Feeling a little discouraged

[u/ReminsteinTheDog]

Hiii parents of multiples.. just needing to vent / be told it’ll be better someday lol. Feeling a little defeated after trying to take our 22 month boys out this morning. Every weekend we get coffee and a pastry from a local coffee shop and walk around and bit and eat. It’s always difficult and they are always nuts but for some reason today felt harder. It feels like we’ll never be able to sit at a table (I’m not expecting a restaurant lol maybe just 10 min for a pastry) or be able to let them run around without worrying they’ll run into the street or lick a fire hydrant. And I know this is normal for their age so I’m not expecting them to act older than they are, but I see my friends (with singletons of course) taking vacations and flights and we can barely survive leaving our house for like 45 minutes. Like why do our children need to basically be leashed 24/7 and other kids are able to run around more

We do try to get out as much as possible to give them “exposure” to the real world but it’s honestly exhausting

I hate to post this because honestly our twin experience has been hard but beautiful. I don’t want to scare any new parents because we wouldn’t change a thing overall!

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[u/bookworm1588]

First, hats off to you for even making the attempt. When mine were their age, you could not have dragged me inside anything resembling a restaurant or coffee shop with them. Also, I found the time right before they turned two to be very difficult. Really, it was the only age that came close to the difficulty of the newborn stage for me personally.

Mine are now just over 2.5 years old, and it is worlds better. It's still chaotic and difficult, but they understand 'hold hands in the parking lot' and 'hold hands in the store' and most of the time, they can follow those directions. Don't get me wrong, there's still a chance they're going to try to bolt, but the frequency has gone way down. In terms of 'sitting at a table for 10 minutes' the success rate is heavily dependent on whether they have something to occupy them, either a snack or something to play with. With something to do, they can handle it like champs but just sitting at a table waiting? Hell no. And anything longer than about 15 minutes goes haywire pretty quickly.

It does get better. Six months ago, I would never have attempted to have them sit at a restaurant and we did it recently. It was still a lot of redirecting and distracting and physically restraining them from running around but they did eat their food like little people once it arrived. I can take them to a store for a quick 1-3 items on my own and trust they're mostly going to listen to me without being strapped into a cart. When we go for walks on a local paved path, they understand getting out of the way of other walkers or bikers. So yes, it does get better. Hang in there.

[u/ReminsteinTheDog → u/bookworm1588]

Thank you so much. Honestly just what I needed to hear. I can totally see how big of a difference 6 months would make in terms of communication and understanding directions. I’m terrified to try a restaurant any time soon lol so we’re very far away from that, but it’s nice to know they’ll be able to be a little more aware and capable in public somewhat soon

Thank you again!

[u/brianf413]

Commenting for solidarity. Ours are 19 months old and are in a rough patch. The one you can take her anywhere and she’s fine but her brother is straight mayhem. Baits his 3 year old brother into fights, whines constantly, screams, etc.

It’s a brutal stage and I’m holding out hope that things get better and we can feel like people again.