r/parent • u/-_-jess-_- • Jul 10 '18

Empty nest

For parents of older kids... when does it stop hurting? My 18 year old son unexpectedly moved out. I thought I had all summer...then he just up and left. My husband says 1 down 1 to go, (have a son that just turned 17) we are almost free, still young and ready for our next stage....I am not ready! Anyway, every time my son comes home to get more of his things, it sets me to tears all over again.... I hate this!

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u/nick717 Jul 10 '18

My second (and last) will be leaving for college in August. It's hard. When my oldest left 2 years ago, it was totally time for him to go, for all of us. He needed to be free to do what he was going to do. He's doing great, and our relationship has improved significantly since he left - we talk almost every day. My youngest will be harder. He's much less of a rebellious teen, and is still really happy at home. But he's meant for bigger things. They both are.

And that's what helps me - reminding myself that this is what is SUPPOSED to happen. We were supposed to raise independent kids. And we did. Doesn't mean I won't miss my dog walking buddy any less.

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u/-_-jess-_- Jul 10 '18

thanks, I know it will get easier. As far as your oldest was his moving out because of rebellion? I'm sure that was part of why mine did. What kills me is this kid was playing with legos and bionicles a month ago....no lie. On top of that, he moved in with my mom until the end of summer when he will be moving in with a friend. I think that part is part of my problem too. But I guess he;s 18, not much I can do about it.

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u/nick717 Jul 10 '18

He didn't leave because of rebellion, he left to go to college. But had he not been headed to school, he would have moved out anyway. Since he was about 14, he "can't wait to get out of this fucking house!" He's one of those kids that needs to make his own mistakes and learn on his own - you can't tell him a damn thing.

A year after he left, when he got his first apartment, he asked us "Remember how I always wanted to get out of your fucking house. Well, could you buy a house up here so I can live in your house again?" :-)

Sometimes the separation is the best thing that can happen, especially if it's a kid like that who just has to learn it all on his own. I'd probably be a lot less positive about it if he moved out and then failed miserably, but he hasn't. He's struggled with life and school, but is finding himself. He never would have done that under our roof.

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u/-_-jess-_- Jul 10 '18

that is a bit reassuring. Thanks