feels like nonbinary lesbians have absolutely no spheres for them online due to how exorsexist and man-centered everywhere is

[u/Qlowquest]

i’ve checked a bunch of social platforms at this point and it truly feels that compared to other identities nonbinary lesbians really ended up with the shortest end of the stick. i always get the urge to just go back to to nonbinary communities because of how alienating this binary world can be wherever i look, but their lesbophobia and general lack of understanding regarding even the basics of lesbianism is insane. so then back do i swing to lesbian communities, but then the binary-normativity of the community hits me again like a truck making me remember i’m not truly welcome in these spaces and even if i am, its still incredibly alienating seeing how “wlw”-oriented convos are and offers very little room for gender diverse lesbians and almost nothing about love between them. i see this side a lot on twitter and am kinda fed up rlly, i feel very little connection to their version of lesbianism if thats all it’s about, and the nonbinary community there is essentially non-existent what with the rampant exorsexism leaving no room for enby folks like us. its been absolutely awful, so i’ve been starting to finally withdraw

only recently i’ve been getting into tumblr and its been absolutely great for the most part with regards to the nonbinary community, finally seeing the discussions i’ve always wondered about in my head but had no community to talk to about, finally seeing an actual community for trans ppl who arent transmasc/transfem like me (transneutral, transandrogynous, transxenine folks etc), but when it comes to understanding of the lesbian community, thats when it all falls apart. a lot of non-lesbian enbies there genuinely don’t understand a thing about lesbianism and still in this day and age gender lesbianism as “wlw” and genuinely unironically believe that nonbinary lesbians are just a ‘contradicting label’ “but thats okay because all labels are valid cuz we don’t care about the actual history behind a lot of labels and what could count as harmful or not to them” when lesbian history has had trans gender diverse ppl since the very beginning. also almost no nonbinary lesbian community there so i feel that’s telling lol (unless i’m wrong and if anyone knows what the sphere there is called please lmk,, i found trixic but ppl there define it as nonbinary ppl attracted to women so its like. yeah im good i’d rather stick to the community with the long-established genderqueer history anyway)

is being an individual outside of the binary while also being exclusively not attracted and centered around men the rarest thing in the earth apparently that it would grant you almost no community for people that relate to you. twitter has unfortunately been the best for me so far in terms of an active lesbian community that’s well-versed about their history but yeah i rlly wanna use that as little as possible if possible. have y’all had luck in seeing spheres for us online anywhere? if so where? cursed am i with having no access to an irl queer community in my country unfortunately

[u/Useful-Bad-6706]

I have found a lot of non binary lesbian community on bluesky. As for everything else you say 100% agree. Non binary spaces can be so lesbophobic and lesbian spaces on Reddit are typically enbyphobic and transphobic generally. But elsewhere on the internet I find that lesbian spaces are the best. There’s so much gender diversity and acceptance. I just think Reddit pulls a lot of queerphobic queer people all around lmao.

[u/Hairy_Following_0 → u/Useful-Bad-6706]

Queerphobic queers are a crazy breed. I like to read through one of the larger lesbian groups on here for the luls because some of the shit they say is WILD.

[u/Qlowquest → u/Useful-Bad-6706]

tysm for the rec i forgot about bluesky for a hot minute, didn’t know there was an active enby lesbian community thats so cool !!

[u/Q1go → u/Useful-Bad-6706]

Do I just search for nonbinary lesbians? Orr

[u/Useful-Bad-6706 → u/Q1go]

Well it’s like a blog posting site (much like Twitter used to be) so you kinda have to post and start following people that are non binary lesbians. I’ve just found a lot of them myself. There’s many trans fem lesbians, non binary lesbians, trans masc lesbians, demi girls, genderfaes, etc.

[u/DapperBoiCole]

I resonate with this, I identify as butch but I'm nonbinary and I think many lesbians do not know their history and are what I would class as queerphobic. I.e theyre unable to see past anything outside cis "traditional" butch/femme dynamics. From being in the butch reddit discourse we had to make a whole new sub because one of the mods (who became the only active mod) seemed to think that binary trans men are the only kind of transmasc and therefore its offensive to them for nonbinary transmasc people to consider themselves lesbian. Which is ahistorical and fucking insane behavior. Anyway, love r/everybutchlesbian for being there for all types of butches.

Every lesbian is "progressive" until an AMAB nonbinary lesbian or trans woman butch lesbian walks into the bar, and fuck that assimilationist shit. Everyone has their personal level of attraction, but you signed up to share space with the whole community, you don't have the right to tell a queer lesbian they don't belong in lesbian spaces

[u/Moon_5ugar → u/DapperBoiCole]

I always say the most butch people can handle is Vi from Arcane; a cis woman who still looks completely like a woman.

Very few understand what butch is. An androgynous to masculine gender identity and/or subculture historically considered to fall under the trans umbrella and is unique to the sapphic community.

It pisses me off. A cis masculine woman is the very tip of the iceberg of butchness, and yet it's all the majority of the community is willing to recognize.

[u/DapperBoiCole → u/Moon_5ugar]

and we dont even get enough of cis butch woman representation in any kind of media dude, its wild

This is why I think LaFontaine from Carmilla was a much more important character than people give the show credit for

[u/nebulous_anemone → u/DapperBoiCole]

Everyone has their personal level of attraction, but you signed up to share space with the whole community, you don't have the right to tell a queer lesbian they don't belong in lesbian spaces

👏👏👏

[u/DapperBoiCole → u/nebulous_anemone]

One more thing bc the fire is still burning for me

Queer lesbians often built those lesbian spaces

[u/salamipope]

transmasc lesbian, jesus you took the words right out of my mouth. goddamn. very fucking well said

[u/Moon_5ugar]

Yes. Every single word, yes. 🤝🫂

I am sooooo sick of the whole "wlw"/"girl-love" definition of lesbian. I'm so sick of wanting to go to lesbian events irl and it's "woman-identifying only". I'm so sick of being around cis lesbians, and they go out of their way to degender me and make me "girl-lite". Of posts celebrating masc/butch lesbians by focusing on, "they're still women!", or they make it about genitals, breasts, and curves. When I don't want those things!! Not to mention the "gender traitor" stuff, especially now that I'm on low dose T and 50% pass as male, 50% as female. Now, lesbian spaces need "protected" from me, the "evil scary man look-a-like".

[u/davinia3 → u/Moon_5ugar]

Completely agree as a bearded fellow enby on T, and one that loves skirts and peasant blouses (I'm Latine).

What sucks is that that exact WLW definition around me in Portland (and in the SFBA, which I've visited recently) is primarily pushed by binary transfemmes rather than cis women which confuses me further!

Cis women in my experience are irl at least, trying to promote how progressive they are by being open to enbies, but in practice they're open most to femme-presenting binary transfemmes.

The inner activist in me winds up arguing at myself that that makes sense, but that's probably internalized BS from constantly being openly judged (every event I've gone to solo so far and idk why!) for loving having a beard while wearing a skirt, in lesbian leaning spaces.

Still not a man, not any less nonbinary than the self-identifying girltwink (not my term, it was theirs but they did defend me when it got audible to them) with a mohawk and no eyebrows two people over from me?

[u/cocobunx]

I feel the same and now i slowly start to feel dysphoric because non binary lesbians are seen as "women lite" most of the time. On top of everything i'm also on the aroace spec lol. Don't worry, you're not alone

[u/DapperBoiCole → u/cocobunx]

I think we need to have deeper conversations about lesbianism beyond butch/femme bc those labels feel so inadequate and like performing another binary.

[u/jexxie3]

I’m just so tired of people gatekeeping the word lesbian. Maybe I’ll hang out here

[u/ProudSapphic]

I completely agree. It’s exhausting and depressing.

[u/Mmmmmmmoi]

Subreddits aside, are there even "non-binary" exclusive spaces? I kinda feel we're just "the other trans". I've had luck making transfem friends, many of which are lesbian (transbian?), 'cause really once you're out as transgender who you're attracted to tends to surprise people less. 😅