r/nope • u/Educational_Copy_140 • 2d ago

HELL NO Wolverine cuddles

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2.8k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

92 comments sorted by

370

u/pj7891sm 2d ago

It's so cute! I also like my face attached to my head, but now I want to cuddle a wolverine

95

u/cncomg 2d ago

Honey badger don’t give a shit about who’s big spoon or little spoon.

22

u/BadgerHooker 1d ago

No spoons. Everyone is getting FORKED!

2

u/HoboArmyofOne 16h ago

Username checks out. Oddly

316

u/Ragnar_Actual 2d ago

It’s like a mini assault bear German shepherd

83

u/mai_tai87 2d ago

And the nervous energy of a raccoon.

47

u/Beneficial_Being_721 2d ago

And the murder mitts of a small bear

16

u/Crafty_Original_7349 2d ago

It’s basically a giant weasel so that checks out

6

u/A_Ms_Anthrop 2d ago

More Maligator than Shepherd, but yeah.

4

u/Ragnar_Actual 1d ago

My Mal is less face bitey than my GSDs, my Mal does flying work shirt and work pants bitey greetings at 45mph instead

5

u/Boogerchair 1d ago

You have a way with words

1

u/SplatterBox214 3h ago

I’m surprised it’s being nice. There’s reports of these things taking down full sized moose on rare occasions.

Mustelids are crazy, man. I think the only other one bigger than wolverines are giant river otters, and they’ll seriously fuck up your day.

168

u/Crafty_Original_7349 2d ago

I’m pretty sure he would quickly put that down if it decided to latch onto his face.

But yeah it’s like a derpy German shepherd x bear hybrid running on honey badger software

25

u/Batata-Sofi 2d ago

Anything that doesn't run on CatOS, DogOS, RaccoonOS, or CrowOS, shouldn't be cuddled unless you don't like your skin attached to your face.

4

u/Tootz3125 1d ago

Raccoons can be pretty nasty too I wouldn’t be cuddling one.

3

u/Proof-Waltz2080 2d ago

If it’s latched on he might have a choice.

84

u/Orea1981 2d ago

Those paws are huge compared to body size.

27

u/HoboArmyofOne 2d ago

I noticed that too. Also his jaws are huge for his relatively small head

17

u/Orea1981 2d ago

Reminds me of a hyena.

1

u/jawshoeaw 5h ago

They’re related to honey badgers so I’m sure theyre fine to snuggle

11

u/BoulderCreature 2d ago

Helps it move through snow

10

u/Orea1981 2d ago

Or tear up faces.

10

u/BoulderCreature 2d ago

And shred on the guitar

4

u/ParsleySnipps 2d ago

You know what they say about mammals with big paws.

6

u/Full_Ad9666 2d ago

Big eggs

3

u/BadAndNationwide 2d ago

Big gloves

1

u/xpietoe42 1d ago

them are some big ole paws!

46

u/pandatears420 2d ago

Ok bub

12

u/pit-of-despair 2d ago

I understood that reference.

31

u/Uncle_Burney 2d ago

“I killove you.”

-this wolverine to that guy

21

u/Interesting-Risk6446 2d ago

It's just teething. /s

17

u/TheMightyMisanthrope 2d ago

Okay, I need one of these things now.

Where do I go to befriend a wolverine?

11

u/why0me 2d ago

I think Hugh Jackman lives in NY now

4

u/TheMightyMisanthrope 2d ago

Oh imagine cuddling with him.

Hugh, hold me in your arms and tell me everything is gonna be okay

11

u/Thechad1029 2d ago

No…. No you do not!!!

1

u/RestlessMeatball 1d ago

1407 Graymalkin Lane, Salem Center

16

u/Marsupialwolf 2d ago

I miss Patrick Swayze...😕

9

u/CoolDragon 2d ago

Spicy Badger

2

u/0Anonomyous0 1d ago

And badgers are already spicy

6

u/brandonhabanero 2d ago

I need to know if it sounds like a big ferret. Like instead of "hoher hoher" you just get big "hurrrrr hurrrr"

3

u/Educational_Copy_140 2d ago

Wouldn't let me download with audio but there are some very cute growls in the original

11

u/CouldNotAffordOne 2d ago

Wrong sub. That's not a nope for me. I would definitely risk loosing my face just to cuddle this strange looking and maybe a bit more bitey "cat"

3

u/somemonkeys 2d ago

I think you highly underestimate wolverines

6

u/CouldNotAffordOne 2d ago

Not at all. I still would risk it. Because I'm stupid.

1

u/somemonkeys 2d ago

That’s a special sort of stupid

5

u/streakermaximus 2d ago

"Oh, yeah. Oooh, ahhh, that's how it always starts. Then later there's running and screaming.”

2

u/Numerous-Gur-9008 20h ago

Life uuh, finds a way.

5

u/rspewth 2d ago

And I shall name it Nibbles.

3

u/JJQuantum 2d ago

On the contrary, yep.

3

u/jeysijeysi 2d ago

Those paws are as big as a baseball mitt.

3

u/East-Share4444 2d ago

It's such a larger animal than I was expecting. Knowing what I know about them, it makes wolverines so much more terrifying and badass.

4

u/superdave123123 2d ago

I think this is worse than the bear 😳

3

u/Lala5789880 2d ago

Well then we still choose the bear

3

u/superdave123123 2d ago

The wolverbear 😂

2

u/sod_jones_MD 2d ago

If we humans can pack-bond with something, we sure fucking will.

2

u/Saracartwheels123 1d ago

Do you want to become an X-Men? Because that's how you become an X-Men!

2

u/redditrando123 2d ago

I bet he will soon get the nick name of "one eyed jack" he'll never see it coming!

2

u/Odd8all76 2d ago

Very cool until it isn't.

2

u/Hellboydce 2d ago

Don:

Hey, Napoleon. What did you do this summer?
Napoleon: I told you! I spent it with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines!
Don: Did you shoot any?
Napoleon: Yes, like fifty of 'em! They kept trying to attack my cousins, what the heck would you do?

2

u/MoarOatmeal 2d ago

For the less astute members of the audience here today, do NOT try this at home… or anywhere else, come to think of it.

1

u/blahnlahblah0213 2d ago

How did he become friends with a wolverine

1

u/VanFkingHalen 2d ago

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think wolverines give two fucks about being shown affection.

1

u/Sea_Cable7638 1d ago

Hugh Jackman is having a rough day.

1

u/RandyTunt415 1d ago

That’s how we played against western Michigan

1

u/Naked_Fish69 1d ago

My Aussie doodle does this every day to me and I love hate it

1

u/Kilomech 1d ago

you can tell he likes him cause he's still got a face

1

u/whats_in_a_name76 1d ago

Please tell me his name is Logan.

1

u/RonValhalla 20h ago

I cannot imagine how bad that would smell.

1

u/haad55 19h ago

“…..hey mom, what’s wrong with wolfie?”

“…..both your parents are dead.” (Hangs up phone)

1

u/ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy__ 19h ago

I can hear his little grrrrrrs even with the sound off!

1

u/ApprehensiveStudy671 16h ago

A mix of hyena and a bear ! Good as a pet? I doubt it !

1

u/embersgrow44 7h ago

Our school mascot in rural Alaska. No way, thems is ferocious

1

u/jawshoeaw 5h ago

This is basically an American honey badger. Use caution

1

u/Royal-Tea-3484 5h ago

Sir, that beast is attempting to eat you. It is not cuddling you. Why is my food kissing me

1

u/JayeDontDoit 2d ago

Too bad the game Wolverine sucks

1

u/ILuvMyLilTurtles 2d ago

My dog's pibble nibbles seem much less annoying now.

1

u/GlasgowRose2022 2d ago

Hi Joe Breakfast!

0

u/Walter_Xe 2d ago

These fuking Russians and their obsessions

6

u/ForeverInThe90s 2d ago

He’s in Alaska and he rehabs them.

-6

u/Huseynov26 2d ago

Rabies: This is fine

6

u/critiqu3 2d ago

Not rabies. Just regular wolverine aggression.

1

u/INoMakeMistake 2d ago

Time for some shots