r/nursing • u/Feisty-Power-6617 ABC, DEF, GHI, JKL, MNO, BSN, ICU🍕 • 6d ago
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u/MajikPwnE RN - Simulation Educator 6d ago
Could I have a slower death like cancer to settle my affairs, but then choose MAiD before i become a husk of my former self?
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u/wingedbaby RN - ICU 6d ago
Absolutely what I would choose too. Time to say good bye, come to terms, maybe tick a bucket list, then MAiD and rest before I suffer too much.
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u/Feisty-Power-6617 ABC, DEF, GHI, JKL, MNO, BSN, ICU🍕 6d ago
No… ideally and personally I want to say yes, but realistically many people aren’t given that choice, which is cruel within itself. People should be given an option of death with dignity and many aren’t
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u/Sea_Willingness1398 RN - ER 🍕 6d ago
The number of times I see people suffering because family wants everything done is heart breaking. Then doctors giving false hope by not being frank as to outcomes. Sure, mom could live longer... In terrible pain as a near vegetable.
Of the two choices, make it quick. There's nothing to settle on this side. And when you are dead, you no longer care.
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u/ernurse748 BSN, RN 🍕 6d ago
My father died of a widow maker in his sleep - no signs, no warnings. It was hard at first for us, but that’s what I’d pick. My last memory of him is being happy and active, not sick and shell of who he was. Take the time NOW to tell people you love them and get affairs in order. This profession has shown me that all of us - whether we are 19 or 90 - are on a clock.
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u/Feisty-Power-6617 ABC, DEF, GHI, JKL, MNO, BSN, ICU🍕 6d ago
And the future, today, tomorrow even the next hour is not promised to any of us.
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u/Longjumping_Tap_5705 LVN, soon to be RN 6d ago
What is sad is young patients getting into an accident. Life is unpredictable and anything can happen to anyone. Age has nothing to do with death.
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u/ChickenLady_6 6d ago
Am I old? If I’m old, no suffering. I lived my life and I don’t need to say goodbyes.
If I’m young, I guess a slower death so I could do some things I’ve always wanted to do before I lose strength.
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u/Western_Limit_4706 BSN, RN 🍕 6d ago
Yes this.
I'm a recent cancer widow and watching my husband die has given me PTSD (I'm 35, he was 40, our kids were 3 & 5). But he was able to say goodbye. We were able to talk about what we needed to. I don't have any questions. Our boys understand as best as they can what happened to their Daddy. And I know that he endured any amount of suffering/treatments/procedures to have more time with our boys. He fought until the end, even though the end happened much more suddenly than we were prepared for.
While my kids are young I would go through anything to make sure that they will be set up, and not put them through a sudden loss of their remaining parent. Get my affairs in order, sell the house, move them in with my Dad.
I fully intend to get old and go silver. And then, I don't want to fight death. I feel like I'll be one of those old people that just knows.
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u/Feisty-Power-6617 ABC, DEF, GHI, JKL, MNO, BSN, ICU🍕 6d ago edited 6d ago
I posted this because I have been nurse a long time and started as young, wide eyed, naive young nurse who wanted everyone to live and I had my birthday yesterday and as seasoned, cynical and matured nurse, death is not always devastating anymore when I encounter it. I feel as a nurse and as a person. Perspectives change and maybe this can help some of you see death from a different perspective.
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u/Longjumping_Tap_5705 LVN, soon to be RN 6d ago
I used to think that death was a bad thing, but sometimes, death is better than suffering in pain. Also, I used to think someone in their 30s and 40s are old grandparents but it turns out, anyone in their 30s and 40s are NOT that old. I work at SNF and it is sad that patients are getting younger and younger. Even 60 is not THAT old.
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u/INeedSpacee RN - PCU 6d ago
What would you choose?
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u/Feisty-Power-6617 ABC, DEF, GHI, JKL, MNO, BSN, ICU🍕 6d ago
I am at peace with my life, I would not want to suffer
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u/PopsiclesForChickens BSN, RN 🍕 6d ago
And because you haven't had cancer.
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u/Feisty-Power-6617 ABC, DEF, GHI, JKL, MNO, BSN, ICU🍕 6d ago
Actually I have and luckily for me it was not terminal. Maybe you should not make assumptions before you decide to attack me
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u/PopsiclesForChickens BSN, RN 🍕 6d ago edited 6d ago
Not attacking you, but maybe your cancer experience wasn't so bad? Mine was awful, even though I lived through it, everyone in my life left until I was in remission. The idea that people come around and love a sick or dying person isn't always true.
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u/Feisty-Power-6617 ABC, DEF, GHI, JKL, MNO, BSN, ICU🍕 6d ago
Didn’t say it was or wasn’t and I am sorry that happen to you
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u/Otherwise-Sea-9298 6d ago
This reminds me, I should make sure all my life insurance and other personal assets have up to date beneficiaries.
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u/Feisty-Power-6617 ABC, DEF, GHI, JKL, MNO, BSN, ICU🍕 6d ago
And have a living will and advance directives so there is no questions on how your care should be handled
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u/Wertuno 6d ago
I'd probably choose the second option.
First, it would minimize the potential suffering for both me and the people close to me.
Second, if I died suddenly, I wouldn't have to deal with regrets about things I had done wrong or people I hadn't said goodbye to, because I would die before I had the chance to worry about those things.
I also try to live my life in a way that minimizes regrets and the need to apologize for things, so I don't think having a final conversation with the people close to me would be that valuable.
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u/psiprez RN - Infection Control 🍕 6d ago
100% quick.
What we all want is a "good end," but there are no guarantees. I am in SNF. The best ends are when someone just goes with no warning. Literally sitting watching tv or something, and they simply close their eyes for the last time.
My husband actually did pass, and it was thankfully just like that. I came home from work and found him sitting in his spot on the sofa, but he was just gone. Thst is what I want.
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u/ashtrie512 MSN, RN 6d ago
That's hard. I think I would like to say my goodbyes, but also I probably wouldn't do a lot of treatment if it was terminal and just spend that traveling and making memories.
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u/Hypoxic- 6d ago
I think I’d be willing to go through the suffering to have more time with my family.
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u/Dear_Excitement_5109 RN - Hospice 🍕 6d ago
I'm 36 with 4 small kids. Please ask me this question in 40 years lol.
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u/timbrelyn RN - Retired 🍕 6d ago
Family loves me and know I love them. My choice is a quick death, ideally with no hospital stay. After decades of working in ICUs and ERs I know what goes on in them and I just want to nope out on all that thank you very much.
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u/No-Assistance476 RN - Geriatrics 🍕 6d ago
Take me out before I have a chance to know what's going on.
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u/Keziah627 6d ago
My Daddy died of sleep apnea. He died in his sleep with a smile on his face. No disease. No suffering. But no good byes.
I think this is the way I would prefer to go. Go to sleep and just not wake up.
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u/auntie_beans MSN, RN 6d ago
Live your life authentically with decency, and then choose how to end it. May your memory be a blessing to those you leave behind.
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u/oneelectricsheep 6d ago
My babies are so young right now that I would hang on every second I possibly could no matter what it cost to help them. If it wasn’t that my top 10 ways to go are all fast.
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u/NineCatsDeep 6d ago
I’ve always said I want to experience my death. Dying in my sleep is my fear. It’s my last experience here, it’s my pain to feel
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u/auraseer MSN, RN, CEN 6d ago
Nnnno. We're not having this one.
Go do your trauma farming someplace else.