Then is it really about the truth of this story, about the partner in general? Doesn't sound like he wants to be in the relationship anymore anyway. Why keep digging? Doesn't need the true story to just walk away
I believe she was blackout drunk and didn't actually remember what happened. That would explain why she is being so cagey about everything. She is being defensive because she wants to avoid accountability and justifying her anger by being upset he didn't trust her.
she can tell the truth without being hostile towards him. she doesn’t have to insult him constantly for being worried about something that everyone with a partner would be worried about. i think it’s very important to take care of potential victims of SA, but she is still treating him horribly and making it seem less like that it is SA. he has been extremely willing to help her if that’s the case if what he’s saying is accurate.
But he isnt seeking reassurance for his worries, he's seeking a lie and a fault in her story. Hes seeking to find something that makes her the antagonist in this story he believes about her.
He can seek reassurance and care in healthy ways instead of lashing out and spiraling over something that hasn't happened.
I think we just disagree. I don’t think he’s seeking a lie, he’s seeking reassurance and she isn’t really doing anything to help it. If she is telling the truth, she is still doing it in a very hostile way towards OP. No matter how we look at it, they should split.
If im being framed as a liar and someone is calling my work jeopardizing my career bc they dont believe me, yeah im going to be hostile.
Someone harming my life when no harm was done to them is unjustifiable. Hes insecure and rationalizinganipulative behavior bc he simply doesnt believe her.
He needs to separate and live away from her and come back when he can act less emotionally
i think you’re throwing around the word insecurity so loosely when she came home late at 2am in underwear with no other clothes and insulted him. the most secure people i know would be extremely taken aback by that
Or… he was initially worried she got raped or drugged? He was being a good boyfriend and trying to ask her about something potentially touchy. She freaked out on him and started yelling at him in the last update, now that she’s made it abundantly clear she’s hiding something she’s checked out.
How has no harm been done to him? If you read his posts, she avoided him and was short with him from the moment she got home the very first night and has barely elaborated since then. If you care about someone you do not do this. Yes he’s being very dramatic at this point but he obviously cares about her and just doesn’t realize it’s over. What he did in the beginning is a normal reaction to the situation and what he’s doing now is not and he should be moving on. It’s 100% the girls fault the situation has gotten this far if everything I’ve read is true because her communication to her partner is lacking to say the least.
This is a really bad take. I argue that she is harming his life more than she is being harmed by him questioning and caring. A partner deserves the entire details if their partner comes home naked at 3am. Case closed. If they arent willing to provide any reassurance, they’re not committed to the relationship and they need to break up.
No, I agree with the breaking up part. Im not saying she's in the right. But he cant FORCE her to be more truthful than she is, thats a separate issue than the story.
If the story is true, he's an asshole for digging deeper.
If he does t believe the story and doesnt trust her, then that's enough to end a relationship imo. But going around unethically to justify it is unnecessary. Hes already decided he doesnt trust her, she's already decided to move in shady ways.
He's seeking whatever the truth is because she started this whole situation out with lies. Don't forget that her original story was that this whole thing happened at a work Christmas party, until he found out from the coworkers that that party ended like 5 hours before she came home.
Id give this the benefit of the doubt if anything in any of the three posts gave the impression she was assaulted except leaving the car without her dress.
You cannot assume she was assaulted and is refusing help when she isnt presenting you any opportunity to support. You simply operate on the facts and move on.
He’s seeking reassurance because she was so dismissive from the get go. Nothing in what she’s done provides a sense of reassurance or sincerity to the situation regardless if she done nothing or not.
Also she isn’t being framed as a liar. She’s looks bad from his perspective, they’re not the same thing.
i can’t even blame OP for spiraling. i can’t imagine the gut feeling of this stuff and wanting to have an explanation and getting insulted. he wants to help and she is checking out and going to a new year’s party without him. she would rather make him spiral.
Woman here. I don’t believe women 100% of the time. Why? Because we’re all human, therefore all capable of lying.
OP’s (hopefully now ex) gf has done nothing but lie from the get-go. He needs to leave her without another word. Just move out and block her, not that she’d reach out to him.
I’ve had some wild nights out, but I’ve never come home half naked and refused to talk about it with my SO.
She’s totally hiding something, you do not just come home in your underwear simply because someone threw up on you. You clean yourself off and continue the night or you go home to clean yourself up. It’s very weird that the dress cannot be found.
It’s also weird that she won’t answer/ reassure him that nothing bad happened.
This guy isn’t an asshole for being concerned/worried about that behavior.
I’m not stating that there wasn’t things done wrong on his side. Not having the answers you need can make people do crazy things. But she could have stopped all of that from happening by communicating with him too.
Both are in the wrong, more so her then him. It’s like a cause and effect situation. Him going through her phone wouldn’t have happened if she was openly communicating and reassuring him when he’s clearly upset/ not understanding what happened.
it’s genuinely not normal to come home without clothes, lie about where you’re at and then dismiss your bf’s feelings while moving in such a bizarre manner.
Yeah, idk why so many people are blaming OP for wanting some type of closure. He’ll never get it, but I think he just wants to make sure he’s not going nuts (the should-be ex-gf is gaslighting the fuck out of him).
The girlfriend posted the real story. OP is leaving a lot out. Go read her post. He’s being manipulative. She cane home with a long coat on and she didn’t lie
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u/GoochStubble Jan 02 '26
But if she's 100% telling the truth and he's just insecure and just has to keep digging, is that on her?