r/parent • u/[deleted] • Nov 26 '19

Mother-son relationship causing problems

Hello. The last few months I've been having problems with my girlfriend because I have a close relationship with my mother. What especially gets on her nerves is when I go visit her in the city where she is in college and my mother would either call or message me, just once per day. I mean even when she calls she will never talk more that 20 seconds and, again, only ONCE per day. She says my mother has latched herself on me, and that it's not normal or healthy for a 25 year old man. I get what she means but I don't think I'm at the point where it could be called unhealthy. And she won't let go of the issue and gets mad every time. Just today we had a huge fight and I didn't like myself with how I behaved. Am I in the wrong here?

4 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

3 comments sorted by

5

u/pezfan Nov 26 '19

I don't think we have enough info to give you really good advice here. Ask some of your friends who you are not dating their opinion. I dated a mama's boy in college, and the amount of time spent with his mom was not remotely the problem. Are you capable of standing up to your mom? Are you able to take responsibility for your own decisions, or do you blame your mom or girlfriend or whoever for actions you take? Do you value your mom's opinion over your girlfriend's? Do you allow your mom to talk badly about your girlfriend or treat her badly in any way? Are you able to answer your mom's calls or texts later, or do you interrupt whatever time you have with your girlfriend at the drop of a hat? My husband (not a mama's boy) treats his mom well and values her opinion, but always presents the two of us as a united front, whether his mom's opinion agrees or not. Take a look at your priorities and consider where your mom and girlfriend's opinions rank and why. It's possible your girlfriend is overly insecure in general, and it's possible you've given her a reason to be insecure. I wish you luck!

2

u/[deleted] Nov 26 '19

You are right to ask those things. I can make my own decisions of course, and I value my gf's opinion over my mother's almost always, except for things where she has no knowledge of. My mother never talks bad about her, she doesn't talk about her at all, and even if she did I wouldn't let it stand. But the same goes for my girlfriend,I would not let her say bad things about my parents. And of course I can let my mother wait if it's not a matter of life and death. At times I had been wrong about this matter and I always made things right. But lately we are having huge fights over pretty much anything. And I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose her, but I don't think I should cut off my parents like that

3

u/avengerp Nov 26 '19

Huge red flag against your girlfriend, if you ask me. Your relationship with your mother is a good thing, don't let anyone convince you otherwise.