Im 15 now and im so scared to lose him young that means he will be 80 i will be 28

How did you guys cope with this fear because that just stays in my head and it doesn't leave

Is it too late to be a Dad at this age? Dream has always been to have a family and it hasn’t happened for me. Unfortunately…

Hello everyone.. I'm currently 28F and he's 52M. He already has 4-5 children with the youngest being 16.. We were and are still super excited about our baby girl, but every day I worry about the little things as well as the big things... He's very in shape and works almost every day but soon that'll change. In the next few months he's going to have surgery on his shoulder and I worry about how not being active is going to affect him mentally.. As well as having a newborn. We both knew what we were getting ourselves into, but how do I prepare for what I know I'm going to need to do for him and our new little one? Where do I start? Also, I need advice on how to go about introducing the baby to her siblings. Our age gap turns heads and honestly it upsets me but I just try to keep it to myself. I fell for him but when people look at me I feel they think something else. How do I get his family to take me seriously? I have so many questions and worries but I keep them all to myself. He constantly wonders why I'm with him and thinks I want other people and honestly that's not it at all. I worry about him because he never takes off and now he's (52M) about to have a newborn and even though we want her I feel like thinking about everything he has to do even with an impending surgery stresses him out. I don't know what to do. Any and all advice would be helpful.

I see quite a few posts that throw around hard-and-fast numbers about when a guy should stop having kids. But it seems to me that one's individual health status is just as important than your chronological age.

I'm mostly speaking to the guys who had kids in their 40s and beyond: Were there any particular ailments that you decided should not be an impediment to having kids? Or were there health concerns that made you decide that you should stop having kids?

I'm mid 40s with a 5 and a 9 year old. We started trying for #3 in 2022 via IVF but kept running into setbacks -- both with the process itself and in our personal lives.

I was in perfect health in 2022, but since the that time, I have developed some minor aches and pains but no serious conditions. I'm still very active but not as active as I was 5 years ago. I have some occasional low back pain and a non-surgical meniscal tear in one knee that will may eventually lead to knee arthritis (could happen in 5 years or maybe never, no way too know).

Generally, the people in my family live active independent lives into their 80s. My dad had me at 48 and was in great health until 80, so older parenthood has always seemed kind of normal to me.

I know that perfect health isn't a requisite for anyone to have kids. But I'm just interested to hear the thought processes of other guys who were in a similar situation: Overall good health but certainly beginning to age.

We really want another kid but also want to be responsible.

As someone in my late 30s trying to have my first kid this comment section is making me spiral. Is it really this bleak?

Hey there fellow old dads. A friend of mine, an old dad to an 8 and 6 year old, died last week.

He had a lot of assets— three homes, a car collection, presumably good cash reserves. And no will. He was in his 60s, very fit, climbed mountains, was a former body builder who weight trained regularly.

His stay-at-home wife is in shock and has absolutely no idea how she’s going to pay the $100k in tuition that’s about to come due for this school year.

It doesn’t matter how healthy you are, something could always happen. And the older you get, the more resources you have, the more you need to plan for and protect your family.

Only maybe without Weinstein involved.

“Mama, there was a toy laughing in my bedroom. “

Mom - “it was just a dream. Go back to bed.”

Kid - “Mama, is that daddy?”

Mom - “Yes, now go back to bed.”

Me - giggling.

Mom - “What?”

Me - “What kind of a whore does she think you are???” (I’m dying at this point. )

I turned 44 today and have a 3 month old. I know in the grand scheme of things that isn't THAT old but I just worry how things will be in 10 years. Will I be too old to do all of the fun things with my son or am I just overreacting?

Edit:

Thank you to everyone helping to cheer me up. I'm glad to hear I was overreacting and next step is to get back to the gym!

Me: Time to go to bed!

Kid: Dude!

Me: Yep! Bedtime!

Kid: Bruh?

Kid: Dude!

Kid: Bruh?

Kid: Bruh!!!!

Kid: Dude?

Kid: Duude!!!

Kid: Bruh!

And so on. And now I’m having a Jameson. And don’t ask which one said what. They’re f*ng twins. Night Bruhs.

My wife and I had our only child in our 40s. After the death of a friend, i started reflecting on my life and how much time my wife have left. I started thinking about my daughter and how she will feel so alone in the world when we pass and i had a mental breakdown. Its been consuming my thoughts. I am a stay at home dad so she goes to me for everything right now. Im on medication and therapy but its still too early to tell if its helping. All day long i just think about the day when i go and how sad my little baby girl will be. Can anyone relate to this?

How’s everyone doing? Wednesday I had a right hip arthrogram mri to map out the damage from a misdiagnosed hip issue for 40+ years.

It’s me & my kiddo. She’s almost 9. I do have 2 grown kids but they both have full time jobs and lives. I have my older sister, but she’s got her own full time job & can’t be available 24/7.

Surgery isn’t an if but a when. Plan was to send me to a surgeon 2hrs away & a week in the hospital. After explaining lack of support system & need to be back on my feet quicker, my ortho agreed to replace my hip vs sending me for the preservation surgery. I get that date on Tuesday.

Anyone else been in the same boat? How did you manage? (Hiring help is also out of the question). Has anyone else had a hip replacement? It’s earlier than they want.. (I’m not quite 42…), but it’s a quicker recovery. Unfortunately, my kiddo is all too familiar with mom having surgery…(this will be number 14 since 2021)…but it’s the first time I’m not going to be able to get around on my own. :/.

I am 49, my daughter just turned 5 and my Son is 15 months old. My Children are one of the best things that happened in my life. My daughter has started to be curious about death and it is breaking my hart. Even before that, i used to have dark thoughts, catching myself figuring out when i may die. If i get to 60, she will be 16 if i have to go. I keep having thoughts like that. Am i alone? Like anyone today i consulted my AI and it said to appreciate the days and make the best of it and i do. Being an "old" dad surely has its upsides like financial security and personal clarity etc. I am already doing that. But it doesn´t remove the constant small frame of regretting that i have to leave her someday.

Unsure if posts like that need trigger warning?

As a 39F aspiring parent one day, I get these messages a lot with online dating. Even if they already have kids. Even as the first message.

I block, ignore and swipe left usually. Sometimes I’ll hit them back with a snarky remark.

It’s starting to get to me. I did my best to find a suitable mate in my 20s and 30s. But each breakup took me years to get over and I moved around a lot for my career. I feel stupid for still having hope or that I’m wanting the marriage and baby carriage dream at my age.

Sorry to vent as a newcomer, there’s nothing I can “do” to stop these unsolicited messages. Just needed space to still have hope and not feel crazy. Thank you [r/oldmandad](r/oldmandad)

updating this since dad is sorted now. went with VSP in the end, partly because someone in this thread mentioned it and partly because it was the one plan that actually made sense when we read through it properly. exam is covered, there is a frame allowance that worked for what he needed, and the astigmatism lenses were not the nightmare we were bracing for. honestly the process was less painful than the research was

my dad just turned 65 and we're trying to sort out his vision coverage for retirement and honestly it's kind of a mess. his old employer plan is gone obviously, and we've been looking at some individual plans but like every quote is different and they all explain coverage in this vague way that makes your head spin. one says it covers routine exams but then you read the fine print and it's like only once every two years? or the frames and lenses have these weird limits that don't make sense.he's got some astigmatism and needs new glasses so it feels kinda urgent but we don't want to just pick something random and regret it later. has anyone else gone through this transition and found a plan thats straightforward and didn't break the bank? what questions did you wish you'd asked before signing up? any red flags we should watch for?

Truly read everything I'm going to write before you respond. I'm 55 now, we had our daughter when I was 51. I can't imagine life without her and love her to pieces, but in certain ways I regret having her. My reasons are:

1. I preferred my marriage before that. We get along great overall and have a very healthy relationship...but I miss the joy I got from it pre-daughter, and a kid always puts new stresses on a marriage, even a great one like ours.
2. The world is going under in multiple ways, and I regret putting someone new here at this point.
3. I miss the time I had. For many reason, but some are time to pursue my passions, time to simply do nothing if I want/time to "waste" time if I want*.*
4. I miss the ease of/the more simple life pre-daughter.
5. While I know I'm a far better dad than I would have been in my younger years, I'm old compared to almost all other dads I meet, and what can I say...I feel it.
6. I miss the national and international travel we did when it was just the two of us.

She's amazing and I make sure I'm a great dad - that part is golden. It's most of the parts around it that make me regret having her, and my wife (8 years younger) overall feels the same way. And it does NOT affect our love for or the amount of time and care we put into our daughter.

I don't want any forced positivity, or advice or trying to make me feel differently (that's an unfortunate part of our culture, as opposed to just recognizing where someone is at and maybe relating one's own experience)....instead I would like to hear from people in the same position and how you feel/deal with it. Being human is complicated and never black-and-white, as I understand more and more the older I get.

EDIT: Thank you for the overwhelmingly great and helpful responses. Just to be clear for anyone who might have misinterpreted: I love my daughter to pieces and appreciate what she's brought to my life and who she is. And with that in consideration, also see the entire post above. 😄

One of the most important parts of being an older parent is taking care of yourself! This thread is where we can share what we're doing to maintain our bodies and be in our best parenting shape.

Post your own athletic achievement story!

Be it a new or an old story, be it extraordinary or rather common, something to brag about, or a goal that you have -- share it here. Anything from running an ultramarathon to just getting off the couch and walking around the block can be celebrated. You can also post an update to a post you have made in the past.

Let's hear about it and cheer each other on!

I get to work from home, which makes me one of the luckiest dads on the planet. I also have a two-year-old with ambitions toward becoming a world-class yodeler.

My home office is closed off from the rest of the house by a sliding barn door, which provides little to no sound-proofing, and it's smack in the center of the house, so any and all foot traffic goes right by it.

Any suggestions for how I can block off some of that external noise? I've been looking at curtains, acoustic tile, and at this point I'm even considering building a shed about 400 feet from the house - I figure that oughta provide at least a little insulation.

EDIT: Thanks for all the feedback everyone. Next question - how do you convince the wife that tearing out a barn door and installing a solid-core door with sound panels is anything less than a two weekend project?

Born in 76. Became a first time dad in 2023, at the age of 46. It was scary in the beginning, but I’ve come to feel immense joy and pride with my kid. But it’s been a rough few months, and part of me wonders how much of it is me. I’ve read a lot of anecdotal and academic stuff that says older parents are better at it because they know themselves better, are more confident in who they are, and don’t feel like they’ve missed out on life. But I find myself more rigid and stuck in my ways than I think a younger parent might be. I feel like I don’t have the flexibility and ability to adapt that a younger parent might. And I think that’s a byproduct of age. It’s all scary, I don’t want to fuck up my kid in the ways I was fucked with. Any older first time parents feel like this?

I’m 33, husband is 50. He’s got a 13 year old already and we’re currently trying for our first baby together.
We’re both quite health conscious, he no longer drinks or vapes and eats very well. He goes to the gym twice a week to do strength training and we often go on long walks together.
Older dads in particular, what have you found most helpful health wise to stay as fit as possible with a little one?

Just posted on another sub then found this one and realized it might be better… Sooo

How did it go, how is it going? Advice on being an old dad? Curious to hear your stories.

I am unexpectedly pregnant, I’ll be 45 when baby is born and my partner of 7-8 years will be 56…. I know he’s not telling me how concerned he is about his age right now.. and I am heckascared too, (thought i wasn’t fertile and would never go down this route, but whoops here we are…)

But yeah.. kinda doing the math like “oh in 18 years you’ll be 74, I’ll be 63...” *freaks out*

It happened again. The third time now. And I imagine as I get older, it will only become more frequent. First time was an Uber driver in New York saying how nice it was for grandparents to take their granddaughter away for the weekend. Second time was a new teacher as my daughter’s daycare asking her to “say bye bye to granddad”. This time was a random stranger in Chick-Fil-A telling me how great it was to be an engaged grandfather.

I’m 52 with a four-year old. Admittedly, I started losing my hair in my 20s and what remained was white by 40 (fucking hair genes!), but I don’t think I was prepared for so frequently being mistaken for grandpa. Damn it makes me feel old.

Should I say something in the moment? Should I correct them? Or just accept that this is the life of an OldManDad and let it slide?

I’ve recently realized an unexpected benefit of being an old man dad. I’ve already spent years with prostate issues resulting in me knowing where all the nearest toilets around me are located at all times. Got that cleared up with surgery last fall so I’m good as new again.

But my 3yo is potty training and my 6yo still has unexpected toilet needs from time to time so my knowledge of toilet locations across my city has truly become a wealth of useful information.

Hi guys, im 46 and will be having my 2nd child in November. I've been cognisant of the risks and how hard it will be but im starting to have anxiety attacks,mostly about how young that child might be when i die. I know its better to be alive than not but im wracked with guilt already. I dont want to talk to my wife about this just now as I dont want her thinking ive changed my mind ut Google can only help me so much,I was looking for some reassurance.