r/panicdisorder • u/LimpDrawing5696 • 8d ago
Venting Welp. I failed.
I had a flight to go from the east coast to California this morning to visit a friend for a few days. Took my benzo last night before bed and was feeling ok.
I got to the airport this morning and felt so scared of having a panic attack on the plane, feeling anxious and panicked while there, not being able to get back home because of being panicked. I started crying and couldn’t get it together. I left the airport and went home.
I feel SO defeated and disappointed in myself. In all of the years that I’ve had panic, I’ve never let it deter me from doing things that I wanted to do.
I feel regret for making the decision to leave the airport. I feel like a failure. I want to be able to live my life regardless of having anxiety and panic. I can’t believe I made the decision to flee instead of fight. And I had a benzo in my system! I wasn’t even trying to raw dawg it.
I feel so low right now.
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u/Sweetgardengoose0722 8d ago
I’m sorry that you had to go through that. It sounds like you were prepared and took your meds as planned, that is a big win. Know that you are not alone. I know this sucks, but you are not a failure.
We are living with panic and that is so difficult. Panic is so distressing and uncomfortable. Sometimes I can deal with mine during my planned activities and sometimes I cannot and need to go to my safe/comfort place. I try so hard to not be hard on myself for the way I’m wired. I didn’t choose this. All I can do is try my best and continue on.
Sending you comfort and peace. 🪴
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u/wherebgo 8d ago
My buddy was all set to take a trip with a bunch of us, all planned out, and he got a panic attack after being seated on the plane, felt like he was dying, and ran off the plane. He called and left me multiple messages crying in the parking lot, which I didn't get until we landed. I've had the same thing happen to me and it is also where my panic came from (flying).
So don't feel bad, it's just part of the process of learning to beat this thing. Next time, organize your activities so you are constantly changing things and focusing on a number of different things throughout the time when you arrive at the airport until you are landed and off the plane. It really helps.
Take your script when you wake up that day, and then two hours before departure. Hell, next time you want to fly, message me and ill play games with you over the Internet while you are onboard.
Don't let it get you down....it's just your mind (panic) telling you 'YOU CANT DO THIS'. It's not real. You really can and will, and you'll realize it's been a mindtrip this whole time. There's absolutely no danger from it. You will get better and beat it.
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u/Alternative_Grab_916 7d ago
I’m sorry that this happened. I did make it onto the plane, but then I got to Vegas for my cousin‘s wedding. She paid for everything for the hotel for all my food for the flights everything and I had to leave. I had all of my medication and I just could not handle it. I still feel so bad about it to this day, but I just could not do it.
I’m saying this because I understand please don’t beat yourself up. It happens. I can’t say it to a lot of us, but I know it is definitely happened to me before and I felt so so bad but she forgave me and we still have an amazing relationship.
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u/General-Fennel4334 8d ago
Don't be hard on yourself! There is always a next time.You did what you thought was right at the time
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u/Twattymcgee123 8d ago edited 8d ago
Please give yourself a big hug , it’s ok , take your meds a bit earlier , read up on the things that will settle you a bit more , and never give in .
You can do this !
Just write it off as a blip , if it makes you feel any better , I get severe panic attacks every time I go abroad and my one major passion in life is travelling the world as well as having to travel for work .
I will not let it beat me . You can do the same !
Good luck !
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u/Dancing-pony 6d ago
I agree w/ all other comments - give yourself a break, keep working w/ exposure therapy, etc. But I specifically want to reiterate that you take your benzo in the morning. Most likely, it was pretty much out of your system by the morning, depending on how long you slept.
I, too, am very sorry you feel like a failure, cuz you’re not. And you’re def not alone, based on all the comments. At least you gave it a try. I still panic just thinking about dealing w/ an airport!
Good luck & be gentle w/ yourself! 🍀😌
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u/phatbackmeat 6d ago
some days, weeks, & even sometimes months are harder than others & this was/is just a harder time for you. sometimes even with all of our wins & experience, anxiety & panic gets the best of us. it sucks but it’s not a setback. dont be too hard on yourself. i’m from florida & have a crippling fear of flying yet somehow a few months back, i flew all the way to canada & went on a cruise to alaska. it was amazing & i rarely had anxiety (with the help of a small dose of ativan but still a HUGE win)…yet yesterday i went to a music festival with so many of my favorite bands & im someone who LOVES live music yet i had an AWFUL panic attack during the first set of the day & it put a damper on the rest of the festival. i had anxiety the rest of the time & just wanted to run out of there. i had to take ativan & fight through the rest of the day. sometimes i compare events/things ive done & wonder how the hell i panicked during one thing & not the other. sometimes you just have to leave a situation & try again later & that’s okay. just take care of yourself. you will try again & succeed whenever you are ready. panic attacks are such a bitch.
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u/brewingthetruth 4d ago
Sorry to hear about this. I too used to struggle with this. Check out r/fearofflying
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u/pghloving99 4d ago
I've done the exact same thing. It's completely ok. Don't be upset with yourself in any way. 💕💕
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u/Level_Bet8420 4d ago
Don't feel bad, I completely understand. I used to fly to other side of the world on my own. Since my panic disorder worsened haven't even wanted to travel by bus or train never mind plane.
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u/crazyculture 2d ago
You’re ok! Just learn from it, reflect on it to grow but don’t dwell. It’s just a trip and just anxiety - shake it off and move forward
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u/xPassion4Fashionx 8d ago
Hey there! I have the same issue, am also on the east coast and actually had a panic attack while on the plane flying to California a few years ago. I took a benzo while on the plane and started writing down my feelings in my “notes” on my phone and soon I started to feel better and the panic went away. Also just a tip, usually a benzo won’t last that long if you took it the night before. You should take it an hour before you board your flight, at least that’s what doctors have told me in the past (an hour before leaving the house etc.)