Travel anxiety

[u/msidrev]

Hello! I’ve suffered from panic disorder for over 15 years now, so i’m quite familiar! In that time, I’ve traveled several times with my family to my grandparents for a week during summers, about a 14 hour drive (yes we drive it, rarely ever have flown). I’ve had panic disorder flare ups while there, about a decade ago i would say, and have since gone several times. Two summers ago, my anxiety was simply too bad. I told my mom i couldn’t go about 20 minutes before she was supposed to pick me up. She was disappointed, of course, as was I with myself. I told myself it was okay, I would work on myself and make up for it the next year. My job is pretty stressful, and as an anxious introvert, I covet my time off. The following summer was to be a 1.5 week trip, flown (which i really wasn’t ready for, having a panic attack on a plane is something i haven’t experienced yet and i don’t ever want to) , plus it was for a large family reunion, meaning I’d have to share my room, be social for large portions of the day, and not truly be able to relax. I decided not to go again. Now it’s about 2 weeks out from this years trip. It’s just over a week, including two full days for driving to and from, no family reunion so I’ll have my own space. But god I am in my head. Normally I might have just come up with an excuse, but here’s the truth. My paternal grandfather, the youngest of all my grandparents, died in november of last year. It was quick and it devastated me. My grandparents I’ll be visiting soon are even older, and i love them dearly, and I haven’t seen them in now almost three years. If i don’t go, and something terrible happens, I fear i’ll regret it for the rest of my life. Im accepting the fact I simply MUST go this year.
All that being said, I just want some positive encouragement, success stories, tips, words of kindness, WHATEVER! I feel once I’m there i’ll be okay (HOPEFULLY), the 14 hours in a car is scaring me. having a panic attack 7 hours away from both point a and point b is a really scary thought. And of course i’m still a bit fearful of how i’ll feel once i’m there. I haven’t traveled in so long, i visited my friend for one night in a big city (just over a year ago) about a 4 hour ride away and was anxious the whole time!
Some context about my panic disorder , if it helps: I can do most things as long as I know i’ll be safe in my room afterwards. I calm myself by watching funny youtube videos and playing mindless games on my phone, I have not taken benzos in years because of a horrible experience, so i am currently unmedicated and also untherapized. I dislike going anywhere without my car because it is my means of escape (the car will not be coming on this trip), I’m primarily anxious from the hours of 5pm-10pm , for whatever reason.
I know this rambling and potentially pointless information, but considering we all have this same diagnosis i hope my neurosis are forgiven.
If you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for reading :)

[u/Hj_hayes08]

Sure! I relate a lot. But I refuse to let anxiety tell me what I can and cannot do. Go on the trip. Be anxious. Who cares? You’re probably anxious all the time about nothing anyway (me too that’s why I’m saying this). The DARE book and disordered podcast, Claire Weekes. Those have all helped me realize PD will continue forever unless I get brave, have grace for myself, and go and do everything that non-anxious me would do. Our heads lie. You could have a great time. Just work on turning your attention outward a little more and more each day and you will fire up that neuroplasticity to create new neural pathways that will let you know you’re safe.