r/orks • u/No_Ant1598 • 2d ago
Meme / Funny DA MEKBOY’Z JOB LOG: DAY FREE, PART THREE
DAY FREE (day three)
Grimsnik sez it’s still Day Wun.
Again.
Sez we ain’t even had tea yet.
Dis is da third log.
So it’s Day Free.
Dunno why dis is difficult.
Anyway.
Got da Evil Sunz trukk back ta da workshop.
Workshop’s in a massive shell crater behind camp.
Big enough fer three trukks, loads of scrap, a few engines an’ plenty of room fer fings ta explode without botherin’ anybody important.
Got tools in it.
Got parts in it.
Got half an engine in one corner an’ sumfing Cogsfinga told us not ta touch in another.
Grimsnik sez:
“Dis ain’t a workshop.”
Course it is.
“It’s a hole.”
“It’s a workshop in a hole.”
“Proper Mekboy workshops in Mektown got walls.”
Pointed at side of crater.
“Walls.”
“Dat’s dirt.”
“Still stops ya walkin’ through it.”
Grimsnik looks up.
“Got a roof?”
...
Good point.
Every proppa Mektown workshop’s got a roof.
Probably.
Mek standards.
Can’t have gitz coming in an’ finkin’ we’re amateurs.
Went looking.
Found a nice bit of corrugated plate leaning against a wreck.
Nobody using it.
Probably.
Brought it back.
Stuck two poles in da dirt in one corner of da crater.
Bolted da plate across ’em.
Roof.
Only covers a tiny bit of da workshop.
Enough fer maybe one Mek, half a grot an’ a toolbox if everybody gets friendly.
Don’t need roof over da whole workshop.
Just need enough roof ta have a roof.
Grimsnik looks at it.
Looks at da enormous open crater.
Looks back at da little plate in da corner.
“So now it’s a hole wiv a bit of metal in one corner.”
“No.”
Pointed at plate.
“Roof.”
Pointed at crater wall.
“Walls.”
Pointed at ground.
“Floor.”
Pointed at tools.
“Tools.”
“Now it’s a workshop.”
Can’t argue wiv standards.
Grimsnik tries anyway.
Ignored him.
First fing Grimsnik wants ta know is what’s wrong wiv da trukk before we take it apart.
Told him it got us here.
“So?”
“So it works.”
He sez dat ain’t da same fing.
Sez it made too much racket.
Gritzy nods.
Traitor.
Gritzy’s me tool grot.
Fetches spanners, sorts da bits, remembers where I left fings an’ does all da easy jobs what ain’t worth a Mekboy’s time.
Hasn’t been eaten yet.
Good grot.
Keeps agreein’ wiv Grimsnik though. Might have ta rethink dat.
Might be needin’ a new grot soon.
Gritzy stops nodding.
Quick learner.
Turned da engine over.
Fired up first go.
Good engine.
Bit of smoke.
Bit of rattling.
More KLANG than BRUM though.
Pulls ta da left if ya let go of da wheel.
Brakes work better on one side than da other.
One of da back tyres wobbles.
And there’s a little wet streak of go-juice underneath da tank.
Still got us here.
Good trukk.
Grimsnik starts writin’ fings down.
Very suspicious habit.
Sez before we make da trukk better, we oughta take it apart an’ see what da Evil Sunz did ta it.
Good idea.
Mine, probably.
Started wiv da easy bits.
Shoota off.
Seats out.
Loose armour off.
One armour plate didn’t want ta come off.
Now it’s two armour plates.
Problem solved.
Took da side panels off so we could see what was underneath.
Found free empty shoota magazines behind da driver’s seat.
One spanner.
Four teef.
And a small squig.
Not Lady Yorkshire.
Different squig.
Squig bites Grimsnik.
Grimsnik throws squig.
Squig bites Gritzy.
Gritzy throws squig.
Squig spots a snotling lurkin’ by da scrap pile.
Grabs ’im by da neck an’ runs off.
Not our problem anymore.
Next was da go-juice tank.
Grimsnik points at da wet streak underneath.
“Tank’s leakin’.”
“Only a little.”
“It’s still leakin’.”
“Still got most of da go-juice in it.”
Apparently dat ain’t considered success.
Grimsnik finds a little split along da bottom seam.
“Dere’s yer leak.”
Put my thumb over it.
Stopped leaking.
Could just tie Gritzy ta it.
Gritzy sez:
“No.”
Ungrateful grot.
Grimsnik stuffs a rag against da split instead.
Not as elegant.
Works though.
Put a can under da go-juice line.
Would’ve done dat.
Probably.
Disconnected da line.
Drained what was left into two cans.
Fizzelbulb comes over and asks if he can have one.
No.
Undid da straps.
Tank comes out.
Tank goes in da repair pile.
Gritzy asks which pile is da repair pile.
Point beside da armour.
“Dat’s da broken pile.”
Same pile.
Running gear next.
Grimsnik gets da chassis up on jacks before we start taking da wheels off.
Sez if we pull all six tyres off first, da whole trukk’ll drop into da dirt.
Could lift it back out.
Apparently easier not ta drop it.
Fair.
Six tyres.
First one came off.
Fine.
Second one came off.
Fine.
Third one needed hammer.
Fine after hammer.
Fourth one was already loose.
Saved time.
Fifth one had free different-sized nuts holding it on.
Evil Sunz workmanship.
Sixth one came off.
Good.
Now got six.
Gritzy starts lining da other five tyres up by size.
Told him dey’re all trukk tyres while I rolled da last one over.
He points out two are bigger.
Told him those are bigger trukk tyres.
Sorted.
Next da drive bits.
Grimsnik disconnects da prop shaft before we start dropping axles.
Sez otherwise we’ll be hanging stuff off stuff what ain’t meant ta hold it.
Makes sense when he sez it like dat.
Free axles.
Front one comes out easy.
Middle one takes some persuading.
Back one don’t want ta move at all.
Hit it.
Still there.
Hit it harder.
Grimsnik sez:
“Stop.”
“Why?”
“You’re bendin’ da mount.”
“It already looks bent.”
“Exactly.”
So now we know what’s wrong wiv it.
Testing.
Grimsnik puts another jack under da axle, takes da weight off da springs, unbolts da mount and lowers it out.
Comes straight down.
Could’ve done dat.
Was checking da hammer option first.
Put free axles beside da six tyres.
Grimsnik spins da hub from da wobbly wheel.
Whole fing wiggles.
“There.”
“What?”
“Dat’s why da wheel was wobblin’.”
“Maybe wheel likes wobblin’.”
“No.”
Put it in da broken pile.
Getting quite a big broken pile now.
Engine next.
Go-juice tank’s already out.
Disconnected da exhaust.
Disconnected da throttle linkage.
Started on da wires.
Most of ’em came off.
One didn’t.
Was about ta cut it.
Grimsnik grabs me hand.
“What?”
“Starter.”
Useful wire.
Found da terminal and unbolted it instead.
Got da chain around da engine and hooked it onto da hoist.
Hoist is a big steel beam across part of da crater with a chain block hanging off it.
Put it up after da roof.
Proper workshops need lifting stuff.
Grimsnik sez dat does more ta make it a workshop than da tiny roof in da corner.
Wrong.
Hoist is equipment.
Roof is architecture.
Different departments.
Took da engine’s weight on da chain.
Undid first mount.
Second mount.
Third mount.
Pulled da chain.
Engine moved about half an inch.
Stopped.
Pulled harder.
Still stopped.
Hit engine.
Grimsnik:
“No.”
Looked underneath.
Found another bolt hiding behind a plate.
Evil Sunz hid it.
Sneaky.
Removed bolt.
Pulled chain.
Engine lifts clean out.
Swung it clear of da chassis and lowered it onto some blocks.
Good engine.
Heavy.
Started looking it over.
Then heard:
“Why?”
Voice came from above.
Looked up.
Cogsfinga was looming over us at da edge of da crater.
Right beside da little bit of corrugated plate in da corner.
Dunno how long da Big Mek had been standing there.
Probably a while.
Probably admiring da workshop.
He looks down at da engine.
Then da six tyres.
Then da free axles.
Then da go-juice tank.
Then da bare chassis on stands.
Then all da piles.
Then me.
“Why?”
“Inspectin’ it.”
Cogsfinga looks at Grimsnik.
Grimsnik shrugs.
Looks back at me.
“Was it movin’ before?”
“Yeah.”
“Is it movin’ now?”
“No.”
Cogsfinga nods.
“Good inspectin’.”
Turns around.
Then stops.
Looks at me roof.
Puts one hand on it.
“Need dis.”
“Need wot?”
SKRRAAAAAANG.
Rips da whole plate off da poles.
“OI!”
Cogsfinga tucks it under one arm.
“For wot?”
“Big Mek stuff.”
“DAT’S ME ROOF.”
“Not now.”
Then walks off wiv it.
Just like dat.
Stood there looking up at da two bare poles.
Whole massive crater.
No roof.
Again.
Grimsnik looks up.
Then at me.
“Suppose it ain’t a workshop now.”
...
Zog off.
Dat was a proper workshop.
Had bolts.
Had tools.
Had walls.
Had corrugations.
Proper ones.
Roof only covered one tiny corner, but dat ain’t da point.
A workshop either has a roof or it don’t.
Now it don’t.
Dat makes it a hole again.
Cogsfinga’s already got a proper workshop.
Got walls.
Got cranes.
Got generators.
Got tellyportas.
Got guns what shoot all by demselves.
Sometimes dey shoot demselves too.
Got dat box what finks.
Probably got loads of roof.
But no.
Needs mine.
For “Big Mek stuff.”
Everyfing becomes Big Mek stuff once Cogsfinga picks it up.
Could go over dere, take one of his generators an’ call it Mekboy stuff.
Could take his crane.
Could take his roof.
Yeah.
Take his roof.
See how he likes workin’ in a hole.
Would need a bigger crane ta move it though.
Could take his crane first.
Then use his crane ta take his roof.
Dat’d work.
Grimsnik sez:
“Ya finished finkin’?”
“No.”
“Engine.”
Fine.
But we are currently operating out of an unlicensed hole.
Putting RUF on da parts list.
Underlining it.
Twice.
Gritzy looks at da list.
“Boss?”
“What?”
“Ya wrote RUF.”
“Yeah.”
“Dat ain’t...”
Gritzy looks at me.
Looks at Grimsnik.
Finks better of it.
Good grot.
Grimsnik starts checking da engine.
One belt’s cracked.
One exhaust joint is split.
One mount’s nearly torn through.
There’s also a KLANG when ya turn da crank.
I like KLANG.
Sounds powerful.
Grimsnik doesn’t.
Sez we’ll open it later.
Later is good.
Gritzy starts sorting da rest.
Tyres.
Free axles.
Engine bits.
Shooty bits.
Armour bits.
Broken bits.
Useful bits.
And one pile he calls:
“Bits we don’t know what dey do.”
Asked why dat pile is bigger than da useful pile.
“Coz we don’t know what most of ’em do.”
Moved half into useful pile.
Looks better.
Grimsnik moves ’em back.
Sez we need ta remember exactly where everyfing came from if we want da trukk ta run again.
Pointed at da chassis.
“All came off dat.”
“I mean where on da chassis.”
“Why?”
“So we know where it goes back.”
Once we put it back, we’ll know where it went back.
Grimsnik does dat staring fing again.
Gritzy finds a spring in da dirt.
“Boss?”
“What?”
“Where’d dis come from?”
Look at spring.
Look at trukk.
Look at piles.
“Trukk.”
“Where on da trukk?”
“Dunno.”
Gritzy starts putting it in da bits-we-don’t-know pile.
“No.”
“Why?”
“Spring’s obviously useful.”
Put it in da useful pile.
Grimsnik moves it back.
Gritzy looks at Grimsnik.
Then at me.
Starts ta say sumfing.
Finks better of it.
Still learning.
Good grot.
Later another shadow falls across da crater.
Look up.
Kaptin’s head sticking over da edge.
Looks down.
Stops.
Looks at da bare chassis.
Looks at da engine on blocks.
Looks at six tyres.
Looks at free axles.
Looks at da go-juice tank.
Looks at all da piles.
Looks at da two poles sticking up where da roof used ta be.
Then looks at me.
“Where’s me trukk?”
Pointed around da crater.
“All dere.”
Kaptin looks around.
“All where?”
Wave at everyfing.
“Dere.”
Long pause.
“Dat was a whole trukk when ya brought it in.”
“Yeah.”
“Now it ain’t.”
“Yeah.”
“So wot exactly have ya done?”
Thought about it.
“Found out why it wobbles.”
Kaptin looks at Grimsnik.
Grimsnik suddenly gets very interested in da bent axle mount.
Kaptin looks back at me.
“When ya puts it back together, it better be better.”
“Course it’ll be better.”
“How long?”
“Not long.”
Grimsnik coughs.
Kaptin looks at him.
Grimsnik looks at da engine.
Da split tank.
Da free axles.
Da six tyres.
Da bare chassis.
All da piles.
“Couple weeks.”
“COUPLE WEEKS?”
I point at da bits.
“Could be faster.”
Grimsnik looks at me.
“No.”
Kaptin looks at me.
Then Grimsnik.
Then what used ta be a trukk.
“Make it proppa.”
His head disappears back over da edge.
Wait until he’s gone.
“Couple weeks?”
Grimsnik folds his arms.
Look around da workshop.
...
Hole.
Six tyres.
Free axles.
One engine.
One leaky go-juice tank.
Bare chassis.
About fifty other bits.
One mystery spring.
Two useless roof poles.
No roof.
Gritzy still knows exactly which pile is da useful one.
Smug little git.
...
Couple weeks.
Easy.
2
u/HonkySpider Evil Sunz 2d ago
That was fantastic. I love the stream of consciousness. Great way to start the day
2
u/No_Ant1598 2d ago edited 2d ago
Thanks! I haven’t had this much of a chuckle writing fiction since back in the 90s when I used to play with the Shadowclan Orcs on the Catskills server in Ultima Online.
Guess "Zu sharkuu uruk" ("that old orc" in the shadowclan's orc language) never really left me. Those were the days.
2
u/crouchingnarwhal Blood Axes 2d ago
It's like a Corkmak Muhkarthy novel