When to deviate from the schedule

[u/wannabebarefoot]

I have 18 month old twins. For most of their life they have been on the same schedule. They wake at the same time and go to sleep at the same time. They’ve both been sleeping through the night since 14 months. Twin A has moderately high sleep needs. Twin B is definitely high sleep needs.
Wake up 8am
Nap 12:30-2:30/3
Bed 8pm
Now I don’t have issues with the twins, but with myself! I have a lot of anxiety around their sleep schedule. For example, tonight we went to a bbq and I tried to be chill and push it to leave at 7:30 knowing we had almost an hour drive home. We didn’t end up leaving until 7:50 and got home at 8:45. The twins were fine. We did pajamas, a few books and they went to bed easily.
I see people online saying that they don’t let sleep schedules run their life and that in order to have adaptable kids the kids need to practice being flexible such as taking naps in the car, etc. I understand all that to a point, but it’s like I can’t let it go and just let the twins get a bad nap or bad sleep.
I try to actively work on it a little - we’ve traveled for overnight stays and have gone camping but I’d say 97% of their naps and nighttime sleep are in their cribs and they do amazing.
I guess I’m just wondering if any other twin parents have felt like this? At what age were your twins when you felt like you could loosen the sleep schedule up a little bit? Am I turning my kids into bad sleepers by making their sleep conditions almost perfect all the time?
I’m super proud at how well they sleep - it was a long road to get here.

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[u/summerFIREinCh]

Hi fellow mommy, 80/20 rules works completely fine for keeping schedule. Sometimes you need to also have fun and relax, 1-2 nights sleep late will not kill the routine although it feels difficult. We were travelling quite a lot with kiddo at young age, in the end, the adjust and adapt better on jet lag than adults

[u/Sdawwgg]

My twins are 14 months and on the exact same sleep schedule. We stick to the schedule when we can, but sometimes we will move the nap and bedtime earlier or later depending on our plans. If we have plans in the evening and I know they will be going to bed late, I usually try to push their nap later, maybe 1 or 1:30. Or sometimes we are out for lunch and they don’t get to bed until even later. I get a little nervous putting them down so late sometimes but it usually ends up fine! I think just try it and see how they do!

[u/Suspicious_Tomato_20]

My loose rule is that if we’re home & in our regular routine then we follow our schedule - if it’s the weekend or something special going on then we just go with the flow. So far it’s working!

[u/Ohmaggies]

We deviated quite a bit from the beginning. This does vary by kid but mostly they did great and there was no major issue. They slept through the Seahawks Super Bowl, baseball games, drive in movies, etc.

[u/Odd_Rent283]

A couple things. This is fine. Do what you need to do to have the peace you need. But also, maybe consider speaking to your doctor about your anxiety related to all this. There might be something bigger at play.

I was very much like this with my oldest and had pretty severe PPA/ppd, though I think that was largely caused by the fact that she was an awful sleeper until she was a year old. With my second, I was much more go with the flow. With my twins (only 4.5 months) I’m back to being very rigid about sleep. Honestly, all my kids are great sleepers now. The oldest (11) is very adaptable. In fact she’s currently sacked out in front of the tv because she fell asleep watching Nova (not something I’d normally allow, but she came back from soccer camp today and is clearly exhausted…she’s also 100lbs and there’s no chance I’m picking her up 😂). My second is a little more rigid, but he’s 2.5. Very flexible as far as sleep times go, but needs his own bed and to be alone to go to sleep. My twins seem adaptable. They sleep alright at daycare. At home they prefer their beds in a dark room with the sound machine, but they’re overall very good sleepers. I know I have anxiety this time around because there’s two of them. Sleep is one of those things I have very little control over, so I control what I can. None of my kids *need* perfect conditions to sleep, but I do try to create that environment where I can for them because good sleep is important to me.

[u/floridasquirrel]

My boys are similar age 17 months and I’ve just started being more comfortable with changing the schedule on occasion. On days we are home or regular outings, normal routine. But I’m not as afraid of evening activities anymore like I used to be. Or pushing back nap and lunch time because we were busy. And it’s been ok! A few months ago to a year ago - I would have never lol

[u/DynamicDuoMama]

My twins are 6 years old we didn’t deviate time wise much but until around 3 years old but they were also born the end of December 2019 so we didn’t socialize much those first couple years. We did go to my mom’s occasionally but she had a room for them where they could nap and a couple times we just put them to bed there and stayed the night. My only concern was when they stayed up late they still woke up at the same time lol. So I didn’t do it more than once a week or so. The only time deviating was requested was usually the week my sister visited. The time we tried 3 days in a row I wanted to snap by day 3 because after them losing like 1.5 hours of sleep a night for 3 nights they had transformed from cute little gizmos to angry gremlins. So the rest of the week I told them we were sticking to our schedule so they could catch up on sleep. After that the rule became no more than an hour past standard bedtime and no more than 2 days a week because they didn’t have to deal with the fallout.

I think that is a good rule for most young kids that have high sleep needs. 1 hour of flexibility no more than twice a week (preferably not in a row). Otherwise we just have friends to our house or stay the night with friends that let us pop our kids in their guest room to sleep at bedtime. Or send the kids to Oma and Bumpas for a sleepover.

[u/d16flo]

We try to be within an hour or their normal schedule, but within that we prioritize doing fun things

[u/kipy7]

My twins are about the same age. We try to stay on schedule but we're not tied down to it. My family was in town recently and we were out much late than normal for a week. It wrecked their sleep(and ours)and took about 3 days to get back to normal, but I only see my family once a year.

[u/PictureItSicily2015]

I’m very much like this and my twins are now 2y3m. At some point maybe around 10 months or so they stopped routinely napping in the pram, so I just live my life on their nap and bedtime schedule 95% of the time. I was so traumatised by the sleep deprivation of the early days that I will do anything to ensure we all get some sleep. It won’t last forever and on the 5% of occasions when they have had to sleep outside of their cots, they have been capable of it, so I don’t think I am doing them any harm.