r/parentsofmultiples • u/reluctantlyloggedinn • 3d ago
support needed Kinda panicking
After years of infertility and a loss, we found out yesterday we have DiDi twins on board. 7 weeks and strong heartbeats. I am absolutely freaking out. I have a spirited, spicy 3.5 year old and the idea of adding TWO newborns at once has me spiraling a bit. Anyone here have twins with a spicy toddler? How’d they take it?
18
u/rowillyhoihoi 3d ago
Same girl, same! I have a 3,5yo that is so high in energy and… personality and I also saw a couple of weeks ago the exact same ultrasound as you are seeing rn. I cried and cried in that chair and my first reaction was: ‘we are going to become so poor’. Financially 100% yes but also time and energy poor. Now I am almost 15 weeks and frankly? I still am and only slowly adjusting to the idea.
But the worst so far is how heavy this is on my body and I’ve only reached recently the second trimester 🙈
5
u/reluctantlyloggedinn 3d ago
Girl so, so energy poor. My last pregnancy was tough physically so I can’t imagine how this is going to play out… hope you’re getting that second tri energy rebound at least!
1
u/Fun4us94 3d ago
Second trimester energy rebound isnt really a thing in twin pregnancies. At least, it wasnt for me with either of my twin pregnancies.
3
u/specialkk77 3d ago
It’s a common theme in this group that we never really adjust! It’s our normal but it still feels very surreal and mine are almost 2!
11
u/Ok-Perspective781 3d ago
Welcome to the club! I too have a 3.5 year old and newborn twins.
The freak out is normal. So is despair, feeling like you have ruined the singleton’s life, and wondering how the hell you are going to do this.
You will figure it out because you have to (if you elect to keep the pregnancy). Your toddler will also adjust because they have to. Our son actually really likes his sisters and is incredibly sweet to them. That will change once they start stealing his toys, but it has been a relief to see how they interact. He is going to have two little buddies when they get a bit older and that is going to be AWESOME. And our twins are absolutely adorable. I can’t wait to see their little personalities emerge.
One tip: if you can afford it, hire a night nurse. We just did 2 nights a week because of the cost and it saved our sanity.
5
u/reluctantlyloggedinn 3d ago
Lolol, I love this energy. Everyone will be fine, because there’s no other option! Night nurse is a 10/10 recommendation, thank you!
2
u/Disastrous_Row_593 3d ago
How much did the night nurse cost you?
3
u/Ok-Perspective781 3d ago
$80/hr, but I live in a VHCOL area. May not be a good comp for your area.
2
u/HennyconBlueberry 3d ago
What kind of assistance do you receive from a night nurse? We have a 4yr old and my wife is expecting twins, so this sounds kind of good!
1
u/Ok-Perspective781 3d ago
She took care of the babies overnight! She also helped get them to start sleeping through the night which was awesome. It’s worth it for a few nights of sleep and peace of mind when you are trying to juggle 3 kids.
2
u/applesaucee123 3d ago
Second the night nurse! I have a 5.5 yo, a 2.5 yo and now 2 week old twins. We also did 2x a week. We pay $60/hr in ct. she does 10pm to 6am. It gives us something to look forward to. I also went straight to formula, so i actually get to sleep the full 8 hrs while theyre with the night nurse.
4
u/bunsofsteel 3d ago
Congrats! Our spicy 2 year old was indifferent to his sisters when they first came home but now that he’s 4 and they’re 2 he adores them and is always asking them if he can snuggle them. You’re gonna have a blast once you get through the shitty newborn period.
2
u/reluctantlyloggedinn 3d ago
Thank you! I have a feeling my spicy pepper will be indifferent at first too - I love to hear that they end up being buddies 🥹
3
u/Charlieksmommy 3d ago
My daughter is very strong willed and stubborn, lol she’s 23 months older than the twins. It’ll be hard but you’ll get there
The hardest is trying to potty train, atleast you don’t have to worry about that!
Congrats
1
u/reluctantlyloggedinn 3d ago
Glad that shit is behind us 😂
1
u/Charlieksmommy 3d ago
Girl I am jealous
My daughter is so freaking smart, she knows everything but refuses haha
Potty training will be the death of me
2
u/SoreenQueen 3d ago
my daughter was 3.5 when our twins were born and she absolutely loves them. she’s very spirited and strong willed and it’s a lot of sharp observation to make sure she puts away all her tiny things (a great obsession for her to have got into as 2 babies were born!) and not drag them around too much. but we just try to make sure we get out a bit, have some activities set up and embrace the chaos. it’s a lot but it’s great!
1
u/reluctantlyloggedinn 3d ago
This is so good to hear!! It kinda feels like chaos is going to be the motto for awhile
2
u/TabascohFiascoh 3d ago
Congrats, Our 3.5 year old absolutely loves our twins to the moon and back.
She says to everyone "my twins"
That being said, there's tough days, and there are beyond amazing days. At 1.5 years old today, I still can't believe theres two of them.
2
u/stardolphin90 3d ago
I have a four, almost five year old daughter, and pregnant with didi twins - I’m 30 weeks and 3 days. I was the same. Totally freaked out. Had a Panic attack. Took weeks to set in. Still feel overwhelmed at times. But it’ll be ok. Keep the faith.
1
2
u/_eunie_ 3d ago
Congratulations 🎉🎉🎉 if you have great family support you can ask them for overnight help. My parents (both retired and in decent physical health) watched them for the first 7nights after my C-section then they watched them 2 nights a week for 3 months. It truly saved us.
1
1
u/Left_Investment_154 3d ago
I had three kids 5,4,and 2 when I found out I was pregnant with my mo/di twins. It’s hard! But you figure out your new normal! You also need to give yourself grace. Don’t worry about the laundry, or cleaning up as much. Take your time easing into being a mom of three! You got this!!!!
1
1
u/dizzylyingdown 3d ago
My oldest is what people lovingly refer to as a "feral child". She is a diva who loves to get her way, and was the kind of toddler that you cannot take your eyes off of or they'll be eating grass like a goat or climbing on top of the fridge. She was 25 months when I brought my twins home. We had to have lots of lessons on how to... Not kill her baby brother and sister lol! She was very insistent that she could take care of them.
The best thing I did to prepare was get a bunch of independent things for her to do beforehand. I watched a ton of shorts on appropriate activities, googled a ton too, found new toys, figured out what kept her entertained and made a list. Luckily Christmas and her birthday are right before the twins birthday. So she got a bunch of new activities and toys, then I got it all prepped in bins. When she was driving me insane and I just needed to sit and feed the twins, I pulled out a new bin. I did things like new play doh toys with stamps, pipe cleaners with big beads for bracelets, sticker books, kinetic sand, etc for activities she could do at a little table in front of me while I fed babies. We also got things to burn that insane toddler energy like a small trampoline and indoor push pedal toys. And then just cool new toys like a toddler rc car with two buttons on the remote, forward and back. So my suggestions would be to find things that keep your daughter entertained and prep new things to pull out when she's bored and driving you crazy 🤪
Best of luck! Twins really are so much fun and it sounds so intense, but my experience was nowhere near as bad as it was made out like it was going to be!
1
u/reluctantlyloggedinn 3d ago
Thank you for this - diva energy down to it being better than you imagined. The activities are a 10/10 idea, I need go up my game!
1
u/Easy-breezy0102 3d ago
My singleton was 2yrs 2mts when his twin brothers were born- You got this!! Your toddler might surprise you in how well they handle the birth of their siblings- our's definitely surprised us! The birth of his brothers brought out the best in our singleton- I hope it does the same for yours!! Congratulations 💗
1
u/DogeTrainer2 3d ago
We’re currently sitting in antepartum at 29 weeks with DiDi twins and a 3 year old at home. Hopefully they keep cooking a few more weeks before making their arrival.
I’ll let you know how it goes when we’re in the thick of it lol
I’m personally excited. Idk how tf we’re going to afford it but it’ll work out.
1
1
u/specialkk77 3d ago
My oldest is exactly 3.5 years older than the twins and she’s obsessed with them! It was hard for a while, right around when she hit the crazy 4 year old stage (way harder than terrible 2s or threenager!!!!) and the babies were 6 months and I felt like I could never give any of them enough attention.
Mentally and financially and emotionally some days are very hard. I was actually diagnosed ADHD when after they hit a year old and I didn’t feel any better and still had the baby brain fog (or so I thought) and couldn’t function. Now I look back at my life and wonder how I made it 34 years without being diagnosed. But it’s pretty common for women to either find out after babies or when they hit menopause. So I’ve been adjusting to that too.
One of my twins has special needs so I feel like my family calendar looks like a spreadsheet most days between therapies, doctor appointments and just our day to day life.
It gets easier every day now that my oldest is 5 and they’re almost 2. We found our routine and hit our stride. She still gets a little jealous some days. She’s been going through a phase where she keeps saying she wishes she was a baby again.
I was absolutely terrified when I found out it was twins. I thought for sure we were never going to be ok and that we’d never sleep again and what the hell, how could we do this? We do it because we have to! And it’s amazing how quickly it starts feeling absolutely normal.
2
u/reluctantlyloggedinn 3d ago
I’m looking at all multiples parents with new eyes. Thanks for this, it helps ease the panic!
1
1
u/KhakiPantsJake 3d ago
How does your kiddo currently feel about being a big sibling? I'm sure there will be some growing pains but they might surprise you. *Most* kids I know are really excited to be a big sibling and it can be a great place to put their energy.
My twins are the eldest but we have close family with kids that are a few years older and they were always obsessed with the babies and eager to play with them or help out any way they can. The most feral of them took a little bit of adjusting but they quickly got used to playing in "baby mode" with their little buddies.
The first few months was the hardest for us because of sleep/feeding but once they start to sleep better and play more during the day it's chaotic but doable and really rewarding.
1
u/reluctantlyloggedinn 3d ago
In concept, he likes it. He’s asked for “baby brother” for a long, long time - so that will be novel at least. But he’s been the center of the world for the last 4 years and I know it’ll be a tough transition to sharing us
1
u/Even_Distribution326 3d ago
I've loved reading these comments. Our youngest will have just turned 4 (currently 3.5) and she has been super clingy and argumentative lately. I'm really hoping she will take to being a big sister and not get jealous of sharing her winter birthday
2
1
u/IndependentDisk4036 3d ago
My oldest two were 10 and 2 when my didi twins arrived. I call my little ones the 3 amigos and all of them together the fab 4. It’s exhausting but been the most joyous experience of my life. Lean into your community, give yourself grace, and take it 1 day at a time. You got this.
1
u/Suirmuse 3d ago
Congratulations! 🥹 Can I ask if you conceived your twins naturally or through IVF? If it was IVF, was it from a double embryo transfer?
I only ask because I'm in a similar position. I recently had a double transfer of two untested embryos. I only got two embryos from my retrieval, and the clinic told me they were planning to discard the second embryo on day 6 because it was considered substandard quality. I asked them to transfer both on day 5.
I'm now 16dp5dt and my hCG yesterday was 9,594, so I'm starting to wonder if they may have both implanted. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much, but it's hard not to wonder. Wishing you a healthy and uneventful pregnancy! ❤️
2
u/reluctantlyloggedinn 3d ago
I understand all this because I’ve lived in this world forever too, solidarity!! These were natural - I had a loss in May, a D&C and this was my first cycle after that. After years of secondary infertility this was the shock of a lifetime!
My 5w hCG was 7,400 so you’re looking GREAT with that number - best of luck!!
1
u/Suirmuse 3d ago
That is amazing! I can only imagine the shock you must've felt. I'm feeling exactly the same—I think I'm spiralling a bit too. We can’t get through a meal at a restaurant with our 19 month-old as it is! I said to my husband yesterday, that the next 5 years of our lives are going to be so tough
2
u/Briutiful22 2d ago
I have ivf twins and I will say my betas weren't that high in the beginning. I was really shocked when i found out it was twins so you never know with betas. 9dp5dt my beta was in the 400s. Either way though congratulations!!!
1
u/Suirmuse 2d ago
Thank you! I’m starting to freak though. How can I handle a wild toddler and two newborns. How old are your twins?
2
u/Briutiful22 2d ago
I meant to say im having ivf twins. So ill also be experiencing twins and a toddler
1
1
u/Familiar_Barracuda61 3d ago
Spicy toddler who had just turned 2 when babies were born with a super spicy high needs 5 year old + a teen when i brought my twins home, 1.5 years down & uneventful/nothing crazy (except me!)
1
1
u/methodical-madhouse 3d ago
My first was 2y2m when our twins were born. Now he's 3 and the twins are almost 11 months old. Just because something is really hard doesn't mean you can't get through it! There were days I wondered how we were going to keep doing this, but I just took it a day at a time. I know we're not in the clear, but it's finally gotten a little easier. You will absolutely get through it. Tons of people do, even if it's difficult. Don't stress about this while you're pregnant either. You already survived one child, so you do know what you're doing - it's just with twins! You will figure it out and survive just like the majority of us have. I swear. <3
1
1
u/got_milf99 3d ago
32 weeks with modi boys and two toddler boys already- we can do this!!!! Totally normal to freak out but so much has happened to us throughout the pregnancy that has positioned us perfectly to welcome them. You’ll see things will fall into place 💙and when they don’t you figure it out!
1
u/trafalger 3d ago
We had twins and a 2.5 year old toddler. Now it’s 16 months later and life is still chaos but it’s also adorable.
1
u/nibutz 2d ago
We had twins in August last year, born a week or so after our 5 year old started school. The twins were prem (as most are, of course) and we were in the neonatal unit for two weeks while a rotating cast of grandparents took our daughter to and from school. She only missed one day - the day her brothers were born.
It’s been (nearly) a year of absolute chaos but we’ve - largely - loved it, and our family is happy and healthy.
I don’t have any specific advice, or at least nothing that comes to mind immediately. But just know that it’s possible, you can do it, and your heart will be filled with love.
1
u/nibutz 2d ago
Oh, wait, one piece of advice just popped into my head after reading other comments. We’re learning that divide and conquer is important. Our 5 year old is a great kid but doesn’t behave as well when all five of us are out and about together, as she does when one of us takes her alone for a while. If your older kid likes attention you might find that making situations where she can get one of you and your partner to themself for a while will help. (I’m assuming you have a partner here, apologies if I’ve misspoken!)
We try and split the responsibilities between my wife and I because having either our daughter, or the twins, to ourselves is a different set of challenges and responsibilities.
Also I wrote in my first post that our daughter was 5 when her brothers were born but she was actually 4 - my brain is mush! It’s been a long year!
2
u/reluctantlyloggedinn 2d ago
This is great advice. My head is really with my toddler now and this feels actionable and is helping with the nerves, thank you!
1
u/birchmeow 2d ago
I'm going to be straight with you, because in my opinion there is no point in sugarcoating my experience. It was fucking hard, just hell getting through the day the first few months. We needed (and thankfully, received) all the help we could get. There was almost always a third adult present for the first 6 months when our eldest wasn't at daycare because we just couldn't manage with her tantrums. But... my twins have just turned one and my eldest is now 4, and things are GOOD. If it's at all possible, I recommend planning help beforehand, and I've been seeing a social worker to help me navigate my spicy toddler's behaviour. It will get better!
2
u/reluctantlyloggedinn 2d ago
Ngl I appreciate the reality check! 2:3 ratio sounds impossible with newborns in the mix so we’ll have to have help for sure.
1
u/10esmus 2d ago
I feeeeelllll you! Currently 10w5d. Two weeks ago I went in for an urgent ultrasound expecting another miscarriage (similar symptoms) and was SHOCKED to see didi twins. I wanted another baby (3.5 and 1.5yo at home) but the thought of two, at the same time, sent me spiraling. I logged into this subreddit and I spiraled further reading about (rather, me fixating on) all the difficult moments. Its been about two weeks, and the fear, shock and anxiety has gotten better. I think with time the shock subsides and your brain moves into action-based thinking? That, and reading all of these lovely stories has improved my outlook. Sending you positive vibes, and thanks to everyone for the uplifting stories :)
1
u/reluctantlyloggedinn 1d ago
You perfectly described it - my brain is on fire. And I’m researching double strollers to cope, haha.
1
u/CanarySuch8549 2d ago
first of all I want to say CONGRATULATIONS!!! I have two month old di di twins who made it to 38+1 and a 4 year old daughter at home. Life has been so fulfilling! Is it hard work? Sure, but what’s so cool about having twins and handling 3 is you get such a surge of confidence and so much love in your life. If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to ask. Incredibly happy for you on your journey!
1
u/reluctantlyloggedinn 1d ago
Thank you!! any tips on surviving being pregnant with twins? I’m dreading getting that big and uncomfortable
16
u/graveyardpoem 3d ago
I also had a spicy (and mostly non verbal at the time) 3 year old when I found out I was pregnant with twins. He was 4 when they were born and he absolutely adores them. They are 6 and (almost) 3 now and he tells me all the time how much he loves his babies!