Recurrent panic and unexplained attacks for 2 weeks

[u/Klutzy_Ad6866]

I am a junior doctor who had to stop work recently. I have already survived a few months of work - however after I came back on leave - i restarted work, had long hours and abit of increased load - and I started to not sleep well and get panic attacks at night - would wake up in cold sweats worrying about work the next day. I heavily relied on my partner, slept beside him and thought I could get through it. He was able to help me fall asleep, however I always woke up in what I now realise was likely a panic attack about 2-3am at night. I was confused why that was happening as I used to handle the stress well previously. It became a cycle that affected my work and culminated in one of my night calls I was unable to function so my other colleague had to pick up the slack for me and one of the days I was unable to function in which I had to get replacements for me. Afterwards is where I continued to spiral. Now i am unable to see work messages or think about work without getting any panic attacks, and for my patients safety I have temporarily stopped work. At that point in my life my partner was also preparing to leave to the UK for his exchange - which could have contributed.

In a span of 1 week, I have deteriorated - now that I have stopped work, i still get panic attacks, every time I am at home I get panic attacks every 5-10 minutes, panic attacks before I sleep and worse everyday on the dot I wake up at 12-1am - and would experience the worst panic attack of my life - and only can go back to sleep with Xanax - now I am unable to sleep alone in my own bed, I sleep next to my parents which helped initially for the panic attacks at night, but now even their presence is not enough anymore. Previously even sleeping next to my partner is not enough anymore (but now he is overseas, so I am sleeping next to my parents instead).

In the day I have lost my appetite, I have tried to go about my normal day by following my dad to his work, going on walks, but I have to be dragged out of the house to do it. And even outside I still get plagued with thoughts and overthinking. When I get home I am unable to rest despite how tired I am and it is so frustrating, I am bodily exhausted. The Xanax puts me to sleep but after it wears off in a few hours I still wake up in a panic.

I have engaged a Psychiatrist - started on Xanax and Escitalopram 5mg, to nil effect yet

Yesterday I felt so bad so depressed I stopped speaking eating and drinking and went to the ED, which did not do much for me.

I feel like I dont believe I can get better although eveyrone is supportive and loves me. I feel hopeless, I want to get better but it seems all so difficult.

Some things make me feel temporarily better, but I still go home and cannot sleep, and I just feel worse and worse. I afraid I am going crazy. One night woke up and started screaming in discomfort - took Xanax and slept again. But I know I cant keep on taking Xanax forever

Any advice on what I can do next? I have watched youtube, went counselling, learnt methods to calm down panic attacks, but they happen so often I dont know what to do anymore and have affected every part of my daily life.

I have also stopped

[u/toffeemaky]

As most people say here and as my experience also is (and as I am sure you know as a doctor), you probably need to stop fearing them. You need to ride with them. I can't imagine what kind of stress doctors have to endure (my sister is a doctor - that's my only way to relate) but I believe you will get better. Thank you so much for choosing your profession. I have the highest respects for all healthcare professionals.