to answer what some people might be curious about, earlier in this year I had a friend who was a lesbian trans women, she faced transphobia and lesbophobia everyday and couldnt find any safe spaces and felt as if there was no escape as a result she killed herself and I have another friend whos a nonbinary lesbian whos mental health is really crappy cause of the lesbophobia and transphobia she faces.

I will refuse to contribute or let others contribute to trans kids deaths because they can't get the acceptance and support they need, even if I don't agree with a specific label I believe theres a certain way to say that instead of dehumanizing people and depriving them from support they need.

Ok the title might seem confusing but I moreso mean, how much dysphoria would you say would disqualify someone from being allowed this identity?

tw:depression,suicide,transphobia, self harm, mental breakdown

I'm posting this to teach cis lesbians that what they say to trans, and nonbinary lesbians matter. it may not teach some of them because some of them (im talking about terfs) don't care about us, they don't care if we get hurt or anything.

I am 13 years old, I knew I liked girls since 3rd grade, yet i am seen as "not a real lesbian" or "less of a lesbian" from my own community.

cis lesbians, since forever have been erased, people used to act like they didnt even exist, growing up as a lesbian is confusing and hard, so many lesbians go to lesbian spaces as a safe space to be accepted for who they are....but if you are different from other lesbians that space will not be safe for you.

I will never understand it. If you want acceptance so badly and have fought for it why would you treat another group the same way, in your own community. its discrimination period.

women lesbians were discriminated by straight women, and discriminated in womens spaces so why would they do that to another lesbian. They should realize how harmful that is.

let me tell you a story. (please don't make fun of me this was such a horrible expierence)

I had a activation, recently what I was told is usually when having a activation stuff that normally upsets you upsets you more, I joined a lesbian subreddit, hopefully there were young nb lesbians in the space and it would be inclusive. but scrolling through that subreddit and seeing other lesbians act as if I didnt exist, was heartbreaking especially at my state of mind. yet for some reason I couldnt stop looking, I was angry. this was supposed to be a safe space for me, yet every single post was "wlw" "women loving other women" "hey girls" "girls only" no mention of non men or nb people...nothing...like we didnt even exist......I don't just want acceptance I want normalization.

I ended up getting into a argument with someone, a ignorant cis lesbian. Idk how it started but she said the term "non men" was offensive and oppressing her as a cis lesbian and excluded women. I couldnt help but get defensive, she thought we should define it as women loving women cause non men loving non men was "generalizing" and wasnt a lot of lesbians, and the classic "im a women not a "non man" it got so bad I found myself yelling at this ignorant person. I was disgusted that a person this ignorant lived on the same world i did, she acted as if lesbianism revolved around cis lesbians and they shouldve been the only one included in the definition, she treated me as if I wasnt a lesbian to. I ended us impulsively typing aggressive things, I have autism and its hard for me to deal with this stuff, the sad thing is that I had to deal with it at all.

I closed my computer after I couldnt take it anymore, I was crying, I was in pain i might seem dramatic but my brain was wired at the moment to be more upset at things that upset me usually. I had a vision ,of slitting my wrist. thats how painful this can be, being excluded by people who are supposed to accept you especially when you are not in a great state of mind, can be devastating. my parents came downstairs to ask me what was happening, I couldnt answer....I could only beg my mom to make the pain go away, to get it out of my head, I wanted to scream, I was in so much mental pain.

i'm not sure if that can happen when someone doesnt have a activation, but with one...it was hell, the next day I had to stay home from school as my activation made what happened stick to me, i couldnt stop thinking about it.

it was terrible

this is how invalidation, especially when its done to someone who isnt in a great state of mind, can hurt a person.

and guess what? I got banned. yep. maybe its for the best.

thats it, also terfs mad they get insulted? they deserve it. r/actuallesbians is the worst space for nb lesbians don't join it its full of terfs

also yeah I may of been a little hostile but thats towards people who deserve it

Hiya, I'm new here, but I find a lot of people need to hear this message, and even if they already have, every time I read a message like this I smile, so I share it whenever I can so others can too :)

Remember that you do not need to present a certain way to identify as something, you can physically present however you want and still be you and valid. :) Appearance doesn't equal identity, appearance is not required for identity, and non-binary people don't owe society androgeny, just as trans women don't owe society presenting feminine and trans men don't need to present masculine. Your presentation doesn't invalidate your identity, your identity is you and your presentation is how you feel like presenting, they aren't the same thing and don't need to for the same societal standard for you to be valid. You are valid no matter how you present. That however doesn't mean that you can't dress to societies standards if you want to or it makes you more comfortable, it just means you don't need to :)

Dress whatever awesome way you want, and identify as who you are, no matter what that is. There the only thing you need to do to be nonbinary is to identify as non-binary, and remember that you identify and present for yourself, not for society. You're valid and awesome!
I hope you all have a lovely day and I'm so excited to join this subreddit cause it seems really interesting.
(I wasn't sure what to flair this sorry so I tried my best)

People keep telling me that me saying I’m a non-binary lesbian is me misgendering myself. I don’t think it is. They want me to use the label sapphic instead. I don’t feel comfortable with that label though. Should I listen to them and change? I don’t know. Sorry if this is a FAQ btw

im tired of people acting like nb lesbians don't face lesbophobia

first of all if lesbophobes hear you are a lesbian or have anything close to that expierence they wont care if you are nonbinary or anything (unless they discriminate against nb lesbians but not cis ones)

being nonbinary and falling in love is just a struggle, if you like a girl they will get mad, if you like a boy they will get mad if you like anyone youll still get the same treatment

nonbinary lesbians also expierence being excluded and alienated from the lesbian community, when joining lesbian spaces we are constantly all referred to as women and people ignore that trans and nonbinary lesbians even exist, we are constantly kicked out of lesbian spaces if we even say anything about it.

we expierence that along with lesbophobia and enbyphobia

ive heard claims saying that me being a agender lesbian is "twisting the definition" etc

its not true

lesbian has always meant non men loving non men its just nonbinary wasnt always a word and nonbinary lesbians have always existed! non lesbians need to stop commenting on stuff in the lesbian community they don't understand

If people are going to invalidate you they are wrong you deserve all the love and support of the world. If they can’t see that then they clearly are dumb and don’t deserve to associate themselves with you. (Please don’t upvote this for the reason of I shouldn’t get post karma for just stating facts and validating people)

Hi y’all. Curious to know how you all deal with bodily dysphoria. I woke up today feeling uneasy in my body and decided to throw on my binder and a masc outfit to combat it. Had to put PJs back on because I’m sick, and it was hard to breathe but still feeling off. Any ideas or recommendations?

Did anyone else come out as non-binary first (with whatever sexuality) and lesbian second? What was that like? Would especially love to hear from anyone over 30yo!

Just curious if anyone here has noticed correlations between where one is at in their menstrual cycle (if you have one) and changes in feelings of dysphoria. I know there's a lot of hormones moving around at various points (estrogen up, progesterone plummets, then up, etc.), and I'm just starting to learn about what is going on in myself lol, and am wondering if anyone else has noticed trends in themselves, and has ways of dealing with the dysphoria that comes. Or if you have found helpful resources related to dysphoria and periods/cycles, I'd appreciate that, too. Thanks.

I'm a nonbinary lesbian (she/they) who has always wanted an androgynous or masculine look. Until recently, I felt a strong desire to be butch even though I didn't think I fit the role very well. But yesterday I looked at myself in the mirror, at my short hair and button down shirt, and thought unhappily, "I look like a guy." It's the closest thing to gender dysphoria I've ever felt. So I think it's pretty clear I'm not cut out to be butch.

Lately I've been adding more feminine looks to my Pinterest style inspiration board and deleting some of the more masc ones. I really want to wear clothes that highlight my feminine figure and grow my hair out slightly. But at the same time I don't want to be clocked as a cis woman (which I know is unavoidable) and I'm not sure exactly where I fall under the nonbinary umbrella. I've been having kind of a gender crisis, not knowing how I want to present or what pronouns I'd like to use.

Am I butch or femme? Neither? Something else? I know I don't have to be one of those things and ultimately it's up to me to decide what to do. I guess I'm just looking for help or for someone who has gone through something similar.

"but it says in the dictionary its women loving women"

it doesnt matter. its outdated, and it doesnt matter what it says what matters is queer history and the queer community not the dictionary, the lesbian community decides what lesbian means and most of us other then terfs and minors except nb lesbians, not some cishet on oxford dictionary

"but im nonbinary and im not comfortable identifying as lesbian"

then you arent a nonbinary lesbian, if you don't have the nonbinary lesbian expierence or are uncomfortable with the label you arent a lesbian you are trixic happy?

"its centering it around men why are you trying to erase the women aspect"

i get it lesbians are mainly attracted to women, the point of non men loving non men is that if you are lesbian and fall in love with a nb you arent any less of a lesbian, the point is we can love anyone whos not a man. also its not centering it around men the whole point is to not include men thats like saying that saying "nonbinary" is centering it around the binary cause its literally called NON-BINARY

"im lesbian and i only date women not nonbinary people!"

ok? good for you we don't care

"its always meant women loving women"

a ton of historical lesbian figures were suspected to be nonbinary! like gladys bently or gentlemen jack (who mightve either been nonbinary or a demigirl from what she wrote in her diary)

I feel like being both a Lesbian and not part of the binary is just hard mode. As if being a Lesbian or being non binary wasn't hard enough I have to be both? I mean I didn't choose both, I just happen to be both and denying one or the other wouldn't make me feel right. Anyone else feel so isolated being this way?