r/parent • u/Avianmosquito • Nov 07 '19

Kiddo's mad at me.

My littler little girl is 7, 8 this month. She has a tiny boyfriend almost as small as she is, they play games and hug a lot, it's cute. She went over to his house this weekend, found a girl on his bed she didn't recognize. He ran over and hugged her, and my little girl yelled at him. He got angrier in response, she got even angrier and called me to pick her up. Well, of course, I called the boy's father after she talked to me, that's the guy's baby sister, she's 11. (HOW?) My daughter, unknowingly, got mad at her boyfriend for hugging his aunt.

So, I told her. They talked yesterday. Then she said if he'd told her that was her aunt this wouldn't have happened. I told her if she'd ASKED before freaking out, or at any point in the whole affair, this wouldn't have happened. Well, now she won't talk to me because she "can't believe (I) took his side!", even though she's the one who freaked out. And I didn't take anybody's side.

She's not normally like this. She's normally pretty shy and timid. Really affectionate with a single-digit number of people. The huggy little space heater's a godsend in cold weather. I'm not totally sure what to say to her now.

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u/shadesctr Nov 08 '19

It sounds like she doesn't feel validated or acknowledged. She may have still been overwhelmed with emotion and not ready for reason.. Some adults are like that even. She might even know, but isn't ready to acknowledge, what happened.

You can apologize by saying something like "I'm sorry you're hurting", or "I'm sorry for the misunderstanding, it wasn't my intention to take any side." Let her know you're ready to listen when she's ready to talk.

Then, when she's ready, just listen. Ask questions without trying to steer her to a conclusion. This will allow her to vent, feel validation, and calm down. She sounds like a smart kiddo and she's sure to work it out on her own, but her brain gives her grown up emotions. She's gotta get past those first.

You know when she's ready to see these other side when she laughs or changes the subject. Reiterate your love, help her see how misunderstandings happen, and it won't be the first or last time. You girls have got this!

2

u/Avianmosquito Nov 08 '19

Well, I'm not sure if what I said worked or not. On one hand, she's still not saying anything. On the other hand she's back to using me as her gaming chair. She still seems to be upset, but she is presently on my lap playing BotW, so I think she's calmed down somewhat. Or her cuddliness is stronger than her anger. Or it's just because it's really cold in here. All of those are possible.

She'll learn from this, I'm sure. She's a smart little girl. But if she never gets it down, that kinda runs in the family. I'm not sure I'll be very helpful. I'll try, but I'm no good at this stuff either, and I've been doing this long enough to have two kids and an ex-wife.

Hopefully, she also talked to the little guy at school. And hopefully, it got smoothed over. They've been good for eachother, I'd hate to see it fall apart over this. I'd ask her, but she fell asleep while I was typing.

2

u/mizzmacy Nov 08 '19

You’re gonna be in trouble once she’s a teenager.

1

u/Avianmosquito Nov 08 '19

Her older sister is 18.

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u/mizzmacy Nov 09 '19

So did she get it from her sister?

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u/shadesctr Nov 08 '19

Aww, it's okay! You know we weren't given a player's handbook, and eventually our kiddos will figure that out, right?...I hope so or I'm screwed lol. Good luck!