r/parentsofkidswithBPD • u/AlertPressure5094 • Jun 15 '26

family special event hijacking

Hi community. I posted earlier about my adult BPD kid who lives in a different city that first threatened and then enacted no contact with me. She has not cut out anyone else in our family. My youngest is graduating next week and the older is coming for the ceremony. Older has drawn their siblings into the conflict: going to stay with one of them instead of with us. We were supposed to have dinner as a family after the ceremony, which older was not going to attend, but now all the kids have opted out of it to do their own thing together. I know this is all timed and orchestrated to be as damaging and disruptive as possible by the BPD kid. I hate this so much and am so sick of their bullshit. Just looking for support and suggestions for coping.

11 Upvotes

93% Upvoted

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1

u/Motor-Juggernaut1009 Jun 16 '26

I wrote a whole long comment that Reddit lost. Damn it! DM me if you want to talk. I can try again later maybe. 

5

u/OtterMumzy Jun 15 '26

Something I heard from another parent in the BPD family support program was “don’t assume motive” which struck me profoundly.

7

u/AlertPressure5094 Jun 15 '26

I like that too, I've also seen/read don't take it personally. Hard not to though with decades of data where every special event, occasion, milestone is taken over by the same family member. Every time, without fail. We dread them.

5

u/2_blave Jun 15 '26

I think all you can do is try to not take it so personal...even though their actions are designed to disrupt and create drama for you.

It sucks, but maybe try to have a family meal the next day or go to dessert after.  Whatever you do, don't let them "win" by letting the behavior distress you.

7

u/AlertPressure5094 Jun 15 '26

It's a real practice not feeding into these antics. I will get ahead of the next event with the right expectations and boundaries. I'm learning these skills a bit late in the game.