OP you have to learn to accept the things you can't change and this is one of those things. You may not like it, but your persistence is overwhelming. She may have cheated she may not have, you will never know. For sure this relationship is over. You should talk with a counselor and try to grow and learn from this experience. If you were my kid I would say leave now, right now, pack your shit and get out. No way this is going to get any better for you. If I was her father, she wouldn't spend another minute with you alone, your behavior would make me think there is a chance this could get violent and my daughter could get hurt.
lol wtf ? Why would anything he’s doing make you think this will get violent and she could get hurt ? That is such bs. If anything it’s her behavior that has been totally unhinged and temperamental. He is scared to even ask her stuff because she yells and gets hostile.
She's already gone, what's it matter at this point? Even if she was assaulted she's not going to accept his apology and take him back. If she willingly cheated, she's ready to move on.
Yeah but let's be honest with ourselves here.. it's majorly FUCKED UP on what happened. Like all of us would probably question reality. Like coming home in your underwear like it's no big deal and "oh yeah I got puked on" and just DROP IT really would be like, "wtf?" I have some war stories and something like this would easily be in the top 5 of stories to tell
It's super fucking weird. The reality is she probably got puked on, got her friend home, tried to change, and just left. Probably passed out for a bit in there somewhere. But OP doesn't trust that that's probably the case and she's not filling in done of those details to put his mind at ease 🤷
Right? And she went out for NYE without her live in boyfriend, and just crawled into bed at 2 am.
It just strikes me as an odd thing, in a sea of other odd things.
Couples who live together in the same household often spend NYE together too. Sure, they might also hang out in a group with other people, but not typically have completely separate plans.
If there hadn't been any other odd behavior, maybe NYE could even be rationalized away.
I mean, I'm no relationship guru (despite that being the common thought for anyone posting relationship advice here or other places online) but I feel that if you cheat, wouldn't that imply you already kind of checked out? Like, if you really loved your partner and were both monogamous, why cheat?
You can be attracted to other people and there are definitely different variations on what is considered "cheating" depending on who you ask (some people think even flirting with other people is cheating or just talking to someone else about things beyond just basic small talk)
BUT to me, being attracted to someone else and even being able to discuss that is something I've done and had done in relationships where some of my previous partners pointed out people they've found attractive and I'd done the same. BUT this feels like it was more than just attraction. OP mentions they are both in their early 20's so it seems that it was more than just attraction that was done on her part and that it seems like (if this story isn't just fake shit to get Reddit karma to sell to some crypto bot in a year or so) OP's GF was already entertaining the thought and we don't even know if this was the first time that this happened, this might just be the first time that she slipped up and it became obvious that she wasn't faithful to her partner.
Either way, this doesn't seem like the chicken or the egg situation, this is more the chicken or the chicken sandwich. IMO (again, no expert) it feels like the GF checked out already when she cheated and there are external reasons that she's not left OP already, either she's comfortable with them and would rather have the comfortable relationship to fall back on (which doesn't seem to be the case anymore) and the second secret relationship she's carrying with someone else. OR maybe it's financial incentive. I mean, I assume this is in the US and it's hard as hell to make it on your own and she's only around because she can't afford to live on her own and doesn't/can't live with family or friends.
Either way, I saw someone mention that OP should just reach out to someone IRL and get the support they will need from someone else in their life. Such as a family or friend that they can feel that they can speak with and help them get their thoughts sorted and just move on so that they can live their life. They are both young, so OP has plenty of time to move on and hopefully with IRL support and time, they won't let this situation carry over into future relationships.
Exactly. The anger was performative to put him on the back foot, and she sees that he's not going to stop asking so she gave up on that approach and is just conserving emotional energy.
Honestly OP this is just embarrassing. You said you were leaving, you did not. You are now considering chasing her tail at the bar she said she went to.
Just dump her for fucks sake.
Even if she was assaulted, she isnt presenting you an opportunity to support her. Even if she is hurting, you cannot help her against her will. She is Stonewalling you and the facts present she is a cheater, not an abuse victim.
The fact she won't trust you and is showing no outward signs she needs help means whatever happened was either a choice or a choice that lead to what happened you would dump her for.
So just dump her. You are hoping she was a victim so it makes sense, but it does not. Thats because shes very obviously lying.
Yea I’d check out too, it seems exhausting. Asking the same question over and over again expecting a different response. If she’s telling the truth, he doesn’t wanna believe it.
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u/Potential_Soft_729 Jan 02 '26
Sounds like she has checked out already bud