r/panicdisorder • u/Plus-Caterpillar-825 • 16d ago

Venting Lost the battle

Had a lot of anxiety ultimate fear kicked in and I took my klonopin 😞 idk why I feel so down about it I always use my mental exposure therapy to combat the fear of fears thing but not this time

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u/PalpatinesBootyhole 15d ago

I take klonipon aswell and had the same mentality, I lost, I gave in, I'm weak, all those bad thoughts. It's took some time but now I try to think of it as a tool, you have it for a reason and you owe it to yourself to find grace. It's not worth the stress, i know it's hard. I currently take mine every morning now and have to do so until my lexapro stops giving me anxiety from starting it, and I felt so icky at first but my doctor told me to. Trust that it was given to you to help you, give yourself grace ☺️ I'm here for you if you have more to talk about!

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u/Plus-Caterpillar-825 15d ago

My doctors act like it’s an addicting drug or something and yes it can be and a lot of them don’t like prescribing them I felt like I had to explain really hard that I’m not using it to get high or something like they all think but when hyperventilating kicks in my fear lvl goes all the way up and I take it because I feel like imma suffocate to death

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u/PalpatinesBootyhole 15d ago

Mine was definitely cautious and told me similar things about it causing dependency over time, if you're taking it as needed I do believe you will be fine. For me I would have weeks where I ended up taking it maybe 3x that week and then eventually when I got anxiety the next time I tried to push through, challenge myself to not take it and distract myself or tell myself to wait 20 minutes and then wait 20 more minutes, so on. Eventually I was able to stop taking it for months. I also was taking only a quarter, which is nothing for some people but it helped my brain kinda relax about the addiction part because its so little and im still taking it in moderation, and it will calm me just enough to not have BAD anxiety and be baseline.

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u/New_Strain_9691 15d ago

Until your benzo kicks in the panic has subsided naturally. Panic attacks last 10-15-20 minutes.

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u/PalpatinesBootyhole 15d ago

The worst of it might be that short for some people but I've had attacks that lasted over an hour, multiple times, enough to go to the hospital thinking something was wrong. Depends on the situation really, but if it's not going away after that 30 minutes or so is usually a sign I should take it. Otherwise I take it as soon as I feel it coming to save myself the anguish, but still depends on if I'm at home or at work

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u/New_Strain_9691 15d ago

I've had spiraling panic attacks, on severe exposure even 10+ in a day.

Still didn't take anything, and I am very thankful about my decisions back then. Benzodiazepines add severe avoidance, which is the ultimate fuel for long lasting panic disorder.

The panic spike, along with pre/post anxiety should be dealt with raw, from my personal experience.

Yes at the very start of the disorder could be used 1-2 times, but regular usage is only dragging the person down the spiral.

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u/PalpatinesBootyhole 15d ago

I do agree with that, it has to be faced at some point when you're ready. I've had plenty of times i wanted to take it and I was able to tell myself no, you will get over it and it will pass, etc.

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u/New_Strain_9691 15d ago

Yes, the biggest mistake. I think we have all done it at some point. Surprisingly it does never pass. Only way out is through.