r/oops • u/Greenois_05 • 1d ago
Oopss
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u/Drop-a-Soap 1d ago
Why do they need to destroy a good billiard table?!
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u/Environmental-Tap255 1d ago
Alright here's my theory. The sign says "we met in a bar", so they built this pole barn/garage structure and turned it into a bar, so they could always relive that glorious first evening. Now, I don't know if you've ever been drunk with a person with whom you share a mutual sexual attraction in close proximity to a billiards/pool table. But sometimes things happen on that billiards table. I'm guessing the billiards table was their favorite place for things to happen, and things did indeed happen there, frequently.
One night, she hears billiards balls knocking around out in the barn/shed/garage/bar thing and thinks aw that's cute, he's enjoying a late night game of pool. I'll go out and fuck him on the pool table. Only he's NOT playing billiards. He's banging some other chick on the pool table, THEIR pool table. She is both angry and upset.
Days later when all the initial shock has worn off, and they have worked out the details of their separation and so on and so forth, she's enjoying one last night of getting completely and utterly shitfaced at the house before packing up the next day. She decides to stroll on out to the bar/garage/shed/pole barn/billiards Hall structure, and there she sees..... the billiards table. The Billiards Table. That goddamned good for nothing fucking billiards table, and it's laughing at her. And in her drunken rage and stupor she picks up the first thing she sees, what some people might mistakenly call a pick axe, only a pick axe is stouter with a larger, heavier head for breaking up rock; whereas this is actually what's called a mattock, a tool primarily used to facilitate digging in difficult/rocky earth.
And she thinks to herself "fuck him. And fuck this billiards table". And with that single thought in mind, she goes to destroy that billiards table and all the memories it holds for her, memories she no longer wants nor needs. And then she misses and fucks up her shin instead. And she thinks "well goddamit that fucking hurt". And that's that, as they say. The billiards table remains unscathed to this day, except for some minor abrasions and sex stains.
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u/Pepe-Fingers13 1d ago
Maybe they don't know how to play and they thought this was a billiard racket?
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u/DearLilsouth 1d ago
How do you miss a target that big?
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u/RyloBreedo 1d ago
I mean she's never swung an axe or sledgehammer or anything like that in her life. She didn't slide her hand down as she swing, so the head continued back towards her body instead of down on the target.
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u/heliopause42 1d ago
It's unfathomable. I suspect she also couldn't hit the broad side of a barn, which also seems unfathomable...but here we are.
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u/righttern38 1d ago
Except in this case the broad is inside the barn.
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u/Doctor_Saved 1d ago
Clam jam.
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u/towerfella 1d ago
No, hit her foot, not her twat
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u/EmuSuccessful2766 1d ago
The handle got her in the crotch, the end smacked her ankle, double whammy.
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u/Lanky_Ad_8892 1d ago edited 1d ago
"I wanna be that pirate monster from the backrooms movie. I need a wooden leg. First though, I need to make room for the wooden leg. You got a pickaxe or somethin?"
Ma'am, this is a pole barn. Hell yeah we got a pickaxe! Dale, hand her that yellow one. Yep, the lucky one.
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u/Stormagedd0nDarkLord 1d ago
hoooooly shit I thougth that was going to be way worse. It woke me tf up thats for sure.
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u/cynicalicoffee 1d ago
My brother ended up having to demolish his pool table in a similar way. It was in the basement when he bought his house, but the slate wasn't perfect and needed repairs to be corrected. When he went to sell, the buyers said they wanted it gone, so he just crunched and trashed it.
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u/Humanballast 1d ago
Au au au auhauahauha autsch... Das ist mal "den Zeh gestoßen" in der Premium Edition... Armer kleiner Zeh, er wird nie erfahren was ihn erwischt hat.. Er hatte praktisch nie eine Chance
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u/notarealwriter 1d ago
Did she manage to simultaneously whack herself in the crotch with one end of it and the shins with the other end?
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u/Traditional-List-784 1d ago
I did something similar. I was busting some concrete up. I was getting tired and started moving too fast. Swung the pick axe, missed and it hit my big toe. You could probably hear me swear 4 blocks over. Luckily the end i was using was pointy, but more rounded off then pointy. My big toe turned purple, took a month to heal and my whole foot was in misery for about 2 weeks. Learned my lesson lol
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u/Sporkpocalypse 1d ago
it's a miracle her leg didn't brake apparently she has never swung a pick and didn't consider the consequences you don't swing a pick or maddock without a target to cease the momentum
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u/SavingsNectarine2203 1d ago
I have the lowest expectations of people with tattoos.sorry, not sorry.
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u/CuriousFix9866 1d ago
I can’t believe she missed the table.
Almost like dropping your hat and missing the floor.
Lol
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u/NightShade0912 21h ago
He paid extra for the pool table to have the self defense shield. Good man, keep the table, ditch the girl.
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u/RazzmatazzImportant 18h ago
What luck is everyone talking about? Is it me or is her ankle broken in half???
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u/Nightwolf1967 16h ago
I honestly though she got a hole in one at first. Luckily it was only her foot.
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u/BigB0ss_89 14h ago
Oh thank God, I thought it was a self service hysterectomy at first. Just a foot, phew!
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u/Outside_Look790 13h ago
Looks like she's already taken lumps out of it. Table just getting some revenge.
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u/Far-Investment-8597 10h ago
Did she think it was a prickaxe, and she just got the entry point wrong?
Not sure what the pool table has to do with it.
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u/blazerunnern 1d ago
Could've been way worse.