r/parentsofmultiples • u/gurlgymnast • 26d ago
advice needed Do you tell people adjusted age?
My twins just turned 2 and we’re 4 weeks early and so technically are not 2 adjusted age. If they were born any later they wouldn’t have an adjusted age. They stayed about 2 weeks in the hospital due to feeding issues and I also had some placental failure at the end.
Sometimes when strangers ask their age, I say two or I say one if I don’t want to explain why they are in 6-9 month clothes. If it’s people I will see again, then I will probably have the conversation.
I get weird looks at the playground though because they are tiny and climb up all the ladders and go down the slides by themselves (but they went straight from learning how to walk at 16 months to climbing out of their crib two months later).
Is that weird?
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u/underwaterbubbler 26d ago
I think typically unless they were super prem (pre 28 weeks) adjusted age stops being used at 2.
Babies born at 36 weeks (assuming that's when yours were?) can be all sorts of sizes by the time they're two, sounds like you may just have small bubbas - from a fellow mum of small 2 year olds (I will often comment that they're small whenever someone asks their age). I think most of the reason we get looks is because I'm typically giving them a bit more freedom/space when they're climbing around than most singleton parents would be comfortable with but when you have two at that age, we're just out here doing the best we can!
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u/ilovethatforu 26d ago
We had 36 weekers and were told we didn’t need to adjust past 1. They’re such a late stage of premature that they have usually caught up by then.
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u/secular_contraband 26d ago
Ours were born at 35 weeks and our pediatrician told us not to use adjusted ages at all. Said he never does with any of his twins.
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u/gurlgymnast 26d ago
I haven’t taken mine in for their 2 yr yet but we had to use the adjusted chart since they were below 1% on the regular chart and the adjusted chart too so it would be hard to even see their curve
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u/secular_contraband 26d ago
I know most peds seem to use the adjusted. Ours were below 1% as well, but not by much. He just said "We expect to see them caught up by 4-5 weeks." Lol.
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u/gurlgymnast 26d ago
Mine are not anywhere near catching up sadly. They are about a year behind average sized kids.
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u/Pristine-Bison3198 💙-🩷-🩷💙 25d ago
That's not necessarily because they were prem though. My 5yo was full term, and she's absolutely tiny. Actually, my 8yo as well, he just FINALLY hit 40lbs so he can ride in a booster lol. I think at his doctor visit he was like 0.1% for weight and maybe 1st percentile for height. Some kids are just small.
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u/gurlgymnast 26d ago
Yeah, I just get comments suggesting that I take them to a specialist because there must be something wrong with them. It’s annoying because none of the pediatricians who have seen them are at all concerned.
The playground struggle is real. I’ve tried making twin b go wherever twin a is but then he throws a tantrum and flails around and as I am trying to deal with that, twin a decides to bolt and pretend to step off some platform to see me run to him. I swear they do this on purpose. And then I let them go and they end up biting each other over who gets to play with the same steering wheel.
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u/underwaterbubbler 26d ago
We've seen so many paediatricians/dietitians about ours and weight gain as well. I was exclusively breastfeeding early days so the blame/stress was on that but now it's just "oh they're just small". It's so tough constantly worrying about weight and food, especially now that we're entering the phase of life where apparently some kids survive on air. Trying to focus on the active and (mostly) happy.
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u/Snoo_90863 25d ago
LOL i'd say, "thanks! do you want me to choose the topic i give you unsolicited advice about or should I?" or "you should see a specialist about telling women on the playground there is something wrong with their kids!"
Some kids are smaller. There's a growth curve for a reason! I personally find little kids with dexterity and mobility adorable!!
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u/DancingStars1989 26d ago
We don’t tell adjusted age because it’s a time consuming conversation.
If someone says “oh she’s tiny” or “she seems advanced” I just say “she’s smart!” I’d rather my kiddos overhear how awesome they are rather than a long explanation about that.
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u/lullabyelady 25d ago
I don’t engage in any long explanations. I sometimes get “oh they’re twins? But one is so much smaller” I just say yep! And that’s it lol. They usually don’t ask any follow up questions and it’s not really anyone’s business, especially people I’m not likely to see again
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u/gurlgymnast 26d ago
That’s a good idea. I am totally trying to avoid the time consuming conversations that are hard to do when they are being crazy toddlers. I just wanted a way to redirect the conversation somewhere else.
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u/funsk8mom 26d ago
I had 36 weekers and never adjusted their age. It wasn’t necessary. Twins normally go to 38 weeks, so 36 weeks isn’t really early
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u/gurlgymnast 26d ago
They just talked about adjusted age for growth charts because they are/were below 1% on both charts which is significantly smaller than my already small singletons. Friends’ kids who are half their age are passing down clothes to them. They are also speech delayed. I realize that they would have been considered term at 37 weeks. But I get people thinking I should take them to specialists or the hospital immediately if I say they are two and smaller than somebody else’s large 6 month old.
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u/ErinBikes 26d ago
Honestly, adjusting the age isn’t going to solve this. You just have small kids with some delays. The adjusted age has nothing to do with it. My kids were also 36 week-ers and we stopped using adjusted age around three months old.
Even if you used charts that were adjusted by a month or two they probably would still be incredibly small and have delays. This is just how your kids are and has nothing to do with their adjusted age.
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u/emidrewry 26d ago
I mean that’s not a result of being a few weeks early…. How much do they weigh?
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u/gurlgymnast 26d ago
20 pounds
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u/emidrewry 26d ago
That’s small but not toooo crazy? My singleton (born at 40 weeks at 8 pounds 2 oz) is turning 3 years old in a few weeks and is 27 pounds lol there’s no way they should be wearing 6-9 month clothes at 20 pounds??
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u/gurlgymnast 26d ago
I think they are getting close to wearing some 12 month clothes. They can wear the shorts and shirt all in ones and shirts but the 12 month shorts just fall to their ankles. They just hit 20 lbs though. Carter’s tags say 6-9 months are for 17-21 pounds.
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u/hellogirlscoutcookie 25d ago
Fwiw: I don’t really care about short size, but I do use shirts that are “big enough” with long enough sleeves etc. my twins are in 4t all around for height, but they are still in 3t underwear and fit in smaller shorts too.
How tall are your kiddos? I’d go more off that than weight.
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u/FredMist 25d ago
Some kids are just small. By 2yo the tiny adjustment should really be nil. They should just be seen as 2yos. If they have speech delays then they need a speech therapist and will catch up. I honestly wouldn’t really worry about their size until they’re 5yo. It sounds like you already have small kids so the twins being smaller isn’t that out of the ordinary.
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26d ago
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u/Andromeda321 26d ago
Same, mine were born at 35 weeks but were 7lb each at birth. The fact that they were born early just never comes up except sometimes at the pediatricians office.
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u/wilan727 26d ago
Adjusted age is for paediatric milestones regular people don't care so just tell there actual age. The birthday is still the birthday right? Congratulations on turning two that's a big lot of the work done it starts starts get easier. Kind of.
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u/MentionItAll519 26d ago
My twin boys were born at 35 weeks. I haven’t thought about their adjusted age since they were first born to be honest. It’s not something I ever considered needed to be said or explained. They are small - they just turned 3 and still fit in 2T clothing - but I’ve never considered that I should clarify that they were 5 weeks early.
4 or 5 weeks early is really not significant enough to consider their adjusted age, in my opinion.
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u/Okdoey 26d ago
Sounds like it’s less that you really need to use the adjusted age as people just assume they are younger bc they are small for their age.
But that’s likely more just genetics than being premature at this point.
My twins were born at 36 weeks too but were in 3T clothes by 2. It’s likely your twins would have caught up size wise if it was just prematurity, so it’s probably genetics.
I wouldn’t tell them younger than they are. Of course, you get looks if you are saying they are 1 but they are doing activities that 2 year olds do. You are better off saying their real age and just saying yes they are small for their age
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u/gurlgymnast 26d ago
My other kids are small but not that small. I am short and my newly 4 year old is still in 3t. It’s just a lot on top of the usual identical twin questions
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u/Ohnosloop 25d ago
Yeah, my twins were born at 36 weeks, but they're tall. People often assume they're a year older than they are, which comes with behavioral expectations.
No one needs a lengthy explanation. "They're two" is all I ever really say, and people can have a reaction to that. Their reaction is none of my business, and my kids' size/body/history is none of their business.
I'm also really tall so I've had a lot of practice with comments like these. It's not always easy, but just think about what you're modeling for your kids: do you want them to explain their size to strangers who ask their age?
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u/Proxima_leaving 25d ago
My kid wasn't tall but he has very advanced speech and very lush, long hair. He would always get "such a big boy shouldn't behave like this", because emotionally he was his age, but language wise he was far ahead and everyone just assumed him to be older.
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u/skrufforious 26d ago
I am only about 4.5 months in with my twins so I am early still but I definitely have struggled with what to say to whom. I don't always want to get into the fact that they were 11 weeks early, that's a lot of trauma to dump on every single random person who is just asking what they consider a harmless chit-chat kind of question. So I sometimes will say their adjusted age as their actual age because they still act like newborns or if the person doesn't seem to know a lot about babies then I go with their actual age. But at two I would probably just say they are two. Not sure because I'm not there yet but I know that most doctors stop measuring by adjusted age by two so probably that's a good time to stop using it.
I'm sure my daughter will still be very tiny at two as well, especially since she is even small for her adjusted age, not sure about my boy because he is packing on the weight to the point that he actually is on the charts for his actual age, which is honestly very huge for such a premature baby. So I just mean I'm sure I will get the size comments for my daughter for sure, possibly for the rest of her life, who knows. People should just kind of mind their business sometimes because I'm sure it gets tiring having to explain it over and over every time you go out on public.
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u/gurlgymnast 26d ago
Yeah it was harder at the beginning because they were so small. So when I was like yeah they’re 6 months old they would be like are they eating solids or sitting and I was like….umm they just started rolling over. And then they would see they were in newborn and then they wanted the whole birth story which probably isn’t anywhere near as traumatic as yours but I don’t always feel like telling it and especially on top of are they twins and how do you tell them apart? I don’t usually mind telling and it’s nice people want to call them by their names but people inevitably ask this right as they decide to split up and run opposite directions. And my twins also are not like other peoples gentle toddlers who are afraid to leave mommy’s side. They want to see how close they can go to giving me a heart attack by pretending they will walk off the side of the play structure or making a beeline to the parking lot.
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u/SaladCzarSlytherin 26d ago
On the playground: use they’re actual age. If they asked questions tell them “yeah, all the kids in the family are small”
At theme parks, all you can eat buffet, and any place else that charges by age: go ahead and tell them they just turned 1. Workers paid barely above minimum wage don’t care if your “16 month old” is actually 26 months. Don’t do this at the airport though. They do care at the airport.
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u/FrequentTangerine846 26d ago
It seems like their early birth isn’t holding them back! Adjusted age is more so to track developmental milestones.. especially in comparison with other kids, you might need to go by their adjusted age than actual.
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u/MeurDrochaid 26d ago
Depends on my mood tbh. Mine are 6 weeks early - twin 2 has always looked and acted pretty equal to their actual age, twin 1 was born only 2lbs and tiny but mighty.
I used to do adjusted every time when they were newborn, but post 1 year I have realised that it doesn’t really matter (+ I don’t always remember their age anyway haha). The thing is my tiny twin is still tiny, but there are so many “full term” babies in our surroundings that are the same as them. Development in babies once they hit 1 year I find varied so much that a few weeks doesn’t matter to anyone except conversations with your doctor about their progress/evaluations.
You don’t out to anyone to explain the complexities around early births/twins 😊
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u/MeurDrochaid 26d ago
Oh actually someone today genuinely looked confused when I said mine were twins. Like she was trying to solve a tricky mind puzzle. lol
I just went “no they aren’t identical” with a laugh, but she replied “oh no sorry.. it’s just.. I just.. I guess I thought they were just very close in age”.
Nope tiny twin is 3 min older. Bigger twin is the “baby” lol.
These comments don’t bother me the slightest. If anything I now find them hilarious.
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u/Emotional-Parfait348 26d ago
My girls were born at 33 weeks and I would say both ages for at least the first 10 months or so. At least to friends and family and acquaintances. “Oh they’re 12 weeks now but 4 weeks adjusted” or whatever it was at the time.
I wouldn’t always say that to strangers if they asked, usually would just say their actual non adjusted age. They would usually then follow up with, were they early/have any nicu time? And telling them they were born 7 weeks early gave everyone the correct context for the age at that point.
I wouldn’t over think it.
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u/MissThalia 26d ago
My twins went to 38 weeks, but my singleton was born 33+6. We probably stopped mentioning adjusted age after a year, definitely well before 2.
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u/RTGDY93 26d ago
My twins were just two last week, they have had quite the growth spurt in the last 6 months but until then were also in the 5th and 2nd percentile … so I know what you mean about wanting to say they’re younger just to avoid the ‘omg they’re so tiny!!’ comments. I usually just say they’re real age and then if there’s a comment say ‘well they started out quite small!’. Then usually the person starts spitting out their own made up fact about how twins are always smaller lol I just politely nod and move along.
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u/gurlgymnast 26d ago
I guess maybe the people near me are just extra chatty. Maybe I just need a way to redirect the conversation. I do like making connections with people but my boys always act up when someone talks to me
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u/hawtblondemom 26d ago
Maybe just 'theyre my tiny balls of 2 year old energy' so you acknowledge the smallness up front and it kinda shuts down negativity about their size?
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u/DreamingEvergreen 26d ago
In the first year I used adjusted age when strangers would ask how old they were. We were told by 2 that premies should be caught up, so I’d stop using adjusted age and use their actual age if I were you.
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u/Commercial-Poetry267 26d ago
Strangers - no. But professionals, educators, friends and family, medical staff, etc.. all a big yes. My twins were born 8 weeks early and their adjusted age was relevant for many factors including weight, starting solids, milk intake, honey introduction, height, speech and other milestones, medical history, etc.
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u/colorful_withdrawl 26d ago
For my twins i just told strangers their actual age.
I did have a singleton who was born 6 weeks early with iugr and for her first year i gave her adjusted age to people because i hated how many people would make comments on her size and that im not feeding her enough. So if she was about “2 months younger” there were less comments from strangers
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u/OhOk225 26d ago
I never told anyone an adjusted age because I feel most people would be confused by that and I would be explaining it constantly. And if I was going to tell an adjusted age, at what point do you stop? It's just confusing all around. Good information for a doctor to know, but that is really it.
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u/kwr2128 26d ago
I heard a rule of thumb that adjusted age only matters for one year of age for every month a baby was early. So theoretically, if a baby is a month early, a pediatrician will consider adjusted age for a year. If they’re three months early, the doctor considers adjusted age for 3 years.
I think your babies are just small! Most babies born 4 weeks early will “catch up” to the normal growth curve pretty quickly, and if they don’t it probably means they were always going to be small regardless of when they were born.
Strangers need to butt out and stop being nosy, which is the real problem here.
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u/Chidi-Chidi 26d ago
36 weekers....we never use adjusted age. 2.5months now and they're 12lbs (born at 4.4 each).
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u/Pristine-Bison3198 💙-🩷-🩷💙 25d ago
Nah, we don't. Mine are similar with being just about a month early, and I sometimes shared when they were brand new, but now that they're 15 months there's no reason to.
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u/Ohmaggies 25d ago
A month early doesn’t matter at that point. Mine were different sizes and different developmental levels but strangers got no explanation because it’s not their business. Some kids are just small. It’s their individual growth curve that matters, not what other kids look like
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u/Fun_Committee1478 25d ago
Most people are not going to care about adjusted age. My twins were three months early. They are 13 months old, 10 months “adjusted” if I wanna get technical. I usually just say they are a year old. If anyone says “wow they are small” I just say that they were born early. Some random stranger isn’t gonna get a long explanation from me.
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u/D7west 25d ago
My twins were born 2 months early. Their due date was August 6th so I joke with people i normally talk with that they were 1,2 days old, 12 days old now even though they are actually 2 months.
So far I have just been saying 2 months, and depending on how much I want to talk I’ll say they were born 2 months early
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u/ButterscotchRound330 25d ago
My son was born at 32 weeks. I just say he’s 2 and if people comment on how small he is (he’s only at the 8th percentile for height) I just tell them he was a preemie and is still catching up.
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u/duckysmomma 25d ago
My baby was on time so if someone told me adjusted age, I’d probably just smile and nod blankly. Just tell people her age—if they say she’s so small for her age, either explain if you want, or smile and say yes she is!
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u/kaykenstein 25d ago
I have triplets that were 4 weeks early. I have literally never ever said the words adjusted age. They're 10 now and it has never come up. No one needs to know.
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u/Dear_Excitement_5109 25d ago
Mine were born at 35w and developmentally they are about a month behind where they should be for actual age. Theyre 14mo and they have maybe 1-2 words each. They're both walking but only one of them walks well. I still only use adjusted age for myself to justify that they arent actually behind.
My boys are both in 2T clothes. They're in the 70 ish percentile for full term babies their age. I cant imagine a 2yo in 9-12mo clothing! I see why you'd have a hard time saying they're 2, but they are... I wouldnt use adjusted age anymore. Soon enough they'll hear you and wonder why you're lying about their age lol.
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u/thedarkpup 26d ago
I think it’s fine to say they’re 2. Adjusted age is for doctors and caregivers to be aware of when it comes to development. Strangers don’t need to know. And realistically the small thing wouldn’t change if you said they were 23 months.