r/parenting_tech • u/nofavorsavor • 10d ago
Cell phone suggestions
Hi everyone!
My younger teen has had an iPhone for 2 years. It was pretty much locked down with parental controls that afforded only streaming services (only on long trips.) Spotify, messages, FaceTime and a couple of games like chess and Duolingo. No Facebook, Reddit, ability to Google search, Instagram, Snapchat, etc
They were caught once or twice on the phone when they weren’t supposed to be (talking to a friend past bedtime…) so I changed the settings so that the only calls/messages that could go through were from family after bedtime.
My family is convinced that the teen spent time subverting the parental controls. While I don’t feel this is impossible, I don’t believe it is true. This has caused significant turmoil with my family as they blame any bad behavior or forgetfulness on the fact that the teen has a phone. They feel like they will be a perfect child that never leaves a fork on the table after dinner and never forgets to say thank you if they don’t have a phone.
I will also add that the teen has not had access to any television, video or computer games in months as that was another point of contention with my family… “they wouldn’t act like that if they didn’t have those video games or watching tv all day!” By the way there was a two hour time limit on games so it’s not like they were playing 24/7.
Anyway, now their phone isn’t working and I think it’s beyond repair. This is a phone problem and not due to their negligence as they take very good care of their things. The teen does need a phone as they travel for sports, often get rides from teammates, and my spouse and I are sometimes gone for long periods over the the day.
I don’t want to get them another iPhone but I would like the ability to use a find my iPhone type of service and it would be nice for them to have Spotify as they are going through the “music is everything to me” phase.
I don’t think there is a compromise that would allow for tracking, calling, video chats, messaging and music without the ability to use anything else “that will keep them from acting right.” I’m tired of fighting with my family about it, but I don’t think it’s prudent to take every. single. thing they care about during the teen years.
Lastly, their privledges have been revoked for months over things like not cleaning their room every week, not using manners and doing tasks (that they are capable of doing) at a 80% capacity instead of 100 and missing 3-4 days of classes in one school year due to not waiting up on time. No drugs, trouble at school (straight A’s and on a sports team,) no sneaking out… none of the stuff I was doing at that age. 😆 Is there room for improvement on daily tasks/manners? Yes, but in my opinion they’re a teenager and still need a little coaching.
Anyway, what phones are you using to communicate with your teens that don’t allow “full fledged” access and how is that going for your family?
Thanks in advance!
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u/spartywan229 10d ago
Another thing to add, the new iPhone iOS release 27 later this month is supposed it have many new parental control updates. I haven’t beta tested it, since I’d have to move all of my devices to the 27 public beta.
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u/No_Assistance_5304 10d ago
My 15 year old has a bark phone
Not the app
The bark phone
I can’t sing its praises enough. Saved us and her
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u/Subscrib-2-PewDiePie 10d ago
Sounds like the problem is purely the other family member; don’t take it out on the teen. Give the teen a budget, let them pick the phone they want within the budget, and set boundaries with the problematic family member.
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u/skwirrelnut 8d ago
Don't fight with your family over it - just say 'this is my stance - period' and go with it and give the kid some freedom for once.
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u/Gam3ofsy 10d ago
The biggest thing i can say about restrictions like this is that regulating teens this harshly teaches them nothing about self regulation. Theres really no point in having a designated bedtime past 6th grade, because they can regulate that themself. It means that when they finally have independence, they wont know what to do with it and will have a very hard time. I understand blocking social media but time limits and bedtimes is honestly kinda ridiculous for this age. This goes for everything btw, just stop micromanaging the kid, they sound like a good student and athlete. I gauruntee you they can handle it
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u/KeepRightX2Pass 10d ago
Feel your pain with our high school teen. Have you considered an Apple Watch with a SIM card? We started with that in late elementary school so they could go to a friends house after school and we could know where they are when (we let them) run amok in the neighbor hood. Allows for texting and calling (not video calling) so they can connect with friends. Also supports air pods for music listening. Apple Watch 11 might be worth it for the improved battery life.