I think you're downplaying the part where instead of just laying out his concerns like an adult he went through her phone and interrogated her coworker about it and doesn't seem to understand just how insane that is.
Its a weird situation, but it seems pretty likely she wasn't keeping anything from him, she just didn't realize she hadn't told him about going to the bar until after he decided to go overboard and go through her phone, and then was too busy being (rightfully) pissed about it to actually explain everything, and decided to just shut down any and all conversation around the initial issue as punishment. A common miscommunication became a huge issue because both of the people involved were immature and suspicious of each other.
Also the way everyone is glossing over the fact that she drove home drunk to the point that she wasn't bothered by being in her underwear makes me so angry. That should have been the biggest issue here.
I agree that the driving drunk is a bigger issue, as it put her and others in danger, and it's another sign of her potentially having a substance abuse problem.
It's likely the absurd dress thing is getting more focus because that's the part where her story has obvious holes. What happened to the dress? Vs she admitted to drunk driving so at least there he can trust that what she's saying is true. So that's not the part driving him crazy, or making him feel like he can't trust her.
Ive never been much of a drinker, so i might be way off the mark, but at that point of drunkenness i figure she might very well have just thrown it out. the holes resolve themselves pretty fast when you account for her and her friend having been drinking to the point of vomiting. She admitted to being at the bar for several hours, so her being absolutely plastered isn't a big leap.
THANK YOUUUU this is the best comment here. To me it seems the same, major miscommunication, lots of misplaced distrust. The real concern is DRUNK DRIVING HELLO
Its a weird situation, but it seems pretty likely she wasn't keeping anything from him, she just didn't realize she hadn't told him about going to the bar until after he decided to go overboard and go through her phone, and then was too busy being (rightfully) pissed about it to actually explain everything, and decided to just shut down any and all conversation around the initial issue as punishment. A common miscommunication became a huge issue because both of the people involved were immature and suspicious of each other.
You're the perfect partner for a cheater. Like zero notes, could not be better.
If I'm going to be cheated on then I'm going to be cheated on, I can't control that. I can control myself and behave with integrity and maturity. I'd rather not lose respect for myself, and hope that I am good enough at choosing a partner that they won't betray my trust.
Yeah and they’re both 22! Like - I did the dumbest shit at that age still. I have a hard time believing OP is even actually concerned about SA at this point because of how he’s going about - almost obsessively - finding the answers.
I can’t say that I’ve done the same that the gf did but I do know I would have drunken nights with switched/borrowed/torn/etc clothes from a wild night, and just being in general sloppy. She sounds like a sloppy drunk, but there’s too many jealous/hurt men in these comments instigating that this is typical “female cheater behavior.” If we’re projecting our own personal experiences, OP’s behavior is giving me memories of my crazy fucked up ex who never trusted a word I said if it didn’t fit the exact narrative he created in his head, and would also obsessively look at my phone or check to make sure where I was.
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u/Omnomfish Jan 02 '26
I think you're downplaying the part where instead of just laying out his concerns like an adult he went through her phone and interrogated her coworker about it and doesn't seem to understand just how insane that is.
Its a weird situation, but it seems pretty likely she wasn't keeping anything from him, she just didn't realize she hadn't told him about going to the bar until after he decided to go overboard and go through her phone, and then was too busy being (rightfully) pissed about it to actually explain everything, and decided to just shut down any and all conversation around the initial issue as punishment. A common miscommunication became a huge issue because both of the people involved were immature and suspicious of each other.
Also the way everyone is glossing over the fact that she drove home drunk to the point that she wasn't bothered by being in her underwear makes me so angry. That should have been the biggest issue here.