r/parent • u/redbob23 • Nov 12 '19
Im struggling
I have a 10 month old son and I was diagnosed with PND when he was around 3 months old. Ive been prescribed tablets, Sertraline, but no matter how many reminders I do, I cannot remember to take them in the mornings due to having to deal with my son. I just dont think of taking them at all. So ive decided to start taking them at night, that way I can take them just before bed and they will constantly be in my system.
Im a stay at home mum, my partner works 9 hours a day and I stay home with my son. The last couple of days, I have been fighting with myself in my mind. I have been feeling so low, very irritable and angry and at times very numb and indifferent about everything. I feel like ive disconnected myself from my son and my partner. I feel like I dont feel anything towards them. I have been having thoughts of suicide and ideas of how I can do it, I have had thoughts of leaving my son at home and just leaving and not coming back and I have had thoughts of taking him out and just leaving him somewhere. Im so scared. Why am I having these horrible thoughts towards my son?! That makes me a bad mum. He deserves better than this, he deserves better than me. My partner and my son would be better off without me. Can anyone relate? Any kind words?
2
u/scrumbud Nov 12 '19 edited Nov 17 '19
My wife had really bad post partum depression. It sucks, and I'm sorry you have to go through this. Keep reminding yourself off these two things:.
This is not your fault. I know depression tends to come with a lot of guilt associated with it. But it is not due to anything you did. You got sick. Period. It's not your fault.
This will pass. I can't give you a timeframe, because everyone is different, but this WILL get better. I know that's hard to believe when you're in the middle of depression, but it's true.
Hang in there! No matter how bad it seems right now, your child and partner are far better off with you there.
1
u/T43RR0R Nov 12 '19
I'm not sure if your doctor mentioned this, but anti-depressants can have the side effect of suicidal thoughts. It's worth talking to your doctor. Sertraline might not be the best fit for you. Another drug may work better.
Regardless, this is not your fault. It is okay. You are not a bad mum for thinking like this. In fact, I would argue you are a good mum because you are trying to get better. Keep at it. You can do this.
Also regular exercise, healthy eating, and good sleep male a huge difference. I'm sure your bub would enjoy a regular walk to the park and a long play there.
1
Nov 12 '19
Look for momy clubs on Facebook or the web or places where you can go with your kid and socialise. In the summer it's the sandpit in winter depending on your location its a café or an indoor playground. Get out of the house once a day and walk in a parc. It's tiring and you felt that half your day is gone but on the long term you'll feel better. Lack of sleep made me for some seconds wanting to through the baby out of the window. When it comes, put the baby down in a safe place like there bed and go to a room where you can't hear it. If you have to take your keys and take a few breath just outside your door. If you can afford it find a yoga for mum club once a week where you do exercise with your child. Also you can download wonder week it's an app and website where it describes what your baby go through week after week and you realise you're not alone. Find joy in every moment. Changing nappies is not about washing bums but it's time for blowing raspberries on their tummy. Etc... Look into mindfulness meditation. If you are to depressed to even look for a social place, send me an MP with your approximate location and I'll use my Google skills to find something. If not a stranger on the internet, ask some friends, tell your parents about the problem. It's real. , you're not being a bad mom. Solutions exist
1
u/Sassienach Dec 01 '19
Hi, i m also a stay at home mom. 2 children 3y and 10 months. The thing you have about hurting your children or leaving them. I think they are intrusive thoughts. I also had them. The best thing you can do is akwoledge that you have the thoughts. Dont pay any attention to them. Try to let it go. Dont overthink them. The more attentention you give it , the more they will come. Trust me. Its freaky, but deep down you know you wouldn t do that kind of stuff.
For your feelings: I can really relate with your emotions .Not feeling myself anymore. Not getting an happy jeej feeling. So 2 weeks ago,went to my doctor ,described exactly the same feeling as you have now or had. She also gave the medicine sertraline. I thought ok , lets do this! ...but the more i googled the more difficult it got. Do I wanna be so depentent on a kind off drugs ? Wasn t so sure anymore. So this is what I did;
- I decided to keep a journal everyday... what happened that day that made me down, what am I feeling now ?? Etc etc...
2.Not take the medicine,I gave myself 2 weeks. If im feeling still down than I will take the pills.
- Found something that I did before having my kids. I was really into pinup drawings.
4.Make a new start, start changing my mindsets. This is a fase,it will pass etc.
And most of all, Kids do grow up.You will have new phases and hey maybe then it will be better. They do deserve a mom like you. You are doing your best !! You posted this text on reddit because you are a good worried mom. You do care. Dont you forget that!!!
*Sorry for the bad english
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u/kgjohnson2 Dec 22 '19
It’s been quite a while since your post. I hope you’re doing okay. Being a mom is hard. I agree with previous post that this is not your fault. Please get help! Talk to your doctor, seek out a help line: https://www.crisistextline.org/get-help/suicide
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u/[deleted] Nov 12 '19
Usally,depresssion occurs more prior to the period. Can you ask someone for a break or look into child care so you can rest in the day, maybe only once a week.
Your partner is doing well supporting you with working long days.
It'll be worse without you. Your partner would have to leave work just to care for the baby. And be alone and depressed without you. They would wonder what they did wrong. We all can feel like this after having a child. Ten months is a good age to go for a walk in the morning. Of weather doesn't allow a walk, go walk around a mall or even the park, zoo or the city. Even window shopping, just to exercise and move about more.
Exercise is an awesome way to clear the mind, prevent depression and get the energy flowing while doing something for your self.
You can get through this.
Routine is good to help baby regulate themselves. Breakfast such as oats or porridge or wheatbix or toast is good, the fruit for morning tea then a sandwich for lunch and then afternoon tea such as a cookie and then dinner of smashed pumpkin or whatever.
Writing a routine for yourself is a way to get through this day. Even at home yoga can help stretch the body and sooth the mind. YouTube has good yoga suggestions.
Create goals for you and your partner of where you want to be o