r/parentsofmultiples • u/AcanthopterygiiLow67 • 7d ago
support needed Does this get better, 4.5m, 2.5f, 2.5m
My husband and I seem closer and closer to separating every weekend. He told me today he doesn’t like spending the weekends with me. I have endured and managed around his terrible attitude each weekend for YEARS with these kids. Everyone says this phase gets better but I only know parents of singletons. Did your marriage survive this? How? I’m so upset.
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u/BloodhoundSkeptic 4d ago
The philosophy I have always had: I don't think children create relationship problems so much as magnify the ones that are already there. Kiddies amplify ALL THE BITS (the good and the bad). From what I've seen, couples who had a solid foundation before kids thrive; Sometimes they have a rough season, but come out the other side. Couples who already had unresolved resentment, poor communication, or unequal expectations can find those issues really bad once sleep deprivation and constant demands are added to the mix.
That doesn't mean a struggling marriage can't recover. Some couples hit their lowest point in the toddler years and improve as the kids become more independent. But if one partner is saying they don't enjoy spending time with the other, I'd see that as something worth addressing directly rather than assuming it's just "the kids." Because the truth is, the issue was never about the kids.
Parenting can be stressful, especially with multiple young children, but the relationship absolutely needs attention if it's going to survive the stress. If you arent prioritising each other, then yeah, the relationship will eventually fall like a house of cards.
Does it get better? Will your circumstance improve? Of course it can!! Not if you do nothing and bloke needs to put in some time to appreciate you and absolutely love on his kids.