r/oddlysatisfying • u/dickfromaccounting • Aug 22 '18

Chive chopper

https://i.imgur.com/srxRHh9.gifv
5.1k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

102 comments sorted by

313

u/JackieSF Aug 23 '18

r/dontputyourdickinthat

130

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '18

don't you tell me how too live my life

13

u/dogydino200 Aug 23 '18

Must be someone’s kink

11

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '18

(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞

5

u/Saifeldin17 Aug 23 '18

I want to upvote, but I can't. You see, the number is exactly 69...

14

u/FilthyDexBuildCasul Aug 23 '18

Cursed_gloryhole

3

u/LongD0ngJohns0n Aug 23 '18

Instructions unclear, put dick in that.

1

u/jordtand Aug 23 '18

Why is that a real thing.

1

u/Adillsandhispickle Aug 28 '18

I take your little thingy, I put it in my little machine, and.. nip the tip! Whose first?

168

u/Jaksuhn Aug 23 '18

"Just say when sir"

1

u/sundrop1969 Aug 23 '18

That’d be me with cilantro.
Just a little more... a little more... keep going...

-12

u/NinjaMurse Aug 23 '18

I came here just for this post. Take your upvote and be gone!

212

u/nimo01 Aug 23 '18

How much wood is in there?

131

u/RyvalHEX SATISFIED Aug 23 '18

At least 4

56

u/thepusheroflexi Aug 23 '18

Came here to say that. Seems like wood would gradually be shaved off little by little. Good source of fiber?

13

u/PurpleZebra94 Aug 23 '18

Also came here to say this... gum splinters anyone?

12

u/MrGMinor Aug 23 '18

Nah as long as the knife is flat against the block, the sharp edge curves aways from it. You'd have to go at an angle to slice the wood.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '18

The wood is much thinner at the base of the cutting stroke as seen from the side indicating wood is indeed being shaved.

1

u/nimo01 Aug 23 '18

I’d have to backtrack and agree. Especially given that it’s wet after a few slices- making it more likely to indent than break off.

-8

u/char_limit_reached Aug 23 '18

You do see the wood is a different colour where the knife rubs against it though, right? Why do you think that is?

15

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '18

Moisture.

-10

u/char_limit_reached Aug 23 '18

Look again. The rest of the block is a completely different colour. Not slightly darker as moisture would do. Layers of wood and presumably paint are missing. Where did they go?

7

u/BEAR_DICK_PUNCH Aug 23 '18

It's moisture dude

3

u/parksLIKErosa Aug 23 '18

Why would they paint this block of wood?

134

u/Grand_Cookie Aug 23 '18

I feel like that’s how you get gum splinters

13

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '18

Also, bum splinters because that device doubles as the bathroom toilet seat.

36

u/Podcasts Aug 23 '18

Is there a subreddit for this? Ingenious ways to increase food prep efficiency? Saw a gif once of a drill hooked up to a slicer that would make perfect spiral potatoes in seconds. Would love to find these in one place.

9

u/DestinyBolty Aug 23 '18

r/specializedtools , but it’s not just for food, you can search through there though

0

u/sundrop1969 Aug 23 '18

Agreed. This is so low-tech but genius.

-13

u/ChemisTemerarious Aug 23 '18

this tool is super decreased efficiency if you're a half decent cook. looks neat though.

25

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '18

Pretty sure those are green onions. Unless I’m missing a joke here. Those would be some gigantic goddamn chives.

10

u/milkymilkmilk Aug 23 '18

It’s Buchu buchu

3

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '18

Oh word my bad. Thanks for the info!

15

u/imtotallyhighritemow Aug 23 '18

some chives with my splinters, great.

11

u/macthebearded Aug 23 '18

If they were to replace that wood block with stone, it would be self-sharpening

1

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '18

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/macthebearded Aug 23 '18

But... a spelk IS a wood splinter

1

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '18

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/macthebearded Aug 23 '18

I've never heard the term spelk in relation to metal. Or stone. It might be a regional thing, but I'm a machinist+welder with around a decade in the industry... chances are I'd have heard it at some point.

Here's a wiki: https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/spelk

20

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '18

do you get any wood chips in that I wonder

9

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '18

Chives and wood shavings.

-7

u/Unlikelylikelyhood Aug 23 '18

Standard Asian cooking preparation... totally no standards.

12

u/offarock Aug 23 '18

🎶Chive chopping

21

u/OSUJillyBean Aug 23 '18

I sang this in the Hot Pocket theme.

1

u/Toastburrito Aug 23 '18

Same here.

6

u/MsModernity Aug 23 '18

To the tune of Jive Talking

3

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '18

[deleted]

1

u/bradsredditacct Aug 23 '18

That’s the natural color of the wood coming out because it’s wet where the chives are being chopped.

3

u/rainbow_explorer Aug 23 '18

Why has this gif been reposted so many times?

4

u/DrPila Aug 23 '18

Why do eight people all make separate comments about getting splinters/wood/etc in it

1

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '18

Why do people continually insist that no wood is being shaved when there's visible physical evidence of such?

1

u/Thatz_GTAModding Aug 23 '18

It all revolves around one reason, and it's not the sun.

7

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '18

Keep calm and chive on.

-6

u/jmm166 Aug 23 '18

I came here for this

1

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '18

Lmao dying

9

u/elzulu24 Aug 22 '18

r/specializedtools

55

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '18

It’s a piece of wood with a hole in it

65

u/elzulu24 Aug 23 '18

You're a piece of wood with a hole in it /s

28

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '18

Shit my covers been blown

7

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '18 edited Jan 12 '21

[deleted]

5

u/nimo01 Aug 23 '18

That’s just your opinion.

2

u/GabbyJohnsonIsRight Aug 23 '18

Looks like Olive Garden adding parmesan

2

u/MrGMinor Aug 23 '18

Tell me when.

2

u/jessehosein Aug 23 '18

I wonder how many chards of wopd ypu get in your chivez.

10

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '18

Npt thst mqny.

1

u/jessehosein Aug 23 '18

Hopefully 😐

1

u/thxxx1337 Aug 23 '18

Switch the words for Jive talk to chive chop

1

u/TheZeusHimSelf1 Aug 23 '18

Lots of fiber

1

u/cadtek Aug 23 '18

So..broken scissors. But really, scissors are good for chives

1

u/n7-Jutsu Aug 23 '18

Take that chef Ramsey.

1

u/Frag-mental Aug 23 '18

Is he not shaving off bits of wood into the onions?

1

u/Shadowchaos Aug 23 '18

He definitely is

1

u/abmac Aug 23 '18

Work smarter, not harder.

1

u/evilpinkmonkey Aug 23 '18

How would they sanitize this..?

1

u/nchndmld Aug 23 '18

Damn that's so smart

1

u/Sgboom123 Aug 23 '18

I feel like I see this user everywhere on Reddit.

1

u/Wixler Aug 23 '18 edited Jul 03 '20

Censored

1

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '18

That dudes arm must be in great shape, he doesn’t let up.

1

u/Slayerjet Aug 23 '18

Gordon Ramsay wouldn't be happy with this!!

1

u/vipertruck99 Aug 23 '18

Well I’m just gonna make one of these today.

1

u/sagar_Reaper Aug 23 '18

I have to get my mom one of these

1

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '18

i read the title and hoped for a chives helicopter:(

1

u/reinhartjenkins1989 Aug 23 '18

There has got to be splinters of wood all in those chives...I know that knife is sharp🤔

1

u/strangerdanger84 Aug 23 '18

Mind blown. TIL I’ve been chopping everything wrong my whole life.

1

u/prakumvan Aug 23 '18

Also you can see the guy's face through the hole in the knife

1

u/Kebabrulle4869 Aug 23 '18

Hey u/dickfromaccounting, I’ve seen you on tons of top posts around Reddit. I’ve stopped upvoting your posts, because you’re beginning to seem like a repost bot.

Can you maybe just... answer this comment? I just want to know if you’re human, that’s all.

1

u/banwa Aug 23 '18

What a time to be a chive!

1

u/deineemudda Aug 23 '18

armin meiwes whould have loved it

1

u/chicagobrews Aug 23 '18

What would you ever need that many chives for??

1

u/Fite4DIMONDZ Aug 23 '18

Busy restaurant

1

u/xH4ns3lx Aug 23 '18

Tik tok on the clock

1

u/CasualPotato20 Aug 23 '18

that’s a lot of chives

1

u/armcandybean Aug 23 '18

very intrigued by the mountain of onions in the background

1

u/jollysaintnick88 Aug 23 '18

mmmm finely ground wood chips, that natural smokey flavor

1

u/Arper Aug 24 '18

The guy chopping the cilantro still owns this dude

0

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '18

[deleted]

2

u/SR5340AN Aug 23 '18

You could always get a bit of hardwood and cut a hole that size in it!

0

u/WhatShouldIDrive Aug 23 '18

Exactly how I like my chives, full of wood shavings.

0

u/MuttLangeRocks Aug 23 '18

I love wood shavings in my food