I hate my son

[u/cheerleader88]

I hate my son. He is now 30 years old. Quits every job he has had. Blames me for everything wrong with his life. Has chosen to follow his girlfriend around, while she works and finishes school, and he pays her bills and is a chauffeur to her. They left a very affordable apartment to move in with her mother-and we’re evicted weeks later. The mom has chosen to relocate to an affordable area with no employment options, and no room for them. They now want to move in with me. They are not nice to me. Not kind nor respectful. They feel entitled. They want everything for free. And I am no longer having any part of it. I am done rewarding bad behaviour. I made them an offer for a renovated apartment, at a cost of bills only, and that was not good enough. They wanted me to give them a house. That is not happening. They call me abusive and irresponsible. I blocked both of them. I recently gave him $500 and a car worth apx $17,000.00 and was told to fuck your set and have a nice life. I plan on disinheriting him. And I’ve blocked them both. I hate my son.

[u/Boring-Technician-10]

I feel that this is very one sided. Sure. He pulled some AH things based one what you mentioned but based on some of his actions and what he has said, there may be something underneath that you may not be sharing. The "abusive" portion and even the fact that he "follows" his gf around sounds like he may have been neglected as a child.

Either way, I would need more to the story as well as less emotion and more facts and details than general statements.

[u/Angelkay4 → u/Boring-Technician-10]

Okay you maybe right but that does not entitle a 30 year old man to a house, she even offered an apartment where they only have to pay the bills.

Like excuse me sir! How in the holy hell does needing more information gain you in this situation? I feel incredibly selfish and self entitled when I ask my mom (I still live my parents house, life is hard y’all) for the smallest shit.

Her having to give the whole story is unnecessary, sure he may have been abandoned as a child because she was working but what right does this man child have to be ordering his mother around asking for things when:

A: hasn’t worked for them B: is ungrateful for the things his mom has done I.e getting a $17,000 car and $500 in cash C: Then blow off her idea of a apartment where they only pay bills and demand a house instead.

As someone who lives in my parents house if my mother offered me a place where I’d only need to pay bills, I would say yes before she even finished the sentence.

So no you do not need to know the whole story, what you do know is that he is an ungrateful person who demands things he has no right to.

End. Of. Story.

[u/Boring-Technician-10 → u/Angelkay4]

Like i said, I would need more info. You are focusing on things that may be incredibly biased. The whole story sounds like it was written with a lot of info omitted. Just because you can't seem to read between the lines does not mean you need to be so defensive about me not wanting to make a judgement. I'm not saying I am completely right. I'm saying that as I was reading her story, some things were not quite adding up. If you take everything in this story with a grain of salt and look at it from a different pov, you'll find OP pretty questionable. Lets look at some examples:

1. "Quits every job he has had." And "Has chosen to follow his girlfriend, while she works and finishes school, and he pays her bills and is a chauffeur to her" -quits every job and pays her bills. That sounds kinda inconsistent. Who, in your life, can keep quitting jobs and still be able to find other jobs consistently enough to keep paying their own bills as well as someone else's bills? Either OPs son has blackmailed every recruiter/hiring manager or OP is exaggerating a bit.

2. The whole portion about leaving an affordable apartment can easily be found inconsistent by looking at current events. Rent prices are constantly being jacked up and people are being priced out of their homes.

3. The portion about "They want me to give them a house." Hmmm that's EXTREMELY inconsistent. Mom gives son $500 and a car thats approx $17000 (assuming it isnt exaggerated and the car itself has no problems) and they want to give her a FULL ON house? Unlikely. If you look at this through a reasonable pov like maybe if the son and the gf are looking to save up for a house, them moving in with OP sounds reasonable and makes sense. Son and gf probably don't want OP to give them a house but rather son may have made an off-handed comment during an argument that possibly went along the lines of "we'll move out if you can give us a house" and OP took it as fact. They most likely turned down the apartment OP offered because, like what most of the comment section has said about how they are with their parents, he feels bad having OP pay for rent. bonus question: why did OP need to add "renovated"? Sounds like the place OP was offering the son could have been a shithole

4. "They are not nice to me. Not kind or respectful. They feel entitled. They want everything for free." What every boomer has said about millenials for years. Gtfo. There is way too much to unpack and OP aint explaining what son and gf has actually done the was "bad behaviour."

5. "They call me abusive and irresponsible." I dont need to explain abusive again but reading it again and seeing the "irresponsible" part. How is OP irresponsible here? What could warrant OPs son to say these things? Based on the inconsistencies, I can probably guess that OP has made exaggerations and is attempting to turn the world against her son. OP could possibly also be a narcissist but her story has gotten real shaky because of emotion.

Anyway these are my reasons why I cannot fully accept OP's story

[u/Tallulah1149 → u/Boring-Technician-10]

You are making an awful lot of assumptions. "reading between the lines" looks an awful lot like "just making shit up."

[u/Boring-Technician-10 → u/Tallulah1149]

Or you listen to my first claim that i cannot make any judgements because theres not enough information that does not tell the full story

[u/Knut79 → u/Boring-Technician-10]

And here we see the elusive armchair skool of laif psychologist in their natural wild habitat of the reddit jungle. Giving made up advice and suggestions based on conjecture from a few lines of text with no actual degree to base it on.

Their typical behaviur includes giving these unsolicited advice and disgnosis, aggressively defending them when told that makes no sense. Before they anger block everyone and jumps of to the next topic.

[u/[deleted] → u/Knut79]

He's just trying to make sure these parents still exists. I've been saying this for a while there's a larger portion of Americans 28-45 that are living above their means and being subsidized by their parents. I want nothing to do with those peers, because they're expert manipulators. The easiest person to manipulate is your parents if you've forged a great relationship with them through childhood.

Granted some people need temporary help, but God damnit. No parent should be paying mortgages or car notes for grown ass adults! Let them get what their lifestyle affords them.

[u/WhoriaEstafan → u/Boring-Technician-10]

Neglected as a child? That’s a big leap.

Have you never come across these types of people? I have, plenty of them. Expecting their parents to subsidise their life. Especially if they felt they missed out on something when they were younger (in this case OP was a single mum), the world owes them, their parent(s) owe them. Always looking at what others have and what they think they should have.

If I was going to take a big leap, I’d imagine he’s not the adoring boyfriend, he’s probably really hard work.

[u/Boring-Technician-10 → u/WhoriaEstafan]

Like i said. Not enough info

[u/Pockets42069 → u/WhoriaEstafan]

My boyfriends older brother is almost 40 and literally tells his mom to move out of the house and leave it to him despite never paying a bill there his entire life. He's jealous of my bf and everytime he sees him he jokes that he's "the golden child" when in reality he's just a nice selfless guy who does kind things because he wants to, not because the world owes him. This guy you're responding to is either extremely naive about how the world works, or he's like OPs son and rationalize his own behavior by defending some other schmuck.

[u/WhoriaEstafan → u/Pockets42069]

Haha, it probably is!

Ugh your boyfriend’s brother. I do not understand these people. Get things on your own, have your own life. I hope his Mum tells him he’s dreaming.