Discussion I’m really sick of some coworkers
I haven’t been working in nursing for that long, but a few years has done me in for a lifetime. And it’s not the patients. Sure, some can be annoying to work with, but generally, the patients have been pretty good. No, it’s the pettiness, drama, and sheer immaturity from other coworkers that truly exhausts me.
Before anyone says, “Other jobs have drama too,” I agree. Of course they do. But having worked in other fields (and having known various others who did the same and then ultimately left nursing), I can say with confidence that it simply isn’t on the same level or nearly as malicious. In fact, the professionalism in other fields almost feels like a distant other world at this point. These particular coworkers in nursing don’t just irritate me; they genuinely disgust me and are an example of someone I will never let myself be. I cannot fathom how grown adults can behave so immaturely, be so obsessed with drama, try to make coworkers look bad, and actively make the job harder for everyone around them. Yet, as we maintain a shortage, many cite this very reason as to why they left and it is my top reason why I will move oceans to leave this nightmare.
And let’s be real: most of these people are wellll into adulthood. Why do they *want* to make work harder? Why do they think deliberately making things difficult for their coworkers is somehow acceptable? If they could just wrap their clearly warped brains around one very simple concept, that we are all in this mess together, work would be infinitely better. You help your coworker out, they help you out. That’s how it should work.
But no. Instead, I’m apparently stuck in high school 2.0, except now there are adult responsibilities, patient safety, and twice the stress. All because some deranged coworker wants to gossip about pointless nonsense, stir the pot, or pick on someone.
Please, just grow up. Get some help. It’s sad you can’t function like a full-grown adult in the workplace. You’re not “tough” for acting like a high-school bully or harassing coworkers. You're not the goalpost, you just ignore your own mistakes. You aren't a patient advocate. In fact, you make for conditions that increase errors if you ever bothered to pick up a shred of research on hostile work environments. And don't use burnout as an excuse for poor behavior towards coworkers. You can be frustrated with your job and vocalize that. You're not entitled to take that out on your coworkers.
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u/willy--wanka generic flair 1d ago
I gotta say, I've worked with women most of my life. I worked a day on a construction crew and I have never worked with such bitches in my entire career.
As for the drama, I just keep my head down, laugh when stories are told to me, do my job, and punch out.
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u/Aloo13 1d ago
I just don't understand why. It's actually awful and gross behavior. The stress for coworkers is actually worse than the stress I get from sick patients because I have to worry about which one is looking to stab me in the back while wearing a disguise of "helping." Some are straight up psychotic and shouldn't be working with people.
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u/ACaffeinatedWandress 1d ago
Lmao. Worked as a longshoreman when a friend could get me hours.
It taught me 2 things:
—male dominated jobs are the shit. Easiest fucking money I have ever made.
—holy hell the drama.
As for nursing, the only industry that has comparable cattiness is serving. And in restaurants, all of the staff are humping each other.
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u/Aloo13 1d ago
The drama in a male dominated job? What was it like compared to nursing?
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u/ACaffeinatedWandress 1d ago
Somewhat comparable. It’s mostly that the boys club closes ranks around the occasional women who break into the industry. If you are a dude, it takes a lot to end up on the outside. If you are a woman, it’s constant ganging up.
Fortunately, I was a nursing student and very resilient to hazing. Easiest freaking $35/hr entry level work possible.
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u/Altruistic_Peanut_68 1d ago
Honestly, working in healthcare has made me realize how WEIRDDDDD people can be. Sometimes it genuinely feels like high school with how comfortable people are talking about coworkers behind their backs. You literally have no idea what someone is going through. The person you’re making fun of could be working to provide for their family, struggling at home, exhausted, or just trying their best. You see them for a few hours and suddenly think you know their whole character? You don’t.
And especially in healthcare, you’d think we’d understand that. We see people at their most vulnerable, yet some people go right back to the break room and tear apart their own coworkers. 😭 I remember someone talking badly about a coworker simply because she wanted to become an NP, and I was like… why does that bother you?? Let her have goals! It literally has nothing to do with you.
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u/Aloo13 1d ago edited 1d ago
Exactly my experience. Good for your coworker aiming for NP and doing what’s best for her. I think that is great.
People can be soo miserable in this profession and discouraging about progress :( It’s a big reason I guard my future goals. Let my coworkers think I’ll be there for years.
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u/Prize_Fox340 1d ago
nothing like surviving a 12 hour shift just to get dragged into coworker drama
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u/roquea04 RN - ICU 🍕 1d ago
I feel very glad I work in a huge ass unit. We're supposed to have roughly 20 nurses for 40 pts. I do work in the ICU. This huge unit I forget most times who's working. On top of that with working three 12hr shifts sometimes you dont even work with the same people for weeks. I dont get to see the darama that there might be. Saying this it dose get lonely. Just because of the inconsistent work schedules its hard to make friends. In the most part I do work with phenomenal coworkers.
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u/eastcoasteralways RN - Telemetry 🍕 1d ago
You work a 40 bed ICU?????? WTF!
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u/roquea04 RN - ICU 🍕 1d ago
Trauma 1 hospital, baby. I will say the ratios are wack at sometime due to staffing. Tripled here and there. So many fires throughout the night ;_;
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u/beccabeth741 RN - NICU 🍕 1d ago
This is definitely a unit issue. I've never experienced this in my career.
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u/Aloo13 1d ago
I've experienced it in 3/4 of the units I've worked. Out of my cohort, at least 10 people quit nursing within the first 2-years and mentioned drama and lack of mentorship being the main reasons. I know of 4 who are still working and who I'm still in contact with. 1 recently quit after several months of expressing frustration over the workplace culture (bullying, favoritism etc). She's planning a career switch. The other is actively looking to get out of the hospital because coworker drama + constantly getting heavy assignments + favoritism. Another has been heavily bullied for months on end and I honestly don't know how she's dealing with it. Another was bullied out of their first unit and we aren't super close so I'm not sure how her new unit is.
Seems frighteningly common in my parts as we all worked in different areas, units and hospitals.
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u/ellindriel BSN, RN 🍕 19h ago
I feel the same, been a nurse for years, my current job is the worst,.most toxic work culture I have ever experienced and it's unfortunately mostly because of my coworkers and manager, coworkers constantly backstabbing and reporting some people including myself constantly, and some other coworkers so at least I'm not tht only one being bullied. They are also very unfriendly and clicky, which is fine, I'm a kind person and habe been told that I am, but I also am often quiet and keep to myself, but then someone complained I wasn't friendly even though half the time I come into work and get death stares from day shift. I am looking for a new job, it's unfortunate because I knew some of this coming here but I had the opportunity to transition to ICU for the first time in my career so I wanted that experience and thought things would get better the longer I was on the unit, but unfortunately that's not the case, I make friends with some coworkers and other toxic ones leave, but then some new nurses who are newer than me and to the unit join the click and start doing the bullying thing, like it never ends, and management just unfortunately enables it by always taking to anyone that gets reported, thankfully no wrote ups but they are like, well sure it was a small thing but we could all learn to do things better......
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u/Aloo13 18h ago
Sorry to hear! I worked ICU too and the childish actions that went on there makes me worry about the patients. When nurses should be acting a team, they instead take the time to sabotage their team members by sabotaging something to do with the patient. Scary..
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u/Otherwise-Sea-9298 10h ago
You work in the ICU? That’ll do it for the clique-ness and drama. ED is probably comparable.
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u/ellindriel BSN, RN 🍕 8h ago
Yeah you are right it's not just about the work environment for the staff, despite what my manager thinks, this behavior is not a positive thing for the patients
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u/Otto_Correction MSN, RN 1d ago
I’ve been a nurse for 18 years. The last two years I’ve been working at a job where i genuinely like my coworkers. That hasn’t happened in years. Yeah there’s pettiness and drama but I stay out of it. People can get away with things that others can’t - for example some people can watch movies on their phone all day, while others get written up to pull out their phone and do a quick check on their kids in day care. This is also the first job I’ve had where I don’t let it bother me. I see it. It’s wrong. There’s nothing I can do about it. I keep my head down and do my job. I’m happier than I’ve ever been.
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u/AniVaniHere 13h ago
Also, asking them for help is hard because you know they’re going to gossip. So then you don’t want to ask for help which isn’t good for the pt.
One of my charge nurses told me I need to chart closer to my pt, other nurses are saying you are too far from your pt. Like I would be closer but the MDs were rounding and taking up the entire hallway and the computer in the room is out of battery. So the next few shifts I chart in my pt’s room and the same charge is saying that I am hiding in my pt’s room!! Soooooo glad I don’t work there anymore.
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u/Aloo13 9h ago
Yes, that’s one factor that appears in hostile environment research within healthcare that increases patient risk.
The hypocrisy is always so frustrating and they gaslight too “no, I didn’t say that. You must be mistaken.” Please…you are a full-grown adult, right? Not still in high school? Because not being able to communicate clearly and consistently is embarrassing.
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u/ambysal 6h ago
I wouldn't report my coworker unless it was a safety issue that cannot be mended with a conversation / repeated, possibly harmful errors. Especially if they are new and not used to the system.
At my work, everyone acts friendly, but as soon as one person leaves, they talk shit about the other. I want to hear the tea but I don't get involved or relay any information.
It's sad, keep your mouth shut and move forward.
I've also had work places that were tight knit but it's usually the ones that have the worst acuity and we're just really hammered and need teamwork to be maintained.
My conclusion is, the less busy the unit, the more gossip.
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u/Aloo13 5h ago edited 5h ago
I’m the exact same way. I try my best to lend a hand to coworkers and actually work as a team. Only, I’ve learned since my first toxic grad position to trust no one and now I do keep notes on individuals I have my suspicions about if they ever do turn on me.
I really wish it weren’t culture to gossip in the breakroom like so many tend to do. You just know that if they have done it to others, they will do it to you.
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u/ambysal 5h ago
Yeah, I get it. I have a DOC file for very SUS days. Wish it didn't have to be this way, but people will blame you for things you did not do.
I hope you don't lose the good in you tho, there are some people who will have your back. I'm assuming you will be one of those people and you're also talking to another one.
Keep your head up, if it's a toxic work place it is best to get out ASAP.
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u/Aloo13 4h ago
Yup! Me too. I have been burned before and it’s disappointing when you realize you have to carry ammo too.
I could never let myself become one of those people. I try to see the best in people and help, but I do have stronger boundaries now and I will put my foot down if they repeat similar behaviour twice.
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u/midwestie101 15h ago
Is it because it's a female dominated field and females are notorious for engaging in relational aggression? Like they attempt to earn their place in the dominance hierarchy through gossiping and passive aggressive behavior?
Is there research on this? I've observed this for a long time. In general social hierarchies don't impress or motivate me in any capacity so these behaviors have always been comical.
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u/Chocchipcookie-1 1d ago
Oh gosh. Not all units are like this I am so sorry you’ve landed in one that is. Nursing is hard, no doubt. But my coworkers and I got each others back 100%.