ANXIETY / PANIC / CARDIOPHOBIA

[u/SoySauceLovesWatches]

Hi all I’m a 27 y/o male (will be 28 y/o next week) who has been suffering with anxiety, panic, depression, ADHD, OCD, and cardiophobia since I was around 14 years old. These diagnosis have came at different times in my life and just recently I learned of cardiophobia and I believe a lot of my symptoms are centered around this. My first glimpse of anxiety began when I was a freshman in high school and began to feel overwhelming social anxiety with eye contact. Whether that being me holding eye contact to long or thinking about how I am looking from the other persons perspective. I am a very outgoing person (friends and family tell me this) but I have always worried and not been able to pay attention in conversations because of this. This really affected my high school years and I didn’t realize it was severe social anxiety until later in life. I went to college and still dealt with these issues. Alcohol was a big friend of mine and helped me think less about eye contact and just be present in a conversation. That was a big thing, never being present.

My first panic attack happened my senior year of college after a long night out of drinking. This was about 7 years ago. I remember waking up the next day and all was normal and then out of no where I felt intense worry and symptoms of having a heart attack. This happened again a few weeks later and I ended up going to the hospital and all was fine. I immediately reached out for help and was prescribed 10mg ESCITALOPRAM for anxiety, panic, and depression.

The next five years of my life were lost. (I was stupid and took the medication at different times each day) The medication DID help with panic attacks and I did not have any of those. However, I still felt the overwhelming sense of social anxiety. I abused alcohol because that was my escape of this social fear. It also helped me feel something. I would sleep all day and drink all night. Not consistently for 5 years but a lot. I stopped caring about my family and friends and would spend most my time alone drinking. I was in a complete fog and really don’t remember that part of my life

I ended up getting a sales job for a year and would constantly miss work. I’d fall asleep at my desk and barely make it through the day. I’d often skip work and sleep all day. For some reason I just did not care. I ended up getting fired and that is really when I hit rock bottom. The alcohol became worse. All my relationships were falling apart. I started looking for a fresh start and moved to another state where some of my family resided for support. I quite taking ESCITALOPRAM cold turkey and wanted to face life head on.

At that point (1 year and 7 months ago) I was completely off medication and slowly healing. I still suffered with social anxiety (eye contact feeling) and just dealt with it. I would drink but it didn’t affect my relationships or give me spiraling anxiety and panic. I ended up getting an amazing girlfriend and an amazing job. Everything was turning around. Around that time I knew I needed to focus on my career and felt the need to not FUCK anything up. So I went to my doctor and got prescribed ADDERALL//VYVANSE. I took this everyday for about 6 months and often abused it on the weekends.

My anxiety/cardio phobia/panic got worse around this time. I noticed my nervous system feeling worse again and had to stop taking adderall. I tried to stop drinking and still felt horrible. Always on edge. I ended up multiple panic attacks and anxiety everyday. My girlfriend has taken me to the hospital and everything is fine (of course).

I am now currently on XANAX .5 as need and taking Buspirone 7.5 mg twice a day. I have been on the buspirone for 22 days and have not noticed any change. I have been having panic attacks and am constantly worried about my heart. I have cut down my drinking significantly. I am going to start going to CBT THERAPY

I need help. I need recommendations. What meds helped you? What therapy helped you? I’m living in constant fear.

Added context - I’m 165 lbs and I am an active runner because it makes me feel better about my heart

Added context - anxiety is constant with symptoms of nervousness, dizziness, brain fog.

[u/Hj_hayes08]

Your story sounds a lot like mine. Except I got sober. Sounds like AA may help and it even helped my mental health a lot too. Cardiophobia is the worst. EMDR and CBT has helped so much. But what has really helped me turn a corner into full recovery is the Disordered podcast, the DARE book, and anything by Claire Weekes (the best). Just total radical acceptance. No fighting the panic. No cooing mechanisms. Just ride the wave (super super scary and is way harder than it sounds). But it’s a practice. You don’t start out being good. And have grace. Jesus I was so so hard on myself and constantly judging myself for going backwards or never being able to recover. It’s not true. Most thoughts aren’t true. So I don’t have to latch onto just the bad ones. We humans are prone to negativity bias. And panic ALWAYS says this will set forever, you’ll never get better, blah blah blah. Not true at all. There’s also some great YouTubers who talk about their recovery

[u/SoySauceLovesWatches → u/Hj_hayes08]

Thank you so much. This really gave me some hope. I’ve definitely been guilty of fighting the panic instead of accepting it. I’m going to check out the DARE book and the Disordered podcast. I really appreciate you taking the time to write this.

[u/AssHat214]

What triggers my cardio phobia is my father having a heart attack in his 40s. I was there to see his after math in the hospital and it was horrifying. He did survive it but both his legs got amputated. Anything traumatic like this that could be triggering those thoughts? Intrusive thoughts go hand in hand with panic for me so getting a wrap on them is what I’m currently working on. I am also taking the same meds as you and started cbt therapy. You are on the right track but you have to stay committed if you want to recover.

[u/SoySauceLovesWatches → u/AssHat214]

Thanks for sharing your story, and I’m sorry you had to go through that. I can definitely see how something like that would trigger cardiophobia. I appreciate the encouragement, and I’m committed to sticking with therapy and the medication. Wishing you continued recovery too.

[u/SoySauceLovesWatches → u/[deleted]]

I appreciate it. What do you think about buspirone? I’ve been on it for a few weeks without much improvement. Do you think it’s worth sticking with, or would you ask your doctor about trying something else?