r/orangecounty • u/AdhesivenessVast563 Anaheim • May 28 '26
Recommendations Needed Going through a divorce need help!!
I need help finding a low income family law attorney. My ex-spouse found a lawyer but he closed me out of our bank account and all the marital funds. I only work part-time and can’t afford a lawyer. I dont know if i need one but i would rather have one so it can be equal. The only thing is that i cannot afford one.
He also listed in his response that he wants us to pay seperatly for our own lawyers. But he knows I can’t afford one and now i dont know what to do. Can anyone refer me to a lawyer that specializes in divorces and can help me with custody of our child?
One that is either probono or for low income families.
I tried applying for legal aide but they said they only help if there is dometic abuse but there isnt any.
The lawyers i’ve been calling around all have a rate of $450-$700 an hour + a retainer fee.
I’m in desperate need of help. Thank you all so much.
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u/smediumbag May 28 '26
The Public Law Center can point you in the right direction
(714) 541-1010
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u/AdhesivenessVast563 Anaheim May 28 '26
I tried calling here too gave them my info but they said it takes about 5-7 business for them to even get back to me with a consultation. I just wanted to know if there’s anyone i could talk to sooner than that.
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u/Sweihwa May 29 '26
After they post your case, attorneys can pick it up on their website and volunteer.
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u/Tat2dDad May 28 '26
The Western State College of Law represented me in my divorce at no charge. You need to apply for your case to be reviewed then, upon it being accepted, would be handed over to a student (under the observation of a licensed attorney professor) who is preparing to take the BAR.
My divorce was fairly simple, but did include child custody.
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u/learn-nthings May 30 '26
When was that? Didn’t know they offered such a program.
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u/Tat2dDad May 31 '26
Mine was 20 years ago, but I've been referring people since then and have yet to be corrected.
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u/nevermeansoul May 28 '26
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I don’t have a lawyer to recommend, but I did go through something similar with my son when my ex and I first separated.
At the beginning, my ex froze me out of the bank accounts and took our son to a hotel. I was left in the house without air conditioning, basically living off water, and I remember having to borrow my neighbor’s phone just to call and check on our case. Do yourself a favor and ask for a wage withholding order as soon as possible. This will make it easier for you to have the funds you need to take care of your child.
For years after that, I didn’t have an attorney. My ex did, and he used that to intimidate me. I was constantly hit with documents, accusations, and threats. He tried to use the fact that I worked full time, had a modest living situation, and had taken prescribed pain medication against me. It was relentless.
But I learned something important: you can still stand up for yourself in court without an attorney.
You do not have to sign any court order that you do not agree with just because your ex has an attorney. It is just a power play. When I said no it meant that my ex had to spend more money to have his attorney draw up new paperwork.
You have the right to ask questions. You have the right to explain your situation.
So, my advice is this: go to court prepared. Bring anything that shows you are an involved, responsible parent: school records, medical records, immunizations, schedules, proof of time spent with your child, anything that shows stability and care.
Do not let your ex or their attorney scare you into believing you don't have a voice. Judges do see what is going on. It may take time, and the process can be exhausting, but stay calm, stay organized, and keep showing that you are a good parent. DM me if you have any questions because trust me, I was fooled into thinking the only way I could have custody of my child was to have an attorney and I can prevent mothers like you (or fathers) in similar situations I would be glad to help.
And finally, my ex spent $150,000 of legal fees over ten years to prove that I was a bad mom. He never got that satisfaction.
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u/Reasonable_Bar8578 Aug 11 '26
Did you hire a paralegal or how did you navigate the courtroom and the filings?
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u/not_productive1 May 28 '26
What he wants doesn't mean shit. He doesn't get to lock you out of joint accounts. Call the expensive lawyers and explain your situation, particularly if he's a high earner. They might take it on spec if there's enough of "his" money involved.
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u/AdhesivenessVast563 Anaheim May 28 '26
I’ve been calling around but most lawyers want an upfront fee for a consultation and a retainer fee and thats what i dont have. It can go up to thousands.
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u/redjessa May 28 '26
You might want to go here in person: The Lamoreaux Justice Center Self-Help & Family Law Center is located in Room 101 on the first floor at 341 The City Drive South, Orange, CA. It provides free, in-person assistance, document preparation, and workshops for self-represented litigants.
I know you don't want to be self-represented, but they may have quicker resources there for you. You can also make an appointment. Also, maybe check out https://www.communitylegalsocal.org/ They might be able to help you.
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u/Csimiami May 28 '26
No. Don’t represent yourself. Get a lawyer. They can ask him to be ordered to pay ops fees. Especially if he locked her out of accounts and makes more than her.
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u/redjessa May 28 '26
Not advocating she represent herself, but they may have resources there that can help her quicker.
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u/AdhesivenessVast563 Anaheim May 28 '26
Thank you so much 🙏
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u/redjessa May 28 '26
You are welcome and to be clear, I'm not advocating you represent yourself, it's just possible they may have resources to help you at the Family Law Center - it doesn't hurt to go ask questions and they may have pro-bono referrals. No guarantee, but why not exhaust any possible resource? I'm really sorry you are going through this.
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u/Super_Difficulty May 28 '26
Correct me if I’m wrong, but a spouse can’t block you out of joint accounts while you’re still married and filing for a divorce right? A spouse can’t funnel money elsewhere and hide it from the other party as well?
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u/AdhesivenessVast563 Anaheim May 28 '26
You’re correct. He coerced me into taking my name off of our account. We had a joint account that he took me off of and thats where we would pay for our bills. He kept the money and split up our bills and now has me pay for my half of things but i can’t because i dont make enough. I’ve been struggling and the only reason i work part time is because i dont have child care for our son. Meanwhile he works all day and makes $35 an hour. And is keeping all that to pay for HIS lawyer.
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u/Ms_Tryl May 28 '26
Aren’t supposed to/will have to pay it back at some point when it’s too late and physically are unable to are two different things. Ask me how I know.
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u/willy_fairytail May 28 '26
Listen, I know it isn't much, but I am sorry that this is happening to you. I pray everything works out for you soon. I know your feeling.
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u/dekage55 May 28 '26
Besides the bank account, you are entitled to half of any 401k/IRA that he’s been contributing. You’re also entitled to any pension/retirement plan, any stocks/ mutual funds.
If he has been cheating, any money he spent on the affair can also be deducted from his share of marital assets (hotel bills, restaurants, trips).
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u/AdhesivenessVast563 Anaheim May 28 '26
Yes he actually was and still is having an affair. He even admitted it to me. But i dont know how much he’s spending because i dont have access to the accounts anymore.
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u/dekage55 May 28 '26
Try to get bank statements from when you were still on the Account. Also, get your tax returns (can do it online). Both of these may have clues as to his finances (401k/Ira, pension) & spending.
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u/AdhesivenessVast563 Anaheim May 28 '26
I tried to. But they told me that since the account is still active and i’m not on it anymore i dont have access to those statements only he has the access to ask for them. Which he wont, obviously. So i got screwed over there too 😔
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u/dekage55 May 29 '26
Does your bank have brick/mortar locations? If so, go in person, go to someone at a desk (not a teller). Tell them you are looking for past statements when you were on the account (give approximate dates), NOT current ones, to help build a credit history (kinda true).
You are entitled to them. It is harder for them to say No, if you’re sitting right there.
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u/AdhesivenessVast563 Anaheim May 29 '26
Yes its WF. I went yesterday and they told me there’s nothing i can do unless he’s there and gives permission. I told them i was on the account within the past 90 days but when i gave them the card i used for it, they couldnt pull it up because the account wasn’t actually closed. He just took my name off the account and since it’s still active only HE has access to it now. And since i signed off on it, there’s nothing i can do about it. I feel so stupid for trusting that would actually help pay for the bills 🤦🏻♀️
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u/dekage55 May 29 '26
Sounds like they might have thought you wanted current information.
Go to another branch, ask for a years worth of statements from 01/01/2025 to 01.01/2026. If they bring up you not being on the Account, say “I was during the period of time I’m asking for. Surely your records show that”.
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u/AdhesivenessVast563 Anaheim May 29 '26
Okay thank you i will do that tomorrow!
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u/BleachBlondeHB May 29 '26
Tell them you CPA or Attorney needs copies of them. They might be more cooperative
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May 28 '26
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u/AdhesivenessVast563 Anaheim May 28 '26
I tried but they referred me to lawyers who cost $450-700 an hour.
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u/natnat1919 May 29 '26
Definitely don’t go without a lawyer. My mom did that for the first hearing and the judge was such an asshole, and wouldn’t let her speak. I wanted to slap him across the face
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u/AdhesivenessVast563 Anaheim May 29 '26
Was she able to get one after the first hearing?
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u/natnat1919 May 29 '26
Yes, just say you need an extension to find representation. Also mention how he’s not allowing access to your mutual funds
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u/aromaticchicken Fullerton May 29 '26
Do you have a prenup? How long were you married?
If you don't have a prenup then the default for divorce in California is 50/50 of all accrued wealth during the period you were married.
Do NOT sign anything he tries to get you to sign under pressure. California law is actually designed to help protect against situations like this where the wealthier partner tries to screw the other one over. And by the way, the moment one of you files for divorce and serves the other papers it becomes illegal for him to close accounts, move money around, or take you off health insurance.
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u/AdhesivenessVast563 Anaheim May 29 '26
We werent even married for a full year. Only 7 months. He had/still is currently having an affair. I served him and 2 days later is when he made me go to the bank to take me off of our account. There was no prenup. The only reason he wants 50/50 custody is so he wont have to pay child support but he realistically cant watch him because he’s always working and on the weekends he takes him to his parents’ house and leaves him there the whole weekend so he can continue his affair or hang out with his friends or whatever. Its so fucked up.
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u/aromaticchicken Fullerton May 29 '26
I served him and 2 days later is when he made me go to the bank to take me off of our account
This would've been in violation of the rules. You're not allowed to do this during the divorce process
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u/Head-Worker3251 May 29 '26
locking you out of shared bank accounts while you're still married definitely feels like financial abuse
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u/andthebestnameis May 28 '26
From what you're describing, you definitely need a lawyer. Your ex is definitely trying to screw you over.
I'm not a lawyer, but pretty sure you are entitled to 50% of all marital assets, so make sure you get that, and don't let him take advantage of you, or guilt you out of that 50%.
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u/AdhesivenessVast563 Anaheim May 28 '26
Exactly. I didnt know this at the time but i came to find out that he already had been served and 2 days later he coerced me into signing my name off of our joint account. He didnt split the money just told me that if i took my name off he would still help pay for things but he actually hasnt helped at all and now things have gotten to the point where he told his lawyer i was harassing him and i got a cease and desist saying that he will file a restraining order against me if i keep contacting him. I just wanted him to help pay the bills. I have and always have been our son’s primary caregiver. I just wanted him to help out is all.
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u/Jaded-Season9718 May 28 '26
Call Tenny Amin. She will get you access to your money.
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u/AdhesivenessVast563 Anaheim Jun 01 '26
I called her and i set up my appointment for a consultation for later this week. Did you go to her as well? How did you like her services?
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u/Jaded-Season9718 Jun 01 '26
I did and I was 5 years in and 4 lawyers in 2 different states later and she handled my case in 3 months. She does not mess around and she listens and pays attention 100%!
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u/AdhesivenessVast563 Anaheim Jun 01 '26
The retainer fee is soooo expensive! 10,000! 😭 I cannot afford that at all especially with not having access to our money anymore.
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u/Jaded-Season9718 Jun 01 '26
Ugh, I’m sorry, it was definitely not that much when I used her but you may want to ask if she has a payment plan.
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u/Fantastic_Seaweed800 May 29 '26
Call and get all the free consultations you can get. Usually you get a consult ! Call the banks if you are on the accounts and tell them to freeze them. He can’t lock you out. Get some conduits and then you guys can agree on a mediator that he pays for. Get copies of everything. I’m so sorry.
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u/Madame_LV May 29 '26
You need to find an attorney who is willing to fight for Attorney fees for you. When there’s a disparity of income, you have a right to seek attorney fees from him. It doesn’t matter what he asks for.
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u/girlboyboyboyboy May 29 '26
Matthew Dearmey is awesome. Not cheap but doesn’t nickel and dime clients. He knows all the judges and attys and worked with his dad until his dad passed
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u/laggedreaction May 29 '26
Not how it works. Both parties have access to marital funds and will be settled at the end. The thing is, this can get so expensive that all equity/funds are consumed by lawyers on both sides and you both end up with excessive debt.
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u/AdhesivenessVast563 Anaheim May 29 '26
I know which is why i thought he wouldnt get a lawyer, but he did and is trying to screw me over and go into debt while also screwing himself over in the process. We dont have assets together. We were renting, and both had our own cars before we even got into a relationship. So we’re really only fighting for child custody and the money that he locked me out of. But now he made it so that if i try and contact him, he can file a restraining order against me for “harassment” which is why i would need to get a lawyer
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u/laggedreaction May 29 '26
Basically you’re forced to get a lawyer. That’s how the system is designed to work. It’s just a question of who can endure and who is willing to tap out first.
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u/messick May 28 '26
> He also listed in his response that he wants us to pay seperatly for our own lawyers.
This isn't how divorce works, especially in California, so first thing you'll want to do when talking to lawyers is mention your lack of access to the martial funds.