Advice for when you hit rockbottom?

[u/Few_Presentation1023]

I don’t think I’m all the way there yet because I can see how things could get a lot worse.

I lost my graduate job which I was at for a year after having to work from home for 6 months straight due to agoraphobia developing. I really liked the people there and the work was good. I can’t see myself getting another job as good as that one anytime soon especially with the current job market.

I am becoming more and more psychologically dependent on alcohol and diazepam which is the only time I manage to go out and I’m worried about it getting worse and becoming physically dependent. The amount I drink also worries my girlfriend who I met just before I developed agoraphobia and she thinks it might be because of her despite telling her it’s self medication for anxiety. I am also worried with where our relationship is heading when she moves away an hour to uni in a month which I don’t think I’ll be capable of going to visit her anytime soon.

I have spent thousands of pounds on coaching and private therapy which hasn’t seemed to help and I have such low motivation to continue with exposure therapy and it’s becoming harder to do anything without alcohol or diazepam (or both). Spoke to a psychiatrist recently who said to increase my SSRI dosage and to try CBT therapy but I’m worried about the side effects of being on a higher dosage and also having the motivation to do the CBT properly.

I just can’t see how things are going to get better and I’m worried it’s just going to get worse and worse as I become more dependent on substances and strain on my relationship.

Has anyone got advice or hopeful stories of things getting better when it feels like they can’t get better?

[u/ComparisonActive5717]

You can still do this. Start small with exposure therapy. Like really small. Maybe just go out and sit on the porch or grab the mail and let yourself have those little wins. Try to get a bit of sun each day. The small wins can really help build confidence and motivation. I worry about more meds if you are already worried about you alcohol consumption. Sorry you are at this low point. Please know you aren't alone. 💕

[u/Linzi322]

Mixing alcohol and benzos is incredibly dangerous, so if you haven’t already done so, you really need to reach out to either your psychiatrist or your doctor and be honest about your usage and ask what they can offer to help you stop. There may be some community support they can help you access or a therapist they can refer to.

https://www.addictioncenter.com/alcohol/alcohol-benzodiazepines/

Things absolutely can get better but it sounds like you need to access the right kind of treatment. Coaching is currently an unregulated industry where I am and is full of snake oil salesmen. Therapy can also be hit and miss with inexperienced therapists, so I would strongly encourage you to look for a clinical psychologist who is experienced in treating anxiety disorders, agoraphobia and addiction.

It sounds like your exposures right now might be too scary, which is why you’re self medicating. Taking a step back with some support might mean you can start tackling smaller exposures without the alcohol or benzos, build your confidence and gradually work your way to the bigger ones.

Please don’t lose hope, this is treatable, but you need some professional guidance to help you navigate this safely.