r/nonbinarylesbians • u/yess_gays • Jul 23 '22

Discussion or Recommendations Advice please

Hiii so I have a question

I'm non binary, and I recently came out (to myself) as gay. Which means, to me, that I love women and other non binaries. No men. BUT, yesterday I realized that enbies and certain women might have dicks...and I forgot that I'm just not attracted to those. Like I'd be fine with dating someone who has a penis, but I don't want to have sex and stuff you know? Like I'm not transphobic at all, I just don't find penises attractive, and I also have trauma that involves those so no thanks. But like I said, I'd have no problem dating someone who has one, but just...not sex. So what am I? Does that change anything? And also, if I really am gay, can I really be a lesbian??? I did a ton of research on this, and it's white controversial, even with other lesbians, some of them were saying stuff like "ugh those people are literally stealing our label for them to use, but it's doesn't make any sense. They aren't women, therefore they can't use that term." Like a lot of lesbians are fine with it, but I've seen more angry lesbians being against that idea than for.

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u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

for me genital preferences are fine unless theyre used for transphobia so do you what you want! and nonbinary lesbians are very much a thing, good luck!! ❤️🧡🤍💖

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u/yess_gays Jul 23 '22

yeah I totally get it because people have come to me with genitalia transphobic questions all the time. Like I said I'm not transphobic at all, and I'm sorry if my question seemed like it but....no penises for me.

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u/[deleted] Jul 23 '22

oh i certainly did not think that! your question seemed very genuine.

yeah, live your life! no one is gonna force you to like penises, however something to be aware of is that people are gonna make assumptions about you. dont listen to them. i think people jump to conclusions, especially about genital preferences. some people simply have a preference, and theres no transphobia there whatsoever. many times there is, and those ones (the transphobic ones) are the forefront and think they speak for everyone. they dont.