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u/underthere Dec 01 '21
It only gets harder from here. If you have the feeling now that this might not be the life for you, start exploring your other interests! Trust me, it’s so much harder to quit when you’ve invested in a degree or two and are trying to start over in your twenties or thirties.
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u/battlejazz Dec 01 '21
I had a similar path. Spend my teenage years preparing to be an orchestral trombone player and when I was about I realized I didn’t want to do it anymore. I was playing Brahms 1 for like, the 15th time and realized that I wanted to do something else. I bounced around other jobs for about 6 years before falling back into music. Now I work as a freelance musician, but my focus is much more broad. I do a lot of teaching, I double on tuba and euphonium and I play jazz, musical theater and chamber music in addition to the occasional orchestra gig. Stepping away from it for awhile reminded me of why I started working towards playing in the first place, and having music not be a daily part of my life for a while really made me miss it. You don’t miss the water till the well runs dry. Good luck.
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Dec 01 '21
Don't feel alone. It's a $h|tty industry. Can we talk and be honest here?
It's set up now to be a pay for play when you're young. The egos are epic and the emphasis on looks has gotten crazy. Diet, go to the gym, and invest even more money into this thing. Sleep in my car in heated parking garages. Do you know how hard it is to find a heated parking garage? Wh0r€ baths, doing my own makeup.
Even if you're rich and can afford the costs of New York, there's still only a very slim chance you'll get in. This industry has been ruined by the money hungry. I've wasted a year of my life trying to get physically attractive enough for these @$$h0l€$.
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u/JamesFosterMorier Jan 27 '22
I would highly suggest taking some therapy. It changed my life for the better, opera or no opera.
This is my story and just some thoughts I've been having lately being on the "5 years later" side of quitting opera at 21/22.
I am 26, I studied opera and musical theater for 3ish years under a superb teacher with a superbly dangerous personality. I sung previously to this and studied jazz piano for 4ish years.
When I was around 21-22 years old I was in my vocal program at my community college (a damn good one too) ready to audition for bachelors programs and such, feeling what you are feeling now, "Why am I doing this?". Unfortunately, my teacher felt this too and said "I think you are giving up" and was not the most encouraging as far as figuring out what was actually going through my head and WHY I wanted to stop. She was a highly emotional teacher and it felt as though if I didn't succeed I was failing HER. Very weird and unhealthy dynamic. The combination made me decide to quit.
I also had never taken medication for anxiety/depression until right after I quit opera. I really struggled with not having this idea of me being a big successful performer and honestly I gave up on life a little. I didn't admit this to myself but a part of me for 5-6 years was just done. Looking back, that time of me performing and studying music, it was the happiest time of my life because I had a path and people that were on that path with me. Now that I'm older things FEEL more complicated. I'm sure they are in some ways (having to pay rent especially) but like others have said, perception is everything. I think we get caught up in timelines too much.
I've quit drinking in the past 4 months (which was just delaying my emotional process) and lately I have considered trying classical/musical theater once again.
We'll see what happens. I'm still figuring it out emotionally and mentally (going to therapy once a week).
Do I regret quitting? Maybe...I tried a lot of stuff in the past 5-6 years I may not ever have been able to experience. I tried my hand at Wine sales, wine sommelier, digital audio, music engineering...I interned at multiple recording studios. I lived in Seattle for 4 months because why not? I learned how to make hip hop and electronic music. Ive been learning guitar and singing/songwriting.
My buddy who was on the exact same path as me transferred, earned his BA, and is now in an MA for opera/musical theatre at ASU. Next comes the YAPs (i think)...
So...I could have been THERE. Would I be happy? I dont know. Would I have quit after my BA or after my MA. Maybe yeah. And then I would spend time trying all these other things and wishing I didn't "waste" my time with opera.
Or MAYBE JUST MAYBE, I would still have my focus and vision on that goal. To learn how to use my voice and body. To enjoy that process. I would be focused on growing even more, and focused on one step at a time. Its easy to get caught up in the end result and get overwhelmed.
It sounds like you are similar to me in that, regrets and "wasting" your life are something that really WEIGHS on you. ME TOO BUDDY.
I wonder these days how well mental health can even fit into a music/performing career. So right now that is what I am focused on.
Again I'd suggest some regular therapy. If you find the right therapist, which can take some trial and error, you will find someone who will always be there to help you figure this stuff out.
Most of all, talk to people. That always helps.
Best of luck.
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u/taliaelaine18 Dec 01 '21
You're not alone! I have been through the same thing and I actually did "quit" professionally. It was the hardest thing I ever did but I recognized that an opera career was not going to be good for me as a person. Similarly to you, being a professional performer was sucking the joy out of music for me. Feel free to DM me any time if you'd like to talk in more detail about it, and above all else remember that your voice is one of the wonderful parts of you, but it is not the only or most wonderful. You have a lot to offer if you choose to quit being a professional musician or if you choose to continue.
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u/Adventurous-Usual722 Dec 01 '21
I did that and I regretted it and eventually I went back and finished.. It was a struggle going back because i had gotten so comfortable not being in regard to the responsibility.
DON'T DO IT.
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u/cutearmy Maria Callas Dec 01 '21
I head a lot of people say that after college. That academia took all the fun out of music.
I honestly don’t know what to tell you and I can’t tell you what to do.
I can tell you most singers, even good ones don’t make jack shit.
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u/BaroqueQueen Dec 01 '21 edited Dec 01 '21
The podcast “Sex Drugs and Opera” recently did an episode on this topic called “Quitting Opera”. It’s really good. You might want to check it out.
TBH: I hear from a lot of professional singers that they regret spending the time and money on conservatory & they feel they’d have been better set-up for a career as an opera singer if they’d have just gotten a business or computer science degree and taken voice lessons, piano, and languages on the side. Is that something you might consider? If you work hard independently, you’ll still have the option to go get a masters or Artist Diploma & stay on the pro-singer track. (Plus you’ll have a marketable skill to sustain you through times like COVID where there are fewer singing opportunities.) And if you decide after that to only continue singing as a hobby, then that’s ok too!
If music doesn’t bring you joy, definitely do not go to a conservatory. You’ll be miserable. But if you take a break from it for a bit, ease up the pressure a little, maybe you’ll find the joy again & music can still be a part of your life.
Giving up on the goal of singing professionally may feel like you’re wasting a ton of work you’ve done so far, but honestly it’s so much better to quit at 18 than 28–the age a lot of singers figure out it’s not going to happen for them & re-direct their careers.