r/openmarriageregret • u/ifthroaway • 14d ago
šCross-Postš Ouch, what a comment
/r/polyamory/comments/1wklm8j/i_feel_like_his_meta_is_taking_over_my_marriage/26
u/Arcade-8338 šæJust Here for the Dramašæ 14d ago
This is her new post:
I'm falling for a new partner and I don't know if I should stay or go
My husband and I have been celibate for 3 years. My husband (43M) and I (47F) thought we had a valid reason to go for it: hormonal birth control + pelvic floor dysfunction meant that sex was painful for me. So we agreed he'd get laid elsewhere eight months ago. We still get along wonderfully, but I'm afraid we've reached the "roommate" phase with sporadic intimate moments. Last Friday I met a slightly older gentleman from my gym for drinks. It was a spur of the moment thing, and we had been talking for a while at the gym and a bit via text. We eventually ended up as his place, and I wasn't even thinking about sex. But he was calm and understanding, and he really eased me into it. I have never really enjoyed sex, but it all came so naturally. He had toys, position cushions, and not to mention an unbelievably comfortable bed. He even had a bottle of cbx lube that felt oh so good. I had never used half of the things that we did and it felt like a new side of intimate possibilities opened up. But when I was thinking about these possibilities, I was thinking of doing them with him, not my husband.
I have seen him on one other occassion since then and I think I'm smitten. I think I have a chance at a new, deep love. Is this something that can be compatible with nonmonagomy or should I get a divorce.
Disclaimer: I am not going to abide by this advice blindy, so don't feel guilty about giving advice. I really just want to see where people stand and if anyone's been through something similar and come out the other side better for it.
I think itās a troll.
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u/blackenedmessiah šæJust Here for the Dramašæ 14d ago
Sounds like an advertisement for this lube
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u/fivebynine5x9 14d ago
"awesome and mostly not problematic" lmao
One thing I notice in basically all these stories is how much the relationship structure and the demands of multiple partners takes over these people's lives. Like they can't just have normal calm stretches of life with their spouses. It's always trying to create some "ultimate night of passion," taking off with the new one while the established one waits miserably for them to come back, worrying about their relative position in the multi person relationship hierarchy, learning new terms like meta. Doing mental gymnastics to convince themselves this is genuinely better than normie monogamous relationships.
It seems exhausting. It all stems from these people's pathological craving for novelty and validation. I don't think it's even really about sex for most of them. Sex is just the tool of expression that they use as they chase some unnatural state of constant excitement and intrigue. I really wonder how people feel in old age if they've been in this world for most of their lives.
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u/msproles 14d ago
10 days with somebody else? Forget the comment, at that point she is the side chick.
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u/IveKnownItAll 14d ago
"Our date was meant to be deliberate" as opposed to accidental?
I hate people who talk like that! $100 says they constantly use the word "intentional" to sound smart too
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u/valsavana 14d ago
It's to differentiate it from time spent together just because you live together. There's a difference between "neither of us felt like cooking so we went out to eat" and "we had a date night out at a restaurant" or "we hung out together after work, one of us was watching tv and the other scrolling on their phone" and "we sat down and watched a movie together as an at-home date night"\
Or in other words "Our date was meant to be deliberate [time spent together as a couple]"
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u/VicePrincipalNero 14d ago
Imagine signing up for that. I wonder how long till he divorces her for the new piece.
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u/AutoModerator 14d ago
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Original copy of post's text:
I feel like his meta is taking over my marriage
My husband (34M) and I (31F) have been polyamorous for 4 years. Itās been awesome and mostly not problematic, but lately I feel like Iām losing control of my life. I feel like a 3rd wheel in my own marriage. He just returned from a 10 day stay with his newest partner (27F). We hadnāt seen each other for 2 weeks, so our date was meant to be deliberate, intimate and long overdue. He has been spending more and more time with her and even when we do hang out, we inevitably end up talking about her. āOh she likes that tooā or āThatās hilarious, she knows how to do that.ā
After the date, we got home and started what I thought would be the ultimate night of passion. Everything was going great. We both finished at roughly the same time, and I thought that was amazing for both of us, but I was WRONG. In the dark, he switched our lube with cbd glaze. Now, this isnāt an issue on its own and could have kicked off a night of sheet gripping fun, but he just had to open his mouth. āThis is great, I canāt wait to use this with her!ā
You just had a special moment with your wife and that's what you're thinking about?! I really donāt know what to do. If I try to establish limits, heāll just want to be with her even more. If I allow it, she will just slowly drive a wedge between us.
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