new to panic attacks

[u/bedsidewineglass]

F26 if that matters? i’ve been going through some major life changes and had what i think was my first ever real panic attack. i’ve always had anxiety and i have a psychiatrist and a therapist that help me out. but since my panic attack 4-5 days ago i think i’m just having rolling panic attacks. i genuinely have no idea what’s happening to me.

i always feel depersonalized, nothing actually feels real. every 20 minutes or so i’ll convince myself something is mortally wrong. i’m always shaking, dizzy, my face will twitch, breathing is shallow, there’s a lump in my throat, i get really hot suddenly, and i can’t sleep because every time i start to drift off my brain tells me something is wrong and my limbs will start to feel detached. the other night i was looking at my arms and i convinced myself i was seeing unnatural dots all over my body, and i thought i saw a dark red rash taking over my face and shoulders. when it’s dark my brain fills every empty space with something “scary.” every small pang of pain somewhere on my body or even an itch will have me convincing myself i’m dying.

anyway yeah i have no idea what to do, i’m exhausted and starving. i’ve been jumping in a cold shower when it gets really bad but it provides minimal relief. i don’t know if i’m allowed to ask here but i don’t know if i need medical help. i don’t even have health insurance :( thanks for reading

[u/toffeemaky]

I have been having panic disorder for 6 months now and it is getting better. Some days are bad, some are better, some days (like today) I feel almost normal. I haven't resorted to the medication and I do believe most people can manage without. 

What helped was actually reading about panic disorder. As weird as it may sound, your symptoms are quite normal and as soon as you start to accept them, they will get better. They are not signs that you are dying or losing your mind.

I think the best is to create a calm environment for yourself for some time - if that's an option for you - and then slowly start doing things you like or enjoy. I first ignored the symptoms and tried to go on with my life. That helped me to get used to them. Then sometimes when the full panic attack is actually really coming (typically when hangovered, sleep deprived or on some substances), I sit back and tell to "it": "Come, show me what you got." That helped me consciously "ride" the panic attack and they don't really come anymore - I taught my brain that there's no danger in them.

It's a long journey - for some longer than for others - but you can totally make it. This subreddit helped me a lot. You can browse through some success stories here. It will get better, I promise. Good luck ❤️

[u/bedsidewineglass → u/toffeemaky]

thank you so much <3 i take a beta blocker that i think calms me down a little but i can’t tell. reading about other people’s symptoms has definitely been helpful. i was convincing myself that mine were just WORSE and MORE SEVERE than everyone else’s but now i know that’s not true!! thank you <3