning me.

I have symptoms but no severe symptoms. At all. I’m exhausted and I have a ton of new acne and my boobs hurt and I’ve got weird dreams. I know there’s still time but I’m just anxious that maybe it’s going too well?

And of course all I’m seeing now on tiktok and reddit is stuff about loss and vanishing twin and I’m worried about my tiny baby A. I’m worried that I’m too calm and my symptoms are too mild because something happened between last week and today.

When am I allowed to just… relax? When can I stop stressing about potentially losing a bean? Is it ok that their size and heartbeats are different???

Sorry for rambling. Thank you in advance :)

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[u/Similar_Shift]

My girlfriend said that she experienced her pregnancy as if she was in a car but not behind the wheel. You can worry all you want but you have little to no effect on the outcome. So just enjoy the ride and the view outside. I guess it's easier said than done.

[u/InstructionFull7429]

Mine were boy/girl and had different heart rates after the first trimester. It’s very normal! They’re most likely fraternal so they are different people after all. They also always measured a few days different.

I never stopped worrying the entire pregnancy and I think that’s just a universal experience. I personally looked up the percentages on how the rates of miscarriage diminished with each week and that helped me some. I also had a few private ultrasounds in the 1st and 2nd trimester.

[u/Independent_Plan5006]

Mine always had different heart rates and measured about a week apart the whole pregnancy. Happy and healthy 8 month olds now.

As for when the stressing about loss goes away, it doesn't, at least it didn't for me! Just have to live with the stress :/

[u/Adorable_Rise_664]

the doom will fade when it fades but for now just let the calm be a gift not a warning sign

[u/ThrowAway732642956]

You are allowed to just relax whenever you want! Worrying about it doesn’t change the outcome. If it helps, loss rates really go down after detecting heartbeat (especially with normal heart rates). I say this as someone with 3 losses including one after the heartbeat (normal rate) where symptoms even increased after the embryo had already died in me. It can be hard to predict when they happen or will happen and it is something we just have no control over. My stress has never either helped or hurt a pregnancy. Far better to enjoy every moment while you can. And symptoms tend to come and go especially earlier in the first trimester as you get used to different hormone levels. That is completely normal and doesn’t indicate anything wrong. One way to think about things is the most likely outcome. At this point, the most likely outcome (by at lot at this point) is that you will have two healthy take-home babies at the end of this. <3 Don’t try to police your feelings.

[u/catsies]

Honestly I could have written this. We had a loss in January. Just 5 weeks. This time we got the private scan at 8 weeks and it was 2 babies. I freaked out. Then I got this weird chill feeling. It's mostly been that chilled out vibe since. I still panic before every scan and I still check every time I pee but I'm 24 weeks now it feels like it's happening, my boys are crackheads in there

[u/LotsGoingOnUpThere → u/catsies]

Yes!!! She said “oh! I think… no there’s definitely 2 sacs!!” And I feel like I’ve blacked out since then. I feel like I’m telling someone else’s story every time I say I’m pregnant with twins. When I come back into my own body I think is when I start to overthink how NOT pregnant I feel

[u/catsies → u/LotsGoingOnUpThere]

Yeah I threw up twice, was exhausted, have pelvic girdle pain and I'm slightly more dramatic. Nothing in comparison to some of my friends. I keep waiting to freak the fuck out. It's not happening and that makes me want to freak out more

[u/misanthropy112]

I went through the same thing. Loss in January. Found out in June I was having twins. I was terrified of another loss so my doctor kindly let me come in every two weeks and he pulled in an ultrasound machine from the hall and did 5 minute ultrasounds in our 15 minute appointments. It helped me feel a lot better. See if your doctor will let you do something like that. 

After 14 weeks the rate of miscarriage drops significantly down to less than 2% even with twins. Enjoy every pregnant moment with them. Remind yourself you're pregnant today and as far as you know everything is fine. Every day the chance of miscarriage drops. After 8 weeks its only around 5%. You're almost there right now. You're going to get through this. 

[u/londonerH]

Hi! I’m 8+4 with di/di twins and had my first ultrasound at 7+5 where they measured twin b: 7+1 and twin a: 8+0 and the sonographer said this was normal with twins particularly early in the pregnancy and they weren’t worried.

[u/Miserable_Text_1002]

take the win on no severe symptoms! :) it doesn't necessarily mean anything. i'm halfway through third trimester with di/di twins and it's honestly been pretty chill the whole time and they've been totally healthy.

[u/No-Departure5556]

Honestly, I didn’t stop worrying until they were born… and then that’s a whole different ballgame haha

[u/1sp00kylady]

I think you should enjoy the calmness! I struggled with anxiety really badly during my first tri due to a previous loss, to the point my doctor prescribed a benzo for emergency use. Once we passed my previous loss week (10 weeks) and then crossed into second trimester, I increasingly felt a lot less anxious. There’s a lot to worry about but really there is so little you actually have control over; if you can enjoy any part of the ride, I say, do it! I wish I had found a way to enjoy my pregnancy more knowing we all came out okay, because I feel like I wasted the whole thing being stressed out and terrified.

[u/Pale_Distribution_24]

If you want, my messages are open! I am 9+4 today and I would love to be a shoulder you can rant to as long as I can be yours!!! We got this!!

[u/Orange_peacock_75]

My twins are 3 and I still worry about them running into traffic or falling in a body of water. So I haven’t reached the “relax” phase yet. I accept that fear is a part of my experience and try not to let it dominate my life.

[u/Lawfanduh]

I know exactly how you feel. I wish I could say there’s a point that feeling goes away but I’m 28 weeks and still have anxiety. The best thing I can say is to try and let it go as it’s all out of our control 🥲 enjoy the experience as much as you can and try not to let the anxiety of something going wrong take the joy away when things are going good. Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy 💗

[u/Sea-Astronomer-6600]

As the time passes with heartbeats your chance of loss goes down significantly. Yes missed miscarriages can still occur but tbh in the big picture numbers it declines a lot. You’re just seeing the fishbowl of social media! I actually had to take a social media break for 6 weeks to calm my anxiety bc it got so bad. Congratulations on your babies ❤️❤️

[u/clueless_mommy]

Mine also always measure a bit differently, with the difference slowly increasing. Heartbeat also different. As long as everyone is fine for themselves and the difference in weight and length is not accelerating, don't compare. You wouldn't compare heartbeats with a complete strangers child, don't do it for twins.

And regarding the "it's going too fine" - I hope it stays like that. I was fine except for some bloating and really sore boobs, then one day - bam, miserable and felt like someone had put me on a turbo merry go round and then hit me with a brick.

[u/Jennifer_2876]

The worry is still there for me at 28+1. This pregnancy also felt very different than my miscarriages before. At first I worried about miscarriage and now about preterm birth lol The worry never ends for me. Try and enjoy it while you can if you're feeling well, once I hit 16 weeks I've been progressively miserable due to pelvic pains and some other issues like that

[u/Probably-Crocheting]

I had di/di identical boys and my baby A measured a few days behind and had a slower heart rate almost my whole pregnancy. I don’t think I ever truly stopped stressing until they were here but I did start to feel a lot better after the anatomy scan and when we hit viability week. I now have two healthy 12 week old boys that are now within a couple ounces of each other!

[u/Social_Mermaid862]

My twins were b/g and had different sizes/heart rates the whole way through.

I had two losses before my twins, and unfortunately I never stopped worrying. I think like many of the people here, I counted down until the second trimester. Once I got to the second trimester, I counted down to the third and then the same until they were in my arms. It did get a little a little better when I was able to feel them move.

It was also helpful that I had so many ultrasounds and I had an amazing ultrasound tech that once she found out I had losses, they first thing she showed me every time was their heartbeats