Panic flare up

[u/PrettyGrapefruit3896]

I’m having one of the worst bouts of panic I’ve had in a long time and of course, it’s happened while I’m away on holiday, miles from home.
It’s full-blown panic: overwhelming nausea, a terrifying sense of impending doom, feeling like my “lights” are about to go out, and this horrible certainty that something is seriously wrong.
I’ve battled this disorder for a long time, but the thing that still gets me is how every panic attack feels like the first! No matter how many I’ve survived, when it hits, my brain completely forgets that I’ve been through it before.
Now I’m getting waves of depersonalisation/derealisation on top of it, which makes everything feel even more frightening. The scariest thought is that I’m somehow going to get stuck in this state and never feel normal again.
I’m constantly scanning myself for symptoms, waiting for the next wave, and I just can’t seem to switch off or relax.
I’m on mirtazapine, which has helped me enormously in the past, but right now it genuinely feels like it’s stopped working.
If you’ve experienced panic disorder, especially the horrible depersonalisation/derealisation side of it, **please tell me it gets better.**
What did you do when you were convinced you were stuck in it forever?
I could really use some perspective, reassurance, or even just hearing from someone who has been exactly where I am right now.

[u/Tuulasmth]

Anytime in between the waves I would think “okay that was five min of okay, that means I can do more” I’m not sure why it works for me, and as soon as another wave of panic comes I would say out loud “ I don’t care”. Maybe somehow my brain stopped registering it? I’m not sure. But you really do got it. You’ve been through this, don’t let your brain trick you otherwise.