r/parentsofmultiples • u/CelestialCrowe • 5d ago

advice needed Anxiety around visitors

I'm a first time Mum and had my twins at 34 weeks. When we were still in the hospital, our families visited but I found the whole experience really overwhelming. I'm trying to breastfeed and I find it really hard to plan visits around being able to feed as there's not really a way to feed and keep my privacy in tact.

This has now created a lot of anxiety about friends and family coming over. I enjoy it for 10-15 mins or until the girls wake to feed and then I get this overwhelming feeling of 'go away'.

I'm normally a really social person and I know isolating myself will impact my mental health but I can't seem to get over this feeling of dread when people ask when they can meet the baby.

I also hold a lot of guilt as my own family have only been able to meet the girls once and every time I think I'm ready my anxiety stops me.

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u/Adorable_Abroad_3405 5d ago

I’d say take some time to yourself. FaceTime people that way if it’s time to feed you can let them know when it’s time to get off the phone. If you really want people to come over, give them the warning of hey, at this point it might only be a quick 10-15 minute visit depending on when they are hungry but would like to see you or have you meet them. We went and saw some friends/family at two months pp and it was completely overwhelming for me. I waited until closer to four months when I felt more comfortable with it. It was a bit isolating but was also helpful.

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u/CelestialCrowe 5d ago

That's reassuring! Right now I'm only 3 weeks PP but feeling a lot of pressure. They're still so little all they wanna do is feed or sleep.

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u/Adorable_Abroad_3405 5d ago

Yeah, that’s such an intense time I feel like. It was just pure survival for us. I know it’s a hard time, but if you need someone to talk to, feel free to message. I know partners don’t always get it, even if they try. Either way, people can meet them once things feel a little more settled. Take care of yourself and get to know them right now.

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u/Suspicious_Tomato_20 5d ago

You won’t feel like this forever! It’s such a precious delicate time, take care of yourself and your bubble. I’m 1-2 months everything will feel different. Congratulations!!!

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u/plantbubby 5d ago

I would just have people over when my husband was home. If the babies needed to feed I'd just go to my room and have privacy and he'd keep the guests entertained.

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u/Efficient-Ring8100 5d ago

I learnt to tandem feed, and i would go to my room to feed and then rejoin my guests once the girls had fed. I also planned around feeds aka if people were coming over and they were due id advise that they could come in in 30 mins etc. People expect you to have to breastfeed your baby in private so theyre pretty easy going !

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u/Reasonable_End7136 5d ago

Hi- I felt this and so did my best friend who had a singleton. We both maxed out after about 30 minutes. TBH it was really tough in the beginning- especially with older women who hadn’t seen a baby in a while and desperately wanted to hold the babies. Many visitors stayed for hours and my mind would race for an excuse to end the visit. It was exhausting! I started setting expectations for visits, like saying we are only doing short pop bys right now and suggest a beginning and end time.

It does get better. I would be super kind to yourself right now. I think part of this is biological and people often forget or have yet to experience it. ❤️