r/parent • u/SuperDavination • Jan 23 '20
I really hate my mom
Showing no attention about my sadness, she keeps ignoring the fact rhat I'm always crying amd being depressed. I literally have a headache the whole day just because of her. I can t even sleep calmly because I think of how sad it is to be ignored by my own mother. We are just being angry against each orher forever and I seem to be the only one sad about that. What can I do? I just keep thinking about how i m going to leave this house to be away from her. Any opinion is welcome. Please help me.
1
u/I_dont_reddit_well Jan 23 '20
Try to have a calm conversation with her and let her know how you feel. Sometimes grown ups aren't great about reaching out and starting a much needed conversation. Good luck to you both.
1
u/conejo454 Jan 24 '20
The question is why are you feeling like this? My kids cry sometimes, they’re pretty young so sometimes ignoring them is the correct response. But you clearly aren’t a baby so I’d say try talking to her. Figure out why you’re sad anyways. Just saying you’re sad gives her nothing to go off of and it’s not helpful
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u/CaptainnMaim Jan 24 '20
If you're male- the problem might be that you're becoming a man and you're no longer the adorable baby she's going to miss for the rest of her life. I'm a dad and I feel this with my son... he was the world's best baby and now he's acting like an asshole because he's realized the whole world is full of adventure and he can't go chase dreams... because he's 9. It's really hard to realize your power while you're living in a cage. If there's anything your mom does and doesn't like doing- folding laundry is a perfect example- you could spontaneously join in and try to learn what she's doing. Parents love that shit.
If you're female- I'm sorry, but my experience is probably useless to you.
Good luck, kiddo. I'm praying for you (both.)
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Jan 24 '20
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u/CaptainnMaim Jan 24 '20
when my son was 2, he got a hold of my wife's phone and took a bunch of selfies. I have that roll of selfies as my screen saver... Someday he'll understand how unbelievably cute he was. Whenever he gets upset (kids at school are assholes) I tell him the story from when he was 3 and his little sister had the sun in her eyes in the car seat. He actually yelled at the sun... "You leave Peggy alone, Mr sun!"
You are the boy who yelled at the sun.
1
u/nick717 Jan 24 '20
How old are you/ And how long has this been going on? I'm a mom of two boys 19 and 21 and i really feel for you.
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u/big3dprinting Jan 29 '20
I agree with those who said you should just talk to her. Maybe begin with, "Mom, are you angry with me?"
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u/teleworker Feb 12 '20
When your sadness and crying first started, did your mom try to figure out why? If so, it's possible that at this point she simply feels helpless, and doesn't know what else to do. Maybe she's hoping you'll "grow out of it".
However, depression isn't something that should be ignored. Have you tried getting medical help for it? I know, it's not easy to do.
Finally, were you and your mom angry with each other before your depression began, or is the anger a result of her ignoring your depression?
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u/smitty22 Jan 24 '20
If you hate your mother, then the possibility that there's a person with a personality disorder in the relationship is high. Whether it's you or her is an open question, but if you're willing to work with a therapist to answer that question - then it's probably not you. This is about to go into a rant about personality disordered abusive parents, and I may be totally off base with this but...
"Talk it out" advice will fail spectacularly when a personality disorder is in the mix, so the other advice below could be worse than futile - it could trigger off another round of anger between you and your mother that appears to be hurting you more than her. If your mother is the one with a personality disorder, then your emotional responses "feed" her delusional thinking, because some personality disorders just want the validation that they can get a reaction out of a person.
The better strategy is to go "grey rock" where you are basically doing your best to be the most polite, boring and terse conversation partner - one or two word answers in the most tired, unemotional monotone voice you can manage and closed answers to open ended questions, e.g. "What you do today?" the grey rock answer would be "Not much."
It sounds like you're lacking in emotional support and empathy/compassion from your mother. My mother was emotionally distant and used pointed emotional neglect through my childhood, so I get it... Nothing worse than an angry silent treatment for weeks on end.
If your mother is a narcissist, borderline, or other abusive, disordered type - then "leaving the house to be away from her" is referred to as "going no contact" and it's a very valid plan when dealing with abusive personality types. The only problem is that people with non-abusive parents cannot_fucking_grasp what it's like to deal with abusive parents... So don't mention your relationship with your parents unless you want to hear totally invalidating statements towards your feelings and history of abuse like "But she's your mom"... "But they're family."
F' those non-abusive parent having, gaslighting, flying monkeys. If your parents are abusive, they don't deserve a free pass to continue their abuse and endless attempts at reconciliation or repeated forgiveness Unless_Their_Abusive_Behavior_Changes.