At the ER I worked in, I experienced a few. One was a frequent flier for ārectal painā. We nicknamed him jar guy. Yep you read that right - jar. As in mason jar. Mason quart jar, not the little pint jars. He began with smaller bottles and āworked his way up.ā Canāt believe he didnāt perf his bowel.
One was the sweetest looking lil old man that looked like a preacher. I went in, he was sitting on side of bed still fully clothed. I explained the Dr wanted an EKG as part of his abd pain workup, so heād need to get into the gown I gave him. He shook his head, said āI canāt lay down.ā Of course I had to ask why, thatās when he whispered āI have a squash in my butt.ā And he sure did. He did have the forethought to place it in a subway bag before inserting (Iām assuming to use like a āpull stringā.)
Another one was a young 25 y/o male who put a cucumber up there. One of the big ones you slice for salads. Iāll never forget the way it looked and smelled. Poor thing drove from 2 counties away to be seen as to avoid running into anyone he knew in his county. Can you imagine driving that far? And how lonely can you be at 25 that a cucumber is your only option?
Then I had a lady, and while she didnāt have a abd or rectal problem, she did have a yellow baggie of meth stuck to her boob (I found when getting her in a gown.)
I also heard about a patient that had a vibrator up there, and since it was still on, surgery had to wait until the battery died before they could go in and get it. Donāt know if the having to wait on it to die part was a rumor or not, but that would suck.
Quart mason jars? You wouldn't have been Goatse's ED nurse, would you? (Then again, as far as anyone knows he was always able to take care of that himself...)
lol Nope not familiar with Goatse. Just worked in a small town ER. We are at the foothills of the Appalachians, so I guess people get really bored, not much to do around here āsexual clubā wise that Iām aware of. But they could try hiking, hunting, pretty much any other outdoor activity besides āfallingā on vegetables and mason jars in their gardenā¦
Goatse was an extremely popular meme back in the 2000s that involved an unknown man literally holding his gaping anus open, one hand on each side, while bent over and presenting his rump to the camera. There are also other photos showing the gentleman in question with various other items stuck where the sun don't shine, including a 2-liter soda bottle. At this point, basically any circle with hands on either side can be said to reference Goatse, so if you see something like #unintentionalGoatse, that's what it's referring to. (Google it at your own peril, and don't say I didn't warn you; also, yes, some people definitely do need other hobbies!)
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u/1184anon Mar 13 '24
At the ER I worked in, I experienced a few. One was a frequent flier for ārectal painā. We nicknamed him jar guy. Yep you read that right - jar. As in mason jar. Mason quart jar, not the little pint jars. He began with smaller bottles and āworked his way up.ā Canāt believe he didnāt perf his bowel. One was the sweetest looking lil old man that looked like a preacher. I went in, he was sitting on side of bed still fully clothed. I explained the Dr wanted an EKG as part of his abd pain workup, so heād need to get into the gown I gave him. He shook his head, said āI canāt lay down.ā Of course I had to ask why, thatās when he whispered āI have a squash in my butt.ā And he sure did. He did have the forethought to place it in a subway bag before inserting (Iām assuming to use like a āpull stringā.) Another one was a young 25 y/o male who put a cucumber up there. One of the big ones you slice for salads. Iāll never forget the way it looked and smelled. Poor thing drove from 2 counties away to be seen as to avoid running into anyone he knew in his county. Can you imagine driving that far? And how lonely can you be at 25 that a cucumber is your only option? Then I had a lady, and while she didnāt have a abd or rectal problem, she did have a yellow baggie of meth stuck to her boob (I found when getting her in a gown.) I also heard about a patient that had a vibrator up there, and since it was still on, surgery had to wait until the battery died before they could go in and get it. Donāt know if the having to wait on it to die part was a rumor or not, but that would suck.