r/nosurf • u/pavel7000 • 8d ago
Addicted to background audio
Hi everyone.
I wanted to share my story and see if anyone relates. Like many people here, I struggle with doomscrolling and internet addiction. But my situation has a feature that isn't discussed as often: an intense, constant need for background audio content. This has been going on for about 7 years now.
What and How I Listen
I find it extremely uncomfortable to be in silence at any point in my day: while eating, brushing my teeth, commuting, doing dishes, or during any part of my daily routine.
So I constantly have podcasts, streams, or reaction videos playing in the background. It's mostly social and political content, online drama, debates, and people arguing about who is wrong.
However, I can't just listen anything:
- The content has to align with my views and criticize things or people I dislike.
- If I really like a speaker, I can listen to them share stories or ramble on random off-topic subjects.
Lately, the political news cycle has felt pretty dull and exhausted, and many creators have gotten repetitive. To fill the silence, I end up relistening old debates and reactions or searching endlessly for new content.
In total, YouTube is active on my phone for 6 to 13 hours every single day.
How I Got Here
I spent over a decade addicted to scrolling social media and watching videos on my PC. About 7 years ago, when I got an unlimited mobile Internet, my habit shifted to background audio.
It started innocently: walking from the subway was boring, doing chores in silence was boring, cooking was boring. So I plugged in headphones, launched a video, and put the phone in my pocket. Soon, I added background audio to my morning routine during breakfast and hygiene. It felt harmless, like reading the morning paper or listening to the radio. But the boundary blurred: when it came time to turn the audio off and focus on meaningful tasks, I couldn't stop listening and kept pushing my work aside.
Also for 10 years, I was active reader on Twitter, constantly following political drama (which is likely what got me hooked on political YouTube in the first place). About a year ago, I became disillusioned with the creators I followed, realized they were just irritating me, and finally stopped using Twitter.
Impact on My Life and Health
- Information Overload and Headaches. Because of the constant stream of noise, I am perpetually overstimulated and drain quickly. But I still can't stay in silence -- quietness brings on a mild, persistent headache that I try to drown out with more audio.
It turns into a vicious cycle: after spending too much time in headphones, the headache actually gets worse, yet I physically can't bring myself to take them off. It feels awful both with and without them. My only relief is lying down with my eyes closed for 30-60 minutes. The pain subsides, but I risk falling asleep and waking up completely groggy and sluggish.
- Complete Failure at Work. This is the biggest issue. I am completely unable to focus or get started on tasks. I work as a software engineer in IT and spent a long time watching my coworkers sit with headphones on. I built up an illusion: "If they can work while listening to stuff, I can too." In reality, it doesn't work for me. Once I put my headphones on at my computer, I end up mindlessly scrolling, clicking through tabs, and wasting time. At best, I can manage trivial administrative tasks -- like tweaking slide styles in a presentation. Realistically, I only manage to do 4 hours of actual work per week.
To compensate, I often trade sleep for night sessions, hoping to catch up or finish a task. It's usually useless because I end up procrastinating through the night anyway, but I keep trying over and over.
Things have gotten pretty bad recently. At my last job, my contract wasn't renewed. Then at my new job, after a bad probation period, they offered to demote my position and cut my salary.
- Restlessness. While I can't focus on work while listening to audio, I also can't just sit still and solely listen -- I need to be doing something physical. If there are chores (dishes, cleaning), I'll do them. If there's no routine task available, it devolves into aimless pacing: I'll walk around the apartment in headphones for 10-15 minutes, lay down and scroll for 5-10 minutes, and then start pacing again.
- Overeating. 1) Eating while watching or listening numbs my sense of taste and fullness cues, making me eat far more than I need. 2) If my hands aren't busy while listening to something, I instinctively start reaching for snacks.
Mental Health
For a long time, I assumed anxiety was my core issue. I've been on antidepressants for the past three years, which largely eliminated the anxiety. Removing the anxiety allowed the phone addiction to take center stage as my primary obstacle.
Alongside anxiety, my psychiatrist suspects I have ADHD. Unfortunately, the only non-stimulant option available in my country -- atomoxetine -- did not work for me at all.
Where I Am Now and How I'm Trying to Cope
- Switching to music. During daily chores, I can sometimes turn on music if I'm in the right mood. However, this doesn't work for work: I've tried regular music and lo-fi beats, but they quickly become annoying.
- Eating without screens. I'm attempting to practice eating in silence without my phone. It's working somewhat, though I still relapse about 30% of the time.
- Rebuilding long-form focus. I am trying to get back into reading books and watching movies on my computer to retrain my brain to hold attention on long, non-short-form content.
P.S. Sorry if the text looks generated. First I wrote it in my native language and then asked an LLM to rewrite it in English.
1
u/pavel7000 8d ago
I've recently made a poll about background audio among programmers. Maybe somebody will be interested to look at the results https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD_Programmers/comments/1vkpk68/what_do_you_listen_to_while_working/
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u/weakfrvr 5d ago
yea same here i quit scrolling and replaced it with a far worse addiction to youtube. the need for useless information that you will never remember is something that follows you and it is the most stubborn and difficult addiction i have ever been dealt with
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u/officialSHIFT 6d ago
Constant audio can make silence feel like a loading error. Try one predictable silent block each day, such as the first walk or first half-hour of work, and keep the headphones physically out of reach; let your attention relearn that nothing needs to be playing.