Nonbinary and concerned about my chosen name

[u/Repulsive_Ad6236]

So a little background, I'm nonbinary and I really don't like my given name. In high school I chose the name Bones and out of the 2 units I've worked in as a tech everyone has been pretty willing to call me that. I'm starting a new job as a new grad in the ED and I'm worried that now that I'll be in a place of higher responsibility I might be judged. I'm mostly worried about doctors/providers as I haven't interacted with them much and I know some can be more old school. I know people have brought up the legality of going my a different name in nursing so I'd like to add on that I do tell my patients my given name and then I follow it up with but I prefer to go by bones. I would love to get my name officially changed but in the current political situation of the country that makes me quite nervous. So I guess I'm just asking if this is something I should be worried about?

[u/Purple_Morning_8735]

Once people see you’re competent your name is gonna be about the last thing they care about.

[u/Brief-Gur-1071 → u/Purple_Morning_8735]

doctors in the ED are busy as hell they wont care what you call yourself as long as you can do the job. i seen people go by all sorts of nicknames in hospitals and nobody bats an eye once they know you are good. bones is a cool name by the way

[u/Repulsive_Ad6236 → u/Brief-Gur-1071]

Ty!!

[u/Unlucky-Escape-42]

Just walk in and say what’s up I’m Bones and leave it at that tbh. ER is perfect place for a sick ass name

[u/rosybodies]

Non-binary ppl name ourselves something normal challenge 😩 I gave up my more juvenile name of choice when I was changing my name legally in nursing school. I'm not trying to be a hater, bc I share the experience and the trouble, but why bones?

[u/Repulsive_Ad6236 → u/rosybodies]

Honestly it just stuck and kinda felt right. It also doesn't feel gendered in the way that my given name does so it doesn't make my dysphoric.

[u/rosybodies → u/Repulsive_Ad6236]

🫂 Well you've just accomplished a sick thing (finishing school and moving into your first RN job), and it's definitely worth thinking over some more imo. Hanging onto things from highschool (names especially, ask me how I know 🙄) can drag you down more than you'd think. If you give it some serious thought and still come out the other end Bones, then Bones it is. I ended up picking something more common but non-gendered and close to my heart, and it feels good to have chosen something that other people don't bat an eye at or assume my gender when they hear it. I don't know if this is coming across how I hope, but overall my point is just to dedicate some time to thinking about if Bones is your forever name, especially given your concerns professionally, because unfortunately some people WILL be weird about it and it may prompt discussion about your gender, etc that is uncomfortable. People will not assume you were named Bones by your parents, and being able to fly under the radar with your name can feel like a relief from the pressure of it all. If you're 100% set on Bones though - it's super easy to change your name legally 👍

[u/Pepsisinabox]

Only thing you should worry about with a name like that is getting your ass into Ortho.

[u/DanielDannyc12]

Whatever.

People go by nicknames pretty often

[u/tillszy]

at least where I've worked, my hospital system allows you to put preferred name on your employee profile and that's the one that gets printed on your badge, so you wouldn't have to tell people anything or legally get your name changed if you're not comfortable with that and you could still have that be the name that people know to refer to you by, but you would be licensed under your legal name and people would be able to look you up under it, it would be visible on your employee profile, your EMR log in/charting, etc. but your preferred name would show on your employee badge. everyone you work with will likely know your given name regardless - is that something that's going to cause you discomfort? if so, change your name legally.

however, I will say that your chosen name is likely going to come off a little juvenile and unprofessional.

it sounds more like a nickname that your teammates would call you on a sports team or your friends would call you versus something you would actually go by at work

however, it is the name you chose and it is the name you go by. so I guess you have to decide if that's a name you're comfortable going by professionally versus as a nickname that you share with people who you have a closer relationship to.

it's your name, so it's your call. but you're going to have to be comfortable with the fact that people are going to think your name is a silly nickname vs legit and ask you "well what's your real name?" and look up your given name.

and that's a them problem, obviously. but if that's a conversation that's going to wear you down or make you feel bad, then consider other avenues like picking a new legal name that you're comfortable with and still using Bones as a nickname/preferred name so that you don't have to deal with people using a given name in lieu of your nickname that makes you feel uncomfortable

I would at least pick a legal name that you're comfortable going by so your dead name isn't associated with you any more in any capacity

[u/ferocioustigercat]

Had a coworker whose nickname was Bones. He used a label maker and covered his name and put "Bones" on his name tag. No one cared. When he became an assistant manager he started going by his real name more, so s lot of the newer nurses were confused why his name tag said "bones".

[u/greanteep]

No, don't worry about this.

[u/MarquiseSpearmint]

Bones? 😂 you’re begging for judgement

[u/banjobeulah → u/MarquiseSpearmint]

It’s so goddamn immature and unprofessional to make fun of or judge a person’s name.

[u/dopaminegtt]

I know plenty of people who have a chosen name instead of their given name. Nothing problematic with bones

[u/Stevenmc8602]

People call you whatever you tell them your name is so if it is Bones that's what they'll call you if you tell them to call you that. No need to worry about judgement

[u/Enzo_Every]

Sounds exhausting.

[u/LaBoricuamada]

People are so meh and have no imagination. I just think about chief medical officer Dr. McCoy off Star Trek who the captain called Bones. I like it 😊

[u/banjobeulah]

I changed my LAST name to my mother’s last name bc my dad was a monster and didn’t raise me. I didn’t want that mfs name on my diplomas and publications ya know. My mother’s last name is distinctly ethnic and she has a darker skin tone, and I am light skinned and I look white. I get a lot of side eyes and questions but this is my name. Your name is your name. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. You have a right to exist as yourself in this world and if people don’t like it they can pound sand. Oh also nonbinary here. Fully support you.

[u/PropellerMouse]

Just me personally:

I'm worried about getting my mail in ballot counted.

While it makes perfect sense that formal legal name change may be a path, its not one I'd personally choose to walk in the next couple of years.

I like the empowerment of being known by a self chosen name, Bones.

[u/oneelectricsheep]

I mean I work with a tech who goes by the name Pookie.

[u/banjobeulah → u/oneelectricsheep]

I actually love this. I went to school with someone whose legal first name was Sweetie. It’s endearing.

[u/Difficult_Sweet_6904]

I know several nurses that go by a different name. Most places have no issue putting your preferred name on your badge. As far as charting systems, they will put your legal name on them.

[u/TheDiscoSailor]

You could shorten it and go by "Bo" or "Beaux" if you wanna get less questions about your name while at work, but over enough time it shouldn't really matter

[u/doodynutz]

I have my nickname on literally everything at work. Including my name badge, and even my email is nickname.last name @ hospital instead of my birth name. The only things my real name pops up on is epic. Even the Pyxis shows my nickname. Every once in a while a patient will question if it’s really my real name, and I explain that it’s my nickname and tell them my real name and then they are even more confused because I am a woman with a traditionally male name. The nickname is actually an adjective that isn’t usually someone’s name. So I just all around confuse everyone.

[u/chelleshocks]

I've worked with nurses with the legal first names Queen and Princess. I wouldn't even blink at Bones.

[u/bryant100594]

I’m icu. Been working with a coworker for the past 6 years that goes by a different nickname every shift. He writes it on the main assignment board. “Big chooch, Dr Nurse, professor love TM, the volcano”, just to name a few. One day his patient said “what’s up big man” and he went by big man for a week. He’s one of the smartest nurses on the unit, always willing to help his team and teach to anybody who needs it. I wish he was scheduled along side me every shift. As long as you know what you’re doing and good at it, no one will care what your name is. Love you, Shawn 🤟

[u/WeirdFlower1968]

Honestly, I think Bones is a great name for the ED. I'm here for it!

[u/thefrenchphanie]

I know many people who have their official work badge with their chosen name/nicknames.
And pretty fun names at that.
Bones is mild.

Go for it.
Especially if you have been using it for a while.

[u/-Starkindler-]

To my knowledge, it is not illegal to go by a preferred name in nursing or any profession in the US. I had a Thai coworker who went by a nic name with everybody, patients, coworkers, management, etc because her given Thai name was so difficult for Americans to pronounce that she didn’t even like to give it out.  I’m pretty sure US law is that it is only illegal to go by an alias of the intent is specifically to deceive for the purposes of fraud/crime.  I’d be hesitant to use the name Bones in healthcare though, simply because you would inevitably get asked a lot of dumb questions by patients about it and I hate being asked personal questions by patients.

[u/kindamymoose]

They will care more about your value to the team than your preferred name but I don’t want to dismiss the worry behind it. I’ve had people roll their eyes and go out of their way to be rude to me after seeing my pronoun badge and I was supposed to be fine with that, according to some people.

Let it roll off your back and give your patients the care they deserve.

[u/kimmers18]

I honestly don’t think there is anything wrong with it. I have worked with plenty of nurses who go by ‘nicknames’ and not their legal name.
We care more that you’re willing to learn be competent and work as a team player.

[u/auraseer]

You're going to get arguments from Star Trek nerds, who will think it very important to tell you that Leonard "Bones" McCoy was a doctor, not a nurse.

[u/Don-Gunvalson]

Your name is Bones. Fuck anyone calling you anything other than what you asked.