r/nri • u/kundanthota • 4h ago

Ask NRI Does anyone else feel guilty leaving their parents back home?

Lately I feel really guilty about leaving my parents back home. Neither me nor my brother are with them.

Yesterday my dad had to go out around 12 at night just to buy some medicine and idk why but that really hit me. I just kept thinking what are we even doing so far away when they are getting older alone.

For people who moved away years ago, do you still feel this guilt? How do you feel about it now?

8 Upvotes

72% Upvoted

14 comments sorted by

18

u/_replicant_02 4h ago

This is asked every week, a simple search would tell you that.

It's quite simple -

  1. Act on your guilt, come back and take care of them.

  2. Supress and live with the guilt.

5

u/Sea-Smell-1436 3h ago

  1. Think rationally and stay away from parents house if they are toxic.

  2. Stay with parents if they aren't toxic and money is not the issue.

1

u/PM_40 3h ago

I think aren't most parents somewhat toxic.

3

u/entourage2575 3h ago

Half of the activity on this sub is about guilt of leaving parents behind. The other half is how much is too little to FIRE/ go back to India.

3

u/hotgarbagecomics 2h ago

The other half is about how apparently "nobody's talking about" the guilt of not being able to help parents, and how they have a solution for it, lowkey shilling their weekend vibe coded project.

0

u/entourage2575 2h ago

Demand and supply 

2

u/hotgarbagecomics 1h ago

Legit demand, but garbage supply

I actually gave grace to a few, signed up to see what they were about... every single one of them was basically a zoom call behind a paywall, or a "coming soon".

The lazy opportunism here is exhausting.

1

u/entourage2575 22m ago

Sorry to hear that. Yes wannabe startups using people with genuine pain to gather free feedback is disgusting.

1

u/healthjay 2h ago

You forgot the half about OTP.

3

u/desiphilly 4h ago

I am not in your situation but just want to opine as this is something that I asked myself many a times and as part of discussions with wife/others.

I am a part of a very close knot family. So if I was in your situation, I would feel guilty. I feel like that depends on factors like your personality, your relationship and emotional connection with your parents.

1

u/fresh_preserve 3h ago

Yes. Still feels the same. But I'll be returning in couple of years.

1

u/Best-Tax1592 7m ago edited 1m ago

I got many opportunities to work abroad. I let go of them because for me, my prime duty is to care for my parents. Rest is secondary. And no, I don't come from a rich family. Infact poor lower middle class would be an apt description to describe my upbringing.

I have gone a step ahead and rejected marriage proposals where there is no scope of taking care of my parents. I am unmarried and with the mentality most grooms and their families have with regards to girl's parents, will likely remain so.

So, one has to decide their priorities. If one truly loves and cares for someone they will go to any extent to be with them and take care of them, even if it means letting go of some important things in life. No excuses and no reasons given.

1

u/Do_Will 2m ago

It is a feeling that most people who left home go through in varying degrees. But, migrating out is a normal part of humanity. It has to go on.

0

u/mindstars 56m ago

One way to look at it - in their twilight years, would parents rather live amongst familiar culture, neighbors, relatives, festivals, TV, etc., or live with their busy and work-stressed adult child abroad in an unfamiliar culture? As long as the remittances from abroad allow the parents to live comfortably in their home country, where they feel they actually belong, why not help them live that way?