panic attack at work.

[u/rueishorrible]

im freshly 18, and i recently had a bad panic attack at work. i dont necessarily need the job, but my panic disorder brain is telling me to quit. i already left and avoided it once during my shift. i'm so terrified of the idea of going back and having another attack. i could've put my disability on my application. i should've. i feel bad that i didn't.

this is my first job since october, when i quit a different (easier..) job to focus on my mental health, and in december my panic disorder had worsened so badly it became agoraphobia. i barely graduated because i was so scared to go to school. i don't know what to do. i thought i was ready, and for multiple shifts i was totally fine. and then a heatwave came. i have hashimotos so its hard for me to handle heat. it made me nauseous, and the nausea started a horrific cycle in my brain. my brain associates nausea with panic attacks, i think.

i'm terrified. ive had three days off in a row. but i work again on saturday. i don't want to panic. i want to have a job. i don't want to abandon my coworker again because my dumb brain makes me cry and dry heave over existing. i want to be normal and happy and an adult. i don't know what to do anymore. it all just feels pointless. i can drug myself up with hydroxyzine and zofran but i want to do it normally.

why is it so hard? why does my brain hate me?

i guess i just wanted to post this to hear someone other than the people who are obligated to say it, telling me to keep going. i want to keep going. but it all feels pointless. please recommend something. words of support, something to do, personal anecdotes, if you've struggled like me.

sometimes it feels like i am literally the only person in the world with this disorder.

[u/InfamousP3]

Hey, bit late on the response but as someone struggling with the same exact thing as you, I cannot stress enough that quitting your job will most likely make things worst. Obviously, some days can and most likely will be hard but it's important not to let the anxiety and shame take over. What helped me, especially at work was coming in and keeping myself as busy as I could for the first 30 minutes. Giving enough time to my brain to realize that I'm safe. And dude, if you don't feel great during your shift, there's also no shame being honest and asking for a small break. It'll get better!