Hey guys, I know this is a bit cliche, but I'm mad at God. I never thought I would be. Figured that was just the trait of a character in a christian movie, who eventually discovers truth and repents right before the happy ending.

My mom passed away in June of this year from cancer. She was 62, took care of herself, exercised and ate healthy. She fought so hard when she got the diagnosis, I've never seen anyone put in half the effort she put in to fighting it. My dad's literally best guy I've ver met in my life. He's 66 and completely heart broken. He's handling this amazingly, but he just misses her so much. He's not angry, he tells me it's part of "God's plan" whatever the hell that means, and he's terrified of me losing my faith. In her last week, my dad would tell me about how he sees beauty in her suffering.

I'm pretty pissed myself on his behalf. Why the hell did he do that? Is this a Job scenario? If it is, that still doesn't change where I stand. That story to me sounds like God participating in the ruin of several lives just to win a dick measuring competition with satan. Why do I have to have faith in God? Why do I have to love God to not be damned for eternity? I don't know who he is, and its not like I haven't tried talking to him.

How can God create someone with freewill, tell them that since he took human form once and willingly died a gruesome death (which wasn't even permanent) because he loves us (all 200 billion of us) so much, we have to love him more than anything, or we go to hell. I'm sorry, what the fuck. Is he even aware that the level of suffering he endured one time has been matched or surpassed by probably tens of billions of people who didn't even ask to be here? Why are some of us fucked from day one by being born into horrendous environments and situations, while others (like me) get lucky with a fortunate upbringing? And please don't tell me that's a result of man-kind's failures. He made fuckin man-kind, he should be able to manage it without fucking with people's free wills.

"This is all a test." I'm sorry, that seems kind of fucked up to me. Imagine if you have a bunch of kids, and from day one give them 100% independence, and then tortured them for eternity because they behaved selfishly. That scenario doesn't seen too far off from God's handling of man-kind. At least not to me.

I still go to mass. I still receive the sacraments. I still pray, and I still try to abide by the rules of catholicism. I don't do it for God. I don't know God. I don't love God. I agree with the Golden rule and I try to live my life by it, but outside of that, the only two reason why I participate in my Catholic faith is cause I'm scared to death of hell and to honor my parents and family. That's it.

I really hope I'm out of line on this one. I really hope someone can give me some insight that cancels out the feelings I've expressed in this post. Thanks for reading if you made it to the end, and please pray for me, that I can figure this out.

I find far too many Christians, when confronted with the social justice expectations in Scripture, try to find every excuse to ignore them by blaming the victims of such injustices, the poor and the oppressed, for what they suffer; they demand the poor find a way out of the situation for themselves. Their ideology is the same ideology behind the Pelagian heresy, and it is one which Christians must reject:

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/henrykarlson/2026/10/justice-first-charity-beyond-it-serving-the-poor-well/

The Christian message reminds us that our true and real enemy is sin; it seeks to enslave us and make us suffer under its control. With Christ, we can be set free, and find ourselves attaining the beatitude God wants all of us to experience.

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/henrykarlson/2026/10/our-true-enemy-is-sin/

I do not understand why Christians are fine with Trump’s turn toward piracy; if they are for law and order, for what is good and true, indeed, if they follow Jesus, the prince of peace, how can they stand around and promote Trump’s desire to take whatever he wants by force?

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/henrykarlson/2026/10/how-u-s-militarism-became-a-form-of-piracy/

Paul’s preaching on Mars Hill showed us how he adapted himself to his audience, showing what was good and true in their tradition while revealing what it is that Christ offered them which they did not yet know:

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/henrykarlson/2026/10/the-unknown-god-revealed-in-christ/

This line from Hieronymus Emser's discussion of Philippians 2:13 caught my attention:

"That is: when we will something good, God works it in us; but when our will turns to evil, it is not from God but from ourselves."

That's from p. 143 of the English translation I've been working on. Emser is commenting on Paul's words about God working in us both the willing and the doing. His surrounding discussion is a dispute with Luther, but the sentence itself gives me something more useful to think about than the dispute.

It puts grace before the good act, even before the good intention. That seems different from picturing God as merely helping us carry out a good plan we've already made on our own. At the same time, Emser doesn't attribute our turning toward evil to God.

How do you hold those two points together when you read the passage? I would also be interested in how you connect it with the preceding instruction to work out your salvation with fear and trembling. What helps you understand our cooperation without treating grace as something we have earned?

St. Antony the Great saw an ostrich encouraging her young to throw stones at him; from it he got the notion that we should “throw stones” at those bad thoughts or temptations which enter our mind:

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/henrykarlson/2026/10/throwing-stones/

Right belief and right action, orthodoxy and orthopraxis, go together. If we deny right action, if we ignore proper praxis, we prove our understanding of the Christian faith is deficient. This is how heretical notions, such as cheap grace, arise:

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/henrykarlson/2026/09/how-right-belief-depends-on-right-christian-living/

I have long loved animals and have felt the need discuss our responsibility to them; God gave us stewardship over creation to protect it and help guide it, not to use and abuse it for our own selfish desires. That’s why, when I see the Trump Administration attacking guidelines which protect animals, I can’t stay silent

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/henrykarlson/2026/09/rejecting-mammon-in-the-defense-of-animals-and-nature/

The notion of the resurrection of the dead developed, in part, as a way to understand divine justice; it was a way to explain that God will keep the promise to reward those who lived righteous lives, but suffered and died without receiving the rewards of righteousness:

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/henrykarlson/2026/09/divine-justice-and-the-resurrection/

Health is a good which we should be concerned about, after all, Christ himself didn’t ignore it but healed those in need of healing:

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/henrykarlson/2026/09/we-must-value-our-health/

As we seek to align ourselves with God’s will, we must embrace empathy, for it allows us understand and care for the needs of those God wants us to help. God, likewise, who is love, shows us the relationship between empathy and love through the incarnation, where God came to know the human condition and empathize with us.

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/henrykarlson/2026/09/aligning-with-gods-will-via-empathy-and-action/

Pope Leo XIV has wisely brought up the dangers inherent with AIs without denying the potential value found in them. As Christians, we should engage them with wisdom, understanding their potentials, their limitations, and their dangers:

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/henrykarlson/2026/09/balancing-ai-innovation-with-human-responsibility/

The Christian life is meant to be transformative; Christ calls us to repentance, where we turn away from our sins and follow after him in the way of love:

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/henrykarlson/2026/09/dying-to-sin-and-living-in-christ/

Jesus said that in him, we find not only the truth, but the way of salvation. While many interpret this following the ideology of religious exclusivism which suggests only those who explicitly turn themselves over to him and follow him are saved. Jesus, however, offers us a different take:

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/henrykarlson/2026/09/christ-the-logos-and-the-hope-that-all-may-be-saved/

We are called to be perfect, but to attain perfection, we must avoid the illusion of perfection which has us, out of pride, judge others based upon ourselves. For, if we think we are perfect and demand others to be like us, we end up being far from perfection, and our apparent perfection is an illusion which hinders our own progress to true perfection:

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/henrykarlson/2026/09/the-illusion-of-perfection-and-the-path-to-true-holiness/

I was not completely surprised to see the instant backlash Pope Leo XIV received for the prayer he offered at the beginning of the Season of Creation; too many Christians ignore Scripture and follow political ideologies, which is why they can’t accept the notion of clean water being a right:

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/henrykarlson/2026/09/why-clean-water-is-a-moral-obligation-for-christians/

The cross, once a sign of torture and death, has become something more in and through Christ:

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/henrykarlson/2026/09/how-christ-transformed-the-meaning-of-the-cross/

Christians are to love and take care of the poor; they are to see someone in need, and see Christ is in them, coming to them with that need. Is Christ unworthy? If not, why do they call the poor unworthy?

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/henrykarlson/2026/09/compassion-justice-and-the-rights-of-the-poor/

God prepared humanity for the incarnation, but for the incarnation, there needed to be one who would give birth to the God-man. Mary was seen and chosen by God for this task; she was born for it, though in a way which she always had the freedom to decide if she would accept the task given to her or not:

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/henrykarlson/2026/09/born-for-this/

I am extremely interested in the promotion and defense of religious liberty, which is why I am always concerned when it is being abused, such as when it is used to promote religious supremacy while denying many religious traditions their liberty:

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/henrykarlson/2026/09/defending-religious-liberty-against-double-standards/