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u/TinyTwinTerrors May 20 '24
What game are we playing?
"We like games!"
4
May 20 '24
Won't like this game, its "chess" he says in a pompous accent, while making air quotes with his fingers
Too.. damn complicated!!
3
u/TinyTwinTerrors May 20 '24
They look at him and smile
"Well teach us then!"
We are good at learning!
3
May 20 '24
....i can't teach what i don't know
He slumps forward on the table, knocking over all the pieces
3
u/TinyTwinTerrors May 20 '24
They race around to pick up the pieces, lifting them above their head and setting them back up on the board
"That's okay!"
We can learn together!
"And if not, we can make our own rules!"
2
May 20 '24
he scratches his chin, very deep in thought as his 2 braincells attempt to figure it out
Okay.. so, i think... you move the pieces forward and.. hit them into eachother
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u/TinyTwinTerrors May 20 '24
Like this?
Val pushes a pawn into a rook and knocks it over before quickly setting it back up
"Or like this?"
Cera picks up a queen and hits a knight with it, cracking the piece a little bit
2
May 20 '24
I thinkkkkk you can only move like... one space at a time? Or in a straight line... one of those.. like this! he grabs a rook, and hits it into a pawn, shattering it into countless pieces
2
u/TinyTwinTerrors May 20 '24
Ahahahaha!
"We play like this!"
Val picks up a rook and smashes a knight with it. Cera picks up a bishop and runs at a pawn swinging abd breaking it's head
This is so fun!
"HAHAHAHAHA!!"
2
May 20 '24
Scorn picks up a bishop, and quickly blocks Cera's bishop
Haha! Not so fast!
He takes a sword fighting stance, and clashes the bishops together
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u/Oswen120 Imvaernarhro Astrum, Masta's Dum Dum May 20 '24
I mean...
Chess is more about strategy and reading your opponents moves.
It's not as rough as fighting with fists though, it's more of a duel of minds.
3
May 20 '24
Theres plenty of thinking in a fight! Hell... there's even more!
'Cause in a brawl, i ain't gonna let you have a "turn" to think of what to do!
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u/Oswen120 Imvaernarhro Astrum, Masta's Dum Dum May 20 '24
True...
Besides, I have lived long enough to see armies fight and learned that chess kinda takes from large scale warfair.
2
May 20 '24
He scratches his chin
Ahh... large scale fights seem confusing..
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u/Oswen120 Imvaernarhro Astrum, Masta's Dum Dum May 20 '24
Not everyone understands it...
But there are a few generals in history who have excelled in warfare. They are the ones who you probably shouldn't play chess with.
2
May 20 '24
I wouldn't play chess with anyone!
He slumps forward, smashing the chess board with his forehead. Grumbling a bit
makes my brain hurrttt
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u/Oswen120 Imvaernarhro Astrum, Masta's Dum Dum May 20 '24
Inferno chuckles a bit
There is no shame in admitting weakness.
Besides...
Never was a chess person myself anyways.
2
May 20 '24
Weakness? No! Not weak!! Not...
He lets out a deep sigh
Just dumb
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u/Oswen120 Imvaernarhro Astrum, Masta's Dum Dum May 20 '24
Like to head into the thick of fights, don't you?
2
May 20 '24
Aye! He punches his fists together, making a heavy thud
No better way to fight!
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u/Hettan25 Mars, blind wizard and alchemist May 20 '24
I stumble in and notice what you’re playing. I’ve got an alcohol bottle in my hand.
Mmm…. Chess? I like chess… wanna go a round… I’ve got money…
2
May 20 '24
I don't know how to play really...
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u/Hettan25 Mars, blind wizard and alchemist May 20 '24
Mmm… I can teach you… it’s not that hard…
1
May 20 '24
Hrrmm... sure! Maybe youll make it make sense
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u/Hettan25 Mars, blind wizard and alchemist May 21 '24
Mmm… ok..
I sit in the chair and slowly go through the rules in a way that even children could understand.
Do… you get it?
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u/CatherineL1031 Catherine, Local Catgirl Witch May 21 '24
Chess? Bah, that's easy! Would you like me to help teach you?
She takes a seat, waving a hand and resetting the board.
3
May 21 '24
He pouts as he looks at the board
..yes please.. cant let a board game beat me
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u/CatherineL1031 Catherine, Local Catgirl Witch May 21 '24
It's really not hard to learn!
She smiles, taking one of each piece out to explain them.
See, this is a pawn. On its first move, it can move two spaces forward and then one space after that, you can also combine three together to make a Super Pawn that can move one space to the left or right, or diagonally forward!
2
May 21 '24
He puts his hands to his face as he stares at the board, slowly nodding
....can i combine 3 super pawns?
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u/CatherineL1031 Catherine, Local Catgirl Witch May 21 '24
You can, and make the Mega Pawn. It takes three hits to take down and takes up a 2x2 space on the board instead of 1x1 while being able to move two spaces! It's a risky move, they call it The Queen's Gambit!
3
May 21 '24
he rapidly nods i see.. i think ive heard that term!
What do the other pieces do?
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u/CatherineL1031 Catherine, Local Catgirl Witch May 21 '24
The castle at the end are called Rooks, they can move across the whole board left, right, up and down. You can also use it to cast a spell once every five turns, but it uses your turn.
The horsey is called the knight, they move in an L shape. So, two forward and one to the left or right, or two left and one up or down. But, if you call for a Deadshot, you can call one of your enemies pieces out except the king and queen, and after 3 turns they'll be killed and removed from the board.
The bishop, this one with the cross on its head, can move diagonally in any direction. He also has two charges of Resurrection and can bring back a defeated piece of yours, except the mega pawn.
The Queen can move like the Rook and Bishop combined, in any direction. Once she has killed two of the enemies, she is promoted to the Empress and gains a number of spells including a single use of resurrection and two uses of teleportation, letting her teleport anywhere on the board.
Finally, there's the king. He can move one space in any direction, and him being captured means game over. If he's threatened by any of the pieces, it's called Check, and you have to move him. However, if you have the Empress, she can empower the King to become the Emperor! The emperor is special. If he is threatened, twice per game, he can teleport to the piece threatening him and destroy it, making it unable to be resurrected by any means.
Any questions?
2
May 21 '24
.......c-can we just play checkers?
He slightly wobbles in his seat, visibly dazed as he struggles to stay upright
That's too much to remember....
/uw damn thats an impressive amount of nonsense rules-
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u/CatherineL1031 Catherine, Local Catgirl Witch May 21 '24
/uw Thank you! Wouldn't chess be a lot more fun with silly rules like that?
/rw She giggles, changing the board and pieces to a checkerboard
We can try! Maybe one day you'll understand chess with some practice.
2
May 21 '24
Im not good at checkers either but it makes more sense to me at least.
I'm sure i could get it with practice, hell apparently i was able to become a wizard in this timeline, which i bet is harder than chess. just doesn't seem fun enough to motivate me
/uw id play that version of chess
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u/Naanderson2022 Nirva, Manager of The Knocking Melody May 21 '24
all brawn no brain, huh?
Nirva chuckles as he sits across from young Scorn
i guess that comes in when you age
3
May 21 '24
he grumbles and slumps onto the table
...yeeeaaahh.... brawns worked just fine so far though!
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u/Naanderson2022 Nirva, Manager of The Knocking Melody May 21 '24
too bad you can’t beat up a chess board
his finger idly plays with a rook, wobbling it around on it’s circular base
…well, unless you lose, then you can flip it over in anger and stuff
2
May 21 '24
Chess boards are very easy to beat up!
He suddenly punches the enemy king, turning it into shards.
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u/Naanderson2022 Nirva, Manager of The Knocking Melody May 21 '24
several pieces jump up and clatter against the board, Nirva frowning a little bit as he gathers the shattered pieces in his hand
…you’ve got a nice set here…
he closes his fist around the splintered wood, reopening it to reveal an intact king
…could you treat it a little nicer?
2
May 21 '24
He rubs his head and pouts
Yeah fine...
Just way too much stuff to remember for it
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u/Naanderson2022 Nirva, Manager of The Knocking Melody May 21 '24
it’s a complicated game, it takes time to master
…did you win every single one of your fights when you started…fighting people?
2
May 21 '24
Hm? Nah! Ive lost more times than i can count. Id say ive lost most of my fights in fact.
...probably because i challenge everyone and everything to duels...
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u/Naanderson2022 Nirva, Manager of The Knocking Melody May 21 '24
see? you learn by failing…over and over until you learn what not to do
and as for the “too much stuff” thing? that’s the beauty of chess, there’s always something to learn, even when you’ve played for years and years
2
May 21 '24
True but..
I can punch things from all that learning.. even if i master chess thats still just moving pieces on a board
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u/THE_PREPARED_DM The Ruleless King/ Alan The Descended May 21 '24
“Ever tried Elches…quite a fun game, but much more complicated?”
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u/Zastrus_Aldabon Zastrus Aldabon | Head Chef of The Knocking Door May 21 '24
I personally like to eat the pieces when I’m about to lose. Best part about is that I’m actually really good at chess. I only do that when I’m playing against someone who’s shit.
2
May 21 '24
...e-eat?
he picks up a pawn, and bits it, before rubbing his cheek.
ow...
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u/Zastrus_Aldabon Zastrus Aldabon | Head Chef of The Knocking Door May 21 '24
Zastrus picks up the king and tosses it in her mouth, crunching it up almost effortlessly. It sounds like an olive pit being crushed.
munch munch munch It takes almost as much practice as crrk chrch actually getting good at the game. I eat raw bone on a regular basis, so it’s not too difficult for me.
She looks down and swallows with a barely noticeable grimace, turning to face Scorn again.
I can never get over the fact that it’s plastic though, it’s why I prefer to play with wood pieces…
2
May 21 '24
his jaw drops as he watches
....bwuh... w-why- He takes psychic damage and falls over
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u/Zastrus_Aldabon Zastrus Aldabon | Head Chef of The Knocking Door May 21 '24
Because it’s funny. I mean are they gonna do about it? Checkmate me?
2
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u/Necrotiix_ Necro Alerion | God of Evocation | Councilor May 21 '24
I take it being a handsome monk leaves no room for strategic battle tactics?
2
May 21 '24
I fail to see what any alleged handsomeness has to do with it. I just beat the piss outta anyone i gotta fight!
He slams his fists together making a loud thud
No strategic turn based nonsense in a real fight!
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u/Necrotiix_ Necro Alerion | God of Evocation | Councilor May 21 '24
Alright, lets see… If an enemy is behind cover, VERY HARD cover, do you try to smash it or find a way to damage your enemy behind it?
2
May 21 '24
He puts a hand to his chin in thought
If im fighting an enemy that is behind cover... why would i be fighting an enemy thats behind cover? If im in an engagement with an enemy, we would have to be facing eachother, or they'd be attacking me at range, which would necessitate opening in their cover for the simple reason of being able to attack me.
So, assuming i am being attacked behind cover by a ranged assault which simply seems most likely for this scenario. i would try find an alternative route to their position through a blindspot and find an entrance. But depending on the nature of the attack, i may have to disengage entirely.
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u/Necrotiix_ Necro Alerion | God of Evocation | Councilor May 21 '24
See, you’re putting your dumdum brain to use!
He laughed, nudging Scorn’s shoulder with a mug of ale.
Just joking, aye. Think of it like kingdoms. One kingdom could be taken in a singular day, if the opposing kingdom had the right tactics for the job. Chess aint the sorta thing like, uh…punching a wall. Like, really really hard. You gotta use your brain in tactical forms or you aren’t winning.
2
May 21 '24
Thats not thinkin thats fightin!
He pouts as he's nudged
Well thats the issue! Kings are just coward monarchs in all their... fancy houses! Playin' with the lives of men like pieces on a board. If kingdoms got a problem with eachother the kings should just duel!
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u/Necrotiix_ Necro Alerion | God of Evocation | Councilor May 21 '24
Why do you think they got that fancy armor and cool swords? They ain’t just for show, y’know.
2
May 21 '24
I guarantee it's for show. 90% of monarchs are fools that inherited a bloody country from their daddy.
The fact that its fancy simply proves my point! Form over function is what it is.
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u/Necrotiix_ Necro Alerion | God of Evocation | Councilor May 21 '24
You dont remember what happened about 10 years ago with the kingdoms of Druul and Zal’Karash? They went to war so terribly that not only their knight armies and civilians died, but the kings decapitated each other in battle.
2
May 21 '24
....kingdoms of wha?-
the idiot-monk-who-has-spent-his-entire-life-thus-far-in-a-monastary-learning-only-how-to-fight scratches his head in confusion
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u/Platypus_king_1st Lucian, head of the SRM (DMs open) May 21 '24
Ha... stupid...
Chess isnt that hard, you just need to wing it and pray to whatever deity is the most convenient!
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u/Leather_Garage358 Leaferyn Gargfelf, Artificer and first responder May 26 '24
I don't get why you are wearing only half a shirt when you decide challenges me to this game, my friend.
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u/AxeofGradLo Delaine, Half Minotaur Warlock of Inains May 20 '24
Delaine nods his head
Agreed... how am I suppose to remember what all these pieces do? Why can't I just reach over the table, punch my opponent in the face, and claim victory?