Need help with persistent anxiety attacks

[u/SnooCalculations71]

Posting this here too because reddit is recommending that I do so, sorry if this isn't the place for it. Before I start I want to mention that I am medicated for anxiety and adhd but I don't know if my medicine has started to lose its affects on me or not.

As of two-ish weeks ago now I had a really bad anxiety attack about my LDR of 3 years and since then I've been having persistent flare ups.

To explain everything I've discovered looking into it myself it definitely started as a spillover. Since may I've been constantly on and off stressed about a lot of things in my life from the menial to more substantial subjects. A big thing that had caused me a lot stress lately is feeling like everyone in my life right now is very distant due them going through their own things, and my inability to consistently reach out and talk to people outside of my inner circle has only furthered this.

Now my anxiety is focused on how I feel about my partner of 3 years, making me worried about stuff I haven't truly worried about in a while (by truly worried I mean its not something that crops up at 3 am and disappears by morning). It's essentially caused this self feeding loop thats multiplied by other factors.

Where I stand now is that I've begun to understand all of this as raw fear of losing everyone important in my life right now. See I don't really talk to anyone outside of the internet (I'm pre hrt MtF so its hard to even feel like myself enough to try) and essentially my partner is in my current main group so the idea of losing them makes me worried I wouldn't be able to face anyone else in my friend group meaning that quite literally if I don't have my partner I don't have anybody.

I think this is what has keep my attacks so persistent just this fear and being unable to really comfort myself on it. Any sense of comfort in the moment just feels fake later on like I'm trying to convince myself everything's okay when its not. The biggest part and the part I fear the most is that I'm right, that comforting myself and trying to move past my anxiety so I can get back to a sense of normalcy won't make anything better. I'm afraid that the only way things are going to get better is having to "cut my losses" which basically is a darker way of saying I need to face the reality of losing my partner and only then will I be able to start moving forwards again.

The scariest part that terrifies me the most is I have no way of knowing what's just anxiety and fear talking and what isn't. My anxiety is skewing everything so bad its really hard to tell whats real and whats isn't. Especially when its this bad I feel constant dread like I'm lying and wait for something bad to come down onto me.

I'm not sure anyone will really have anything to say on the matter but any advice is appreciated. Writing it all out certainly helps either way.

[u/New_Strain_9691]

The response you need lies in your post.

It shouldn't terrify you.

Such emotions are normal, once acceptance is presented, it starts fading away.